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Communication Patterns in Conflict Interactions in Premarital
Couples Who Are in Abusive Relationships
Suciati, Ananda Nur Faizah, Muhammad Muttaqien
Universitas Muhammadiyah Yogyakarta
DOI: https://dx.doi.org/10.51584/IJRIAS.2025.101000006
Received: 16 September 2025; Accepted: 24 September 2025; Published: 27 October 2025
ABSTRACT
This study examines communication patterns in conflict interactions in premarital couples who experience
abusive relationships. Abusive relationships mean relationships in which one person controls, and the
perpetrator feels like the ruler in the relationship. The perpetrator of an abusive relationship uses verbal and
nonverbal violence. The method used in this study is a descriptive qualitative approach, employing data
collection techniques through in-depth interviews. Data validity testing techniques use source triangulation.
The data analysis techniques employed in this study include data collection, data reduction, data presentation,
and conclusion. This study found that the sources of conflict for informant AB couples include infidelity and
verbal, nonverbal, and physical violence. The sources of conflict for informant CD couples include LDR,
infidelity, verbal violence, interference from the male's parents, and mindset. The sources of conflict for
informant EF couples include LDR, infidelity, verbal violence, nonverbal violence, physical violence,
interference from the female's parents, and mindset. Based on the four informants, the conflict is open and
destructive. The communication pattern in the first three informants' conflict interactions uses a separate
unbalanced pattern, while the fourth couple uses a monopoly pattern. Internal factors influencing informant
AB include unstable emotions and differences in mindset and economy, while external factors include
infidelity. Internal factors that influence informant CD include unstable emotions, differences in mindset,
negative thoughts, power, and position, while external factors are infidelity and parental interference. Internal
factors that influence EF informants include unstable emotions, differences in mindset, always thinking
negatively, the economy, and bipolar disorder, while external factors include infidelity and parental
interference. Meanwhile, GH is influenced by a jealous personality and differences in mindset, as well as his
parents' military profession, which serve as external factors. The four pairs of informants ended their
relationships before marriage due to issues of relationship abuse and low commitment in premarital
relationships. Although the relationship ended, the victims still experienced stress, trauma, and depression.
Keywords: Conflict Interaction, Premarital Couples, Abusive Relationships, Unbalanced Separate Patterns,
Monopoly Patterns
INTRODUCTION
Humans are social creatures who live in groups. Humans need communication to establish a relationship. One
context of communication is interpersonal communication, which is characterized by intimacy. Romantic
relationships are an example of a form of interpersonal communication built by human couples of different
sexes. In romantic relationships, interpersonal communication is essential in helping couples understand each
other, exchange ideas, and share their partner's feelings.
In Islam, the romantic relationship between men and women is regulated in marriage. Marriage is a human
need that involves establishing a lifelong relationship with a partner. Marriage is a cultural practice that always
follows human development in social life (Thomas, 2023). Marriage is an integral part of human life in any
world. This relationship is a commitment between women and men without coercion; the perpetrators establish
a relationship with a feeling of mutual consent.
INTERNATIONAL JOURNAL OF RESEARCH AND INNOVATION IN APPLIED SCIENCE (IJRIAS)
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Marriage, according to Islam, is the sunnah of the Messenger of Allah, which, if carried out, will get rewards,
but if not carried out, they will not incur sin when they are able. Marriage has the purpose of building a
Sakinah Mawaddah Warahmah family and the desire to have children. Every married couple desires offspring
because many get married to have children. In Islam, there is a verse that recommends marriage because
marriage is included in lifelong worship, which is in the An-Nur verse 32 (Diflizar, 2023).
The most important phase of human life is having a partner, which leads to marriage. Before getting married,
humans choose a partner carefully so the marriage can run smoothly without any regrets. However, choosing a
life partner takes work. Many teenagers and adults have premarital relationships before formalizing their
marriage to explore their partner's character. Dating or premarital relationships are a process between
individuals who meet each other to establish a relationship as a couple (Rahmadi et al., 2023).
In Islam, premarital relationships are also known as ta'aruf. In Islam, there is no term for dating because it is
considered adultery. Therefore, premarital relationships are thought to result in losses of energy, time, money,
and even hope for someone who is not necessarily their soulmate. However, unlike Western culture, the form
of dating is considered very common with a level of depth of relationship that is different from the perception
of dating in the Eastern world, namely by allowing extramarital sex.
Premarital sexual behaviour is characterized by sexual intercourse that is carried out as if it were between a
husband and wife. The results of Utomo and McDonald's (2009) research show that premarital sexual
behaviour is caused by continuous stimulation through sexual materials in print media, the internet, and
through peers. Based on the theory of planned behaviour, social learning theory, diffusion of innovations
theory, and ideation model, peers play an important role as the primary determinant of sexual behaviour. The
purpose of having a premarital relationship or dating is not only to find a life partner, but also to grow and
develop into a healthy person emotionally and mentally (Ariadne, 2023).
In establishing a relationship, there must be various goals. Establishing a relationship requires building skills,
negotiation, conflict resolution, and communication. Building skills is very necessary to maintain a healthy and
long-lasting relationship. Establishing a relationship can also build character by increasing self-qualities, such
as patience, honesty, empathy, and self-control. A healthy relationship has boundaries and responsibilities that
must be carried out properly so as to avoid conflict; even so, conflict in a relationship is difficult to avoid.
Various types of conflict in a relationship are based on different causes. Every relationship must have conflict
because participants have different mindsets. In a relationship, it is important to control emotions to avoid
conflict. The social realm of conflict is a natural thing, considering that each individual has different thoughts,
but it is an unreasonable conflict if it physically hurts or can even take the life of another person (Nugroho &
Sushanti, 2019). Aggressive behaviour in a relationship is a concerning social problem (Kamaluddin et al.,
2024).
Violence in a premarital relationship begins with a conflict that escalates. Currently, violence in relationships
is considered normal in interpersonal relationships, even though it can result in recurrence in the future.
Violence in dating is usually sexual, physical, and emotional (Larasati & Kurniasari, 2022). Violence during
this period can be based on differences in culture, country, ethnicity, and gender, but is most influenced by
emotional factors.
An abusive relationship is one of the violent conflicts that occur in a relationship. The phenomenon of abusive
relationships is fascinating to study from a communication perspective. Currently, many premarital couples
experience abuse, but some of them are not aware of or are reluctant to admit it. Abusive actions are difficult
to recognize if the victim is in love, especially since the perpetrators of abuse are usually manipulative.
Abusive is often considered the same as toxic relationships, but it is very different. A toxic relationship is an
unbalanced relationship between the two parties, such as behaving in a restrictive, coercive, and rude manner
that makes the couple uncomfortable. A toxic relationship is an unhealthy relationship condition that involves
two individuals (Saskia et al., 2023). While an abusive relationship is full of violence, power, intimidation, and
control, the perpetrator of abuse behaves as someone who has power over the victim (Salsabila et al., 2022).
INTERNATIONAL JOURNAL OF RESEARCH AND INNOVATION IN APPLIED SCIENCE (IJRIAS)
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In general, abusive relationships have several forms. Physical abuse occurs in the form of dangerous physical
attacks, or in the form of sexual or physical. Emotional abuse is an attack on the victim's psyche in the form of
verbal violence, such as insults, threats, intimidation, and even manipulation. Financial abuse is an act of
controlling a partner in terms of finances, namely by disrupting a career, taking money, or blocking access to
essential privacy for the victim (Fitzgerald et al., 2022).
In an abusive relationship, power is held by one person who controls the relationship, and the perpetrator feels
like the ruler in the relationship. The perpetrator of an abusive relationship commits acts of violence against
their partner, which can cause severe physical, psychological, and even fatal injuries when the victim faces a
traumatic event (Rowland et al., 2024). In an abusive relationship, the dominant victim is the woman, and the
man tends to be the perpetrator because he believes it is strongly based on patriarchal cultural values (Wahid &
Legino, 2023).
Data on victims of violence against women throughout 2022, as follows: there were 3,528 victims of violence,
where cases of premarital violence were ranked first, followed by violence against wives, 3,205 cases, and
violence against girls, 725 cases. Meanwhile, violence committed by ex-boyfriends was 713 cases.
Psychological violence was in first place at 40 per cent, sexual violence at 29 per cent, physical 19 per cent,
and economic 12 per cent (Antara, 2023). Based on data from the National Commission on Violence Against
Women in 2023, there was an increase in the number of complaints of cases of violence against women by
4,374 cases. Based on these data, 3,303 complaints were gender-based violence (Perempuan, 2024).
The explosion of violence in premarital relationships will be worrying and will continue to increase if not
handled properly. The average victim of violence is a woman. Violence, in this case, is dominated by physical
violence, resulting in minor to severe injuries. Ironically, this violence is considered a shared experience, as
research by White Jacquelyn (2009) at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro stated that dating
violence is a common experience for late adolescents. In the study, data were obtained that dating violence can
be identified through several things; in addition, dating violence is also categorised as something common for
late adolescents, which means that dating violence is commonplace.
Abusive relationship victims are usually reluctant to give a chance to fix the relationship; they choose to end it
firmly without giving certain expectations to avoid manipulation. Based on the many cases of violence, there
are still couples who choose to survive and remain in a relationship, trying to maintain a relationship with
desire, protecting and making sacrifices for a loved partner in the hope of being appreciated by the partner.
This reflects a form of affection with forgiveness and learning to improve one's abilities and relationships
(Rahmadi et al., 2023).
The relationship has a negative emotional impact on the victim. They often feel isolated and helpless and lose
their sense of self-worth. Victims sometimes find it challenging to end the relationship because of fear or
dependence on the abusive partner. Victims need to realize that abusive relationships are unhealthy and
unacceptable. They need help and support from loved ones, family, or agencies that can help them cope with
the situation.
Abusive victims or perpetrators have a significant influence on subsequent relationships. According to
Hasmayni (in Marita & Rahmasari, 2021) saying that those who have experienced abuse must have a
significant influence on their self-image; they feel unworthy and do not have the confidence to establish a
subsequent relationship. The victims also have trauma, which results in not having the ability to establish a
healthy relationship again, and impacts the difficulty of communicating well because of the difficulty in
understanding and expressing oneself and one's partner. In this relationship, the most affected by the next
relationship are women because women tend to be considered to have a receiving attitude.
Abusive relationship victims are susceptible to depression and mental disorders that affect the quality and
character of the victim. The losses suffered by the victim are physical, social isolation, emotional, and
psychological conditions that are chaotic. Physical injuries suffered by the victim can disappear quickly, but
not the victim's psyche. Victims who experience depression have prolonged sadness to the point of not wanting
to do any activities for weeks to months. The mental disorders suffered by the victim are deep trauma, making
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the victim cry for no reason, get angry for no reason, and be too isolated to hurt themselves. Mental health
disorders can cause prolonged suffering that is detrimental to the sufferer, family, and people around them
(Kemenkes, 2024). According to Kemenkes (2022), depression is the main factor causing someone to commit
suicide. People who suffer from depression and mental disorders need to be treated by a psychologist or
psychiatrist. Therefore, the consequences suffered by victims of abuse are pretty fatal to their survival.
Some cases of disputes and conflicts in dating relationships are challenging to avoid. For example, a case that
occurred in Surabaya, East Java. The case of a child of a member of the House of Representatives who killed
his girlfriend. The victim was abused to death. The perpetrator was kicked, hit with a liquor bottle, crushed,
and dragged by a car. The conflict began with an argument between the two parties until oppression occurred.
This murder falls into the category of femicide or gender-based women (Konde. co, 2023).
In the next case, abuse in the elevator of the Cengkareng Hotel, the perpetrator strangled and threw his
girlfriend. The abuse began because of an argument during the perpetrator's younger sibling's graduation. The
victim was taking pictures for her social media content, but the perpetrator was not invited; this triggered
jealousy, and the perpetrator felt unappreciated. There was a reasonably long argument between the perpetrator
and the victim, so the victim felt uncomfortable and left the room. When the victim headed to the elevator, the
perpetrator, who was already annoyed, immediately committed violence by strangling, pushing, and throwing
the victim's body to the floor. The victim suffered injuries and experienced deep psychological trauma
(Tribunnews.com, 2024).
In some cases, the perpetrators often do not realize that they have experienced various forms of violence in
premarital relationships. The solution to this problem can be in the form of moderate to radical reconciliation,
such as trying to restore the relationship by deciding to separate and have no more contact with the partner
(Nugroho & Sushanti, 2019). Even in research, premarital couples involved in toxic relationships start from
differences in goals, a lack of understanding, and poor communication. However, the couple prefers to survive
by finding different ways of resolving the conflict (Suciati & Ramadhanty, 2023).
LITERATURE REVIEW
Interpersonal Conflict
Conflict is a situation where two or more people have a goal they want to achieve and think that only one of
them can achieve it, but it cannot be achieved by both parties (Sudarmanto et al., 2021). Conflict is a social
phenomenon that can happen to anyone and anywhere. Conflict is a form of social interaction that is often
responded to negatively. Interpersonal conflict occurs in intimate relationships with high interdependence
(Putri & Hermawati, 2022). In premarital relationships, conflict often occurs due to poor communication
quality. Interpersonal conflict is usually caused by differences in background, inadequate communication, and
roles that do not match expectations. This conflict can cause serious disruption in the relationship between the
individuals involved in the conflict. Interpersonal conflict has an impact on the intensity of anxiety of a person
in conflict. Conflict can be managed through problem-solving and open communication, reducing the negative
impact on a person's mental health (Lesmana et al., 2024).
Conflict occurs due to several causal factors; therefore, in conflict control, knowledge of the causes of conflict
is needed so that the following steps can be determined. Conflict occurs due to disputes that arise from
conflicting demands and needs of both parties. The subject experiences poor communication (Putri &
Hermawati, 2022). Mangku Negara (In Anita, 2024) mentioned several causes of conflict in general, including
differences in religion, differences in behaviour and customs, differences in culture, differences in food, ethnic
and racial differences, economic differences, education levels, differences in jobs, political positions, and
differences in place of residence. Failure to communicate is caused by differences in knowledge, experience,
and values that are used as a way of life. Conflict is not always negative, but can function positively in order to
bring about effective and efficient change.
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Forms of Interpersonal Conflict
Quds (2023) mentions that there are several forms of conflict, including:
1. Latent conflict is a conflict that is not realized and seen by the parties involved in the conflict. This
conflict is initially silent but can result in open conflict.
2. Open conflict is a conflict that is realized and seen by the parties involved in the conflict. This conflict
begins with aggressive behaviour, quarrels, blaming, and suspecting each other.
3. Constructive conflict is a conflict that has positive value and can produce benefits for individuals in
conflict. The process focuses on finding solutions that satisfy both parties in conflict and can strengthen
relationships. This conflict occurs due to differences of opinion or perspective, resulting in
improvements. Conflicts that bring benefits, such as increasing creativity and strengthening
relationships between individuals, can produce better solutions for both parties in conflict.
4. Destructive Conflict. Known as a conflict that can damage relationships between individuals. This
conflict process is inflexible and focuses on defeating each other. This conflict begins with aggressive
behaviour such as fighting, blaming each other, or suspecting. This conflict causes feelings of hatred,
revenge, and unhappiness. The impact of this conflict results in damaged relationships, harmony,
productivity, and property, and can even take lives.
Communication Patterns in Conflict Interactions
Every premarital relationship must have a different form of communication pattern. Communication is the
right way to resolve conflict in a relationship. The communication patterns of each couple are different;
therefore, a communication pattern is needed in conflict interactions (Sihombing & Yusuf, 2013).
Communication is considered a trigger for conflict, but on the other hand, communication is needed to resolve
conflict. When a conflict occurs, an appropriate communication pattern is needed. (Devito, 2011)said there are
four patterns of interpersonal communication, namely:
Balance Pattern
The balance pattern is good for seeing communication in meaningful relationships because it maintains
balance in relationships. This theory emphasizes that individuals are part of a social structure, such as
establishing relationships. Building a relationship requires open, free, direct, and honest communication. Open
communication affects effective communication. According to Heider (in Novianti, 2021) the balance theory
focuses on interpersonal relationships. This theory emphasizes the importance of establishing a balanced
relationship, in sentiment or feelings, so as not to cause discomfort or tension. Heider's theory focuses on
intrapersonal communication, which functions as an attraction, so it pays attention to certain interpersonal
circumstances that affect relationship patterns.
In this communication pattern, both parties have the same position; there are no followers and leaders, the
communication process is free without systematic rules, the position is the same or almost the same, and no
one dominates the conversation (Samsinar & Rusnali, 2017). Both parties give opinions, seek opinions, and
play the same role. This communication pattern does not cause dominance in communication. Thus, this theory
can explain how individuals establish balanced relationships by understanding feelings of liking in their
cognitive structure, which can be applied significantly in communication.
Separate Balanced Pattern
A separate balanced pattern is a balance of relationships that are maintained because they have different
authority, such as holding control and power, but in their respective fields. This communication pattern still
has an equal relationship but maintains authority and leadership. The conflict that occurs is not considered a
threat. Both parties have their expertise in resolving conflicts. In a new view, conflict cannot be avoided or
even developed. Conflict arises from various things and is considered to be able to change conflict into a
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functional one. (Kusworo, 2019). This communication pattern is considered quite ideal because it helps
maintain harmony in relationships, especially in resolving conflicts.
The separate balanced pattern is determined by each individual's interpersonal communication skills when
speaking, overcoming shyness, negotiating, and resolving conflicts. With this separate balanced pattern,
conflicts can be resolved using soft talk without being abusive, hostile, or disruptive, so that the
communication that is established can resolve the conflict (Solihat et al., 2014). In this theory, humans need
other people to meet their needs because humans have their advantages; establishing a good relationship
requires interpersonal intelligence. A separate balanced communication pattern is an effective strategy in
relationships; both parties can contribute positively to the communication process, which can improve the
quality of relationships and resolve conflicts.
Separate Unbalanced Pattern
The unbalanced pattern occurs when one partner dominates the relationship and thus takes control. The party
that dominates the relationship is the party that knows more about physical or income above that of the other
party. The party that feels its position is lower allows that person to dominate every debate and make their own
decisions. The dominant party adheres to the decisions of the dominant party. They ask for opinions only for
their own ego or just to tell the other party about the greatness of their argument; even the dominant party
gives opinions freely and plays power to maintain control. The owner of a higher power uses his power as a
basis for influencing the other party. In this pattern, a style is applied that tends to smile a lot and hold back for
the sake of the integrity of the relationship so that they listen more than they give opinions (Samsinar &
Rusnali, 2017).
The communication style relevant to this theory is the controlling style, which is a controlling communication
style characterized by the desire to limit or regulate the behaviour of others. The party using the controlling
style of communication focuses more on the message's sender than on the effort to receive the message. This
communication style only has an interest in feedback if the feedback can benefit the personal gain of one of the
parties. The communicator is not concerned about negative views but instead uses authority and power to force
others to comply with his views (Mas & Haris, 2020). This communication style can damage relationships and
reduce trust.
The theory of separate unbalanced patterns also harmonizes with the muted group theory by Edwin Ardener
and Shirley Ardener. West & Turner (in Widiastuti, 2013) state that this theory perceives women as a minority
because of different experiences and rooted activities. In this theory, men dominate while women are
recipients, so women, when speaking and expressing opinions, must submit to male control. Men control all
decisions because of their position as the leading actors, while women are shadows.
Another relevant theory is Post-Traumatic Stress Reaction, which explains the effects of conflict on the
dominant party. This theory explains that people who are pressured by someone in a fight can experience stress
(Hatta, 2016). People will experience different reactions when faced with trauma. Unknowingly, the dominant
party has a disturbed thought process, lacks self-confidence, is nervous, or feels guilty because they have only
been allowed to express their opinions on profitable things, which interferes with their thought process. The
dominant party does not dare to fight back because of the gender or financial superiority of the dominant party,
so the dominant party feels pressured.
Monopoly Pattern
The monopoly pattern explains that one party is considered to be the power holder. One party acts in a
commanding manner rather than communicating effectively and openly, and does not listen to feedback from
the other party. Has full rights in making decisions and never asks for the other party's opinion. In this pattern,
debate rarely occurs because they already know who will win. The owner of power orders the other party what
to do and what not to do, so that when a debate occurs, they do not know how to find a suitable solution
together. This communication pattern causes one-way communication. Individuals do not want to compete
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because they have a negative self-concept, so they tend to avoid competition because if others defeat them, it
will lower their self-esteem (Sarmiati, 2019).
In this communication pattern, personal ego is prioritized. Chaos in relationships occurs because of constantly
trying to satisfy all one's desires. Relationships cannot exist if one party must satisfy their desires (Noer, 2021).
When an individual is faced with a conflict, he should be able to resolve it well, but individuals who have a
negative self-concept will have difficulty resolving the problem because, so far, they have not been given
space to express their opinions, which can cause other problems. The monopoly communication pattern is also
related to a self-fulfilling prophecy, namely, unilateral decision-making according to one's will. People tend to
act and behave according to their expectations (Saleh, 2020).
RESEARCH METHODS
The type of research used in this study is descriptive qualitative. Sugiyono (2002) states that qualitative
research is inductive, emphasizing meaning rather than generalization. The researcher acts as a critical
instrument in the research and data collection processes through triangulation techniques. The object of this
study is the communication pattern in the conflict interaction of premarital couples who experience an abusive
relationship.
Primary data is obtained directly from the results of interviews with informants. Primary data is used as a basis
for solving a problem (Nasution, 2023). Primary data is collected directly through in-depth interviews with
informants, while secondary data is collected through the Internet, journals, and previous research. This study
uses a purposive sampling informant collection technique, namely a sampling technique that takes data
through certain considerations (Abdussamad, 2021). Researchers determine informant criteria according to
research objectives, including:
1. Premarital couple
2. Have or are currently experiencing an abusive premarital relationship
3. Be in a relationship for at least six months.
The data collection technique in this study uses interview techniques. Interviews can be used as proof of
information or statements obtained (Fiantika, 2022). By using in-depth interview methods, researchers can
enter the social life of informants for some time. Data analysis is carried out simultaneously with the data
collection process. This study uses qualitative analysis techniques. This technique explains the analysis that
starts from the data and leads to general conclusions (Bungin, 2011). The data analysis process is carried out
continuously, starting with reviewing all available data from various sources, namely from interviews. These
observations have been written in field notes, documents, and so on until the conclusion is drawn. For the data
analysis stage, researchers refer to several stages described by Miles and Huberman, which include 1)
Collecting information through interviews with compatible vital informants, 2) Reduction, namely the
selection process, focusing on simplification, 4) Presenting data, namely the activity of a collection of
information in the form of narratives, network graphs, tables and charts that aim to sharpen understanding of
the research, 5) The final stage is drawing conclusions or verification, which seeks the meaning of explanatory
patterns, possible configurations, causal flows and propositions (Sutopo, 2002). Data validity is carried out
using source triangulation techniques. Source triangulation can be done by collecting data from multiple
sources, such as interviews, observations, and document analysis (Rukajat, 2018).
RESULT AND DISCUSSION
Informant Profile
The informants used in this study were four premarital couples who had or were experiencing abusive
relationships. The four couples were selected according to the informant criteria that had been set. Informant
profile data were obtained from in-depth interviews with informants in October 2024. The informant's
description is clearly described as follows:
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Premarital couple A (♂) – B ( ♀)
Premarital couple AB comes from Jogja and has been in a relationship for about a year. This relationship was
established because A and B moved to Jogja to study, so they decided to have a romantic relationship. Both
parties have different backgrounds in terms of family and economy.
A is the youngest of two siblings. He was born in Sumatra, currently 22 years old. A is loved by both of his
parents, especially his mother. Since childhood, A has been a diligent and obedient child. Since childhood, A
has had many friends because he is a fun and not dull person, even though he is a quiet child and does not talk
much. He is affectionate with people around him, but gets angry quickly. In high school, A was known as a
handsome man and was liked by many women, so he had several romantic relationships. Every time he had a
romantic relationship with a woman. He was always generous, so many women were interested in him. After
graduating from high school, A chose the city of Jogja to continue his education. While studying in Jogja, A
had several relationships with women, the last with B. A loves B and always follows B's wishes, but he is
lonely when B is busy. He looks for other women, and when B finds out he is playing behind his back, A
cannot control his emotions, so a conflict occurs, which results in violence (Interview on October 1, 2024).
B was born in Bandung, West Java, aged 20, and came from a simple family. B is known as a humble child, so
he has many friends. He is also diligent and intelligent. After graduating from high school in Bandung, he
decided to return to Yogyakarta to study. He chose to move away from family pressure, which made B's
mental condition less stable, so he considered moving away to be the right decision. While studying in Jogja, B
had several relationships until he finally had a relationship with A. He chose A as his partner because he
thought A could love him sincerely and give him the affection he had never received from his parents, even
though his relationship was full of conflict. The peak of the conflict occurred in September 2024, when he
chose to end the relationship because he received severe injuries and was depressed. For three months, he
experienced approximately five instances of physical violence that caused trauma (Interview on October 1,
2024).
Premarital couple C (♂) - D ( ♀)
Couples C and D are premarital couples who have been in a relationship for approximately two years. This
relationship began with them being high school friends and thus having a romantic relationship. The
relationship was full of happiness, but over time, conflicts arose in the relationship, which resulted in
psychological disorders for the woman.
C is a boy who is obedient to his parents. He comes from Kalimantan; he is 21 years old. He is the third of five
children, lives a comfortable life, is spoiled, and is proud of his parents. He is known as a man who is less able
to solve problems because, during his growth into adulthood, he still depended on his parents, especially his
mother. He has often been in romantic relationships since junior high school and has had many ex-girlfriends,
but C is also known as a man who likes to cheat. Finally, C had a relationship with D when he was in the 3rd
grade of high school, until they both entered college in Jogja, and C graduated first, making C and D's
relationship a long-distance relationship (LDR). Before the LDR, there were many conflicts until the peak of
the LDR, so they chose to end the relationship in 2022 (Interview on October 2, 2024).
D is the youngest of three siblings from Kalimantan and is now 21. D lives in a well-off family. He is easy to
get along with and has a humble attitude to get close to his friends quickly. D is the youngest child of his
parents. When he was in high school, his mother died, and he only lived with his father because his two older
siblings had moved away. After graduating from high school, D decided to continue his education on the
island of Java, precisely in Yogyakarta. He studied at his favorite campus in Jogja. He chose to move away,
following in the footsteps of his older siblings. The conflicted relationship with C, whom he had known since
high school, had damaged his soul. D was under pressure from C because he felt his family was wealthy and
respected, so he thought he could control D (Interview on October 2, 2024).
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Premarital couple E (♂) – F ( ♀)
Couples E and F are a premarital couple who have been in a relationship for about a year. They have a
romantic relationship starting from a relationship between a younger sibling and an older sibling, and then
feelings of love grow. During the seven months of their relationship, there were rarely any conflicts. Still, in
the eighth month, conflicts began to occur, causing physical, sexual, and financial violence, which made the
relationship between E and F end tragically, causing trauma.
E is the youngest of two siblings, now 22 years old. He was born into a well-off family. Both of his parents
have always given him affection from childhood to adulthood. E is obedient to both of his parents; he is also
known as a polite and quiet child. He excelled in high school in his hometown. His calm attitude began to
change when he was in high school; he began to be able to socialize and have quite a lot of friends. He is a
child who is not easily influenced negatively by people around him. His parents paid close attention to E's
education until he went to college.
Graduating from high school with the support of both parents, E decided to move to Yogyakarta. He chose
Jogja as the city to continue his education because the campus he chose was the best, with a major that suited
his wishes. While studying in Jogja, E began to open up and become a cheerful child, so he had many friends.
Several times, E had relationships while studying in Jogja, including with F. The relationship was full of
manipulation, conflict, sexual domination, and violence. E also had a mild physical disability for life; even
though E was a man, he was the one who received lousy treatment to the point of depression, which resulted in
hurting himself (Interview on October 3, 2024).
F is the third of four siblings who is 21 years old. F was born into a complete, well-off family with many
relationships. Since childhood, she has lived in a harmonious family that spoiled her. F is easy to get along
with and has many friends. Since high school, she has been bright and surrounded by many friends. She is also
known as a girl whom many men like. After college, she was in a relationship with E, whom she considered an
encouragement and who gave her affection.
When he was in high school, F was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, so he quickly got emotional, cried, and
even felt that the world was not on his side. He thought that he needed affection from the people around him,
and since then, F began to believe that life must have a partner. He changed partners many times, and he had
also had sexual relations since high school. When he entered college, he got to know a senior in the same
department and started a romantic relationship. At first, the relationship went well, but after seven months, the
conflict began. F quickly got emotional, overthought, and even committed violence against E because he felt
his feelings were hurt. F felt his family had power, so he threatened E and dominated the relationship
(Interview, October 2024).
Premarital couple G (♂) – H ( ♀)
Couples H and F have been in a premarital relationship for 1.5 years. They are the same age, 21 years old.
They met as first-year students in the social sciences study program at a famous university in Yogyakarta. The
romantic relationship was seen since they liked each other and were open about getting closer. For a year, they
had a normal relationship like lovers. Still, in the second year, conflicts began to occur, which led to physical
and sexual violence, which made the relationship between G and H end tragically. Oddly enough, the violence
came from the woman (H), not the man (G).
G is the first child of two siblings. He was born in West Kalimantan. He was born into a simple and educated
family. As the first child, he was mature enough to face his younger siblings and parents. G is an obedient
child; he is also known as a polite and humble child. Meanwhile, H was born as the middle child of 3 siblings,
originally from South Sulawesi. His father is a military man who retired a year ago. His father's profession
made him grow up as a strong-willed child, and he did not have the slightest maternal nature. However, H is
also known as a humble person to those around him.
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Graduating from high school with the support of both parents, H decided to move to Yogyakarta. He chose
Jogja as the city to continue his education because, according to him, his choice was the best campus with the
right major. While studying in Jogja, H began to show his brutal but cheerful nature, so he had many friends. H
knew G as his first love as a classmate and in the same major. The relationship was filled with conflict,
manipulation, domination, sexuality, and violence. His jealous nature often made H go crazy and vent his
verbal and non-verbal anger at G. Over time, G felt weak because he was powerless against H, which made
him very stressed. This unbalanced relationship finally ended in less than 3 years (Interview in October 2024).
RESULTS AND DISCUSSION
Table 1: Sources of Conflict
Informant
Source of conflict
Premarital couple 1
AB
- The affair that A did happened more or less five times. A
considered the affair an escape, unlike B, who believed it to ruin the
relationship and hurt his feelings.
Premarital couple 2
CD
- The affair was committed by C
- C can't do LDR
- Differences in mindset that are opposite and do not agree
- The intervention of the male parent by defending his guilty
son and cornering the victim.
Premarital couple 3
EF
- The affair committed by F started with F not being able to
live a long-distance relationship, and overthinking.
- Intervention from the woman's family
Premarital Couple 4
GH
- H's excessive jealousy makes G unable to survive.
- Blind anger causes H to make third parties complain and hate
H, while G is always in a position to give in.
Table 2: Forms of Conflict
Informant
Forms of conflict
Premarital couple 1
AB
- AB's relationship is full of aggressive behaviour, accusing,
and suspecting. Conflicts are open and destructive. A often suspects
B and even accuses, which causes arguments, all of which come
from A, who often cheats but instead suspects and accuses B because
A is afraid that B is cheating on him, too.
- Forms of verbal violence: insulting, shouting, and
threatening; every time they fight, they say dirty words, threaten to
kill, and shout in front of the victim's face. Forms of non-verbal
violence: punching in the eyes, hands, and feet, biting hands,
strangling the neck, kicking the stomach and feet, and throwing
bottles at the victim.
Premarital couple 2
CD
- The conflict that started from LDR made C often act
aggressively and accuse D. C also controlled D's life, which made
him feel depressed; C also thought that D would cheat on him, so he
behaved unreasonably and beyond the limits. Their conflict was
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open and destructive.
- Forms of verbal violence: threatening, using inappropriate,
rude, or dirty language, belittling in a high tone that makes the
victim afraid.
Premarital couple 3
EF
- F is a person who easily overthinks, so he acts aggressively
and creates thoughts that justify his actions. F cannot have a long-
distance relationship, so he has an affair with another man. However,
in his relationship with E, he is aggressive and likes to be restrained.
F often accuses E of having an affair and acts aggressively. Their
conflicts are also open and destructive.
- Forms of verbal Abuse: Using harsh or dirty language,
insulting and belittling the victim each time in a debate, shouting in
front of the victim's face.
- Forms of non-verbal violence: kicking the victim, which
makes his fingers not function normally; stabbing with a key, which
results in injuries; and slapping and hitting with a broom.
Premarital Couple 4
GH
- H is a jealous and blind woman. He often accuses and treats
his partner, the party he is envious of, with verbal and physical
violence. Meanwhile, D cannot do the same and is in a state of
defeat. Their conflict is open and destructive.
- Forms of verbal violence: swearing, insulting, saying dirty
and rude things. Forms of non-verbal violence: slapping the face,
stepping on toes, pushing, and throwing an iron.
Table 3: Communication Patterns in Conflict Interactions
Informant
Communication Patterns in Conflict Interaction
Premarital couple 1
AB
(unbalanced
split pattern)
- During their relationship, AB constantly communicated
openly; they gave each other news, but according to A,
communication became less open after the affair.
- The relationship is controlled by A because A has financial
power. A rarely listens to B's opinion. When a conflict occurs, AB's
relationship is full of arguments but ends in violence because A
cannot control his anger, and B rarely has the opportunity to
explain.
- An abusive relationship made B feel traumatized and
stressed because he experienced psychological and physical
pressure in the form of death threats and physical violence.
Premarital couple 2
CD
(unbalanced
split pattern)
- CD's relationship implements open communication and
adheres to a free relationship. At the same time, D feels that he
remains cautious and does not communicate freely because he is
afraid of C's parents' response. When a conflict occurs, D tries to
speak or express his opinion when the atmosphere is not angry
because D knows that C gets angry quickly and is rude.
- C controls the relationship when it does not match his
thinking. He gets angry, belittles, and even brings up power and
family positions when problems occur. D rarely gives his opinion
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because he knows D dislikes being given reasons. Several times, he
resisted but instead received threats and pressure.
- In C's affair conflict, his parents defended and lowered D's
self-esteem and assumed and manipulated D as if he were the one
in the wrong.
- This relationship causes effects such as stress and D.
Premarital couple 3
EF
(unbalanced
split pattern)
- EF's relationship has always been open, but since the
student exchange, F has no longer been open.
- F always invites him to discuss immediately when a conflict
occurs, while E chooses the right time when he is not emotional.
- Bipolar F's illness causes him to dominate in relationships
because he cannot control himself.
- F takes control when in conflict; F rarely listens; if it is not
according to expectations, he will get angry and hurt E. E rarely
fights F because of his parents' power and feels that he is a migrant
child, so he has no control.
- EF's relationship resulted in trauma and stress; even though
E is a man, he experienced trauma and anxiety and even suffered
minor physical disabilities due to this relationship.
Premarital Couple 4
GH
- GH's relationship always becomes unbalanced after H
shows his true nature as a super jealous person. H always accuses
G of cheating, while he is not given time to defend himself.
- GH's abusive relationship emerged after H expressed his
jealousy that G had a relationship with a friend from another class.
H beat G and committed non-verbal violence through harsh words.
- The relationship was completely controlled by H, while G
was helpless and unable to resist, even though he was a man.
- Their relationship caused trauma and stress on G's part, so
he felt weak and ended the relationship before his third year.
In the discussion section of this study, the researcher will analyze the sources, forms, and patterns of
communication in conflict interactions in premarital couples who experience abusive relationships. The
research informants were selected based on appropriate criteria, namely, informant couples AB, CD, EF, and
GH.
Sources of conflict in premarital couples experiencing abusive relationships.
Before entering into a marriage relationship, most people choose to have a premarital relationship first before
entering the marriage phase to find out the attitude and character of their partner. Establishing a premarital
relationship is also not free from conflict; every relationship must be big or small. Conflicts that occur in a
relationship will affect the quality of the relationship. According to Anita (2024), several objects are sources of
conflict: limited resources, different goals, poor communication, personal needs, feelings, and emotions.
A source of conflict between couples. Informants CD, EF, and GH have in common a difference in mindset;
for example, couple CD has a different daily mindset, such as how to dress; according to C, revealing clothing
should not be done, while C feels that D is too controlling. While F has a mindset, every LDR will result in
cheating, even though E has not cheated at all. In H, his constant jealousy is considered a form of caution in a
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relationship. Mindset is a way of assessing and drawing conclusions based on a particular point of view.
Differences in a person's mindset are caused by the number of points of view that are used as a basis,
foundation, or reason (Septirahmah & Hilmawan, 2021). A lack of mindset in understanding humans affects
them; individuals who do not express opinions with their mindset, do not care about other people's feelings,
and do not reason can result in low understanding (Putra et al., 2024).
The source of conflict for the four informant couples has something in common: emotion. According to
Ariadne (2023) it is essential for every human being to regulate emotional intelligence to control themselves
with others so as not to cause conflict. When someone cannot regulate their emotions and feelings, it can
become a source of conflict. The three couples' uncontrolled emotions stem from infidelity and jealousy. Like
couple AB, where A has cheated five times, so their relationship is filled with conflict and emotion; couple
CD, where C cheated twice; and couple EF, where F has repeatedly gone out and cheated with other men,
while H always accuses G of cheating. According to Fitri (2024) the source of most conflicts in romantic
relationships comes from infidelity. Infidelity becomes a source of conflict in relationships because of the loss
of trust in a partner, passionate emotions, and differences in goals. According to Shaleha dan Kurniasih (2021)
infidelity is a violation committed by an individual physically or emotionally against the commitment made to
a partner.
In the relationship of informant couple A-B, the reason for party A to have an affair was to have fun, and even
consider it a trivial matter when feeling bored and lonely. According to Apostolou dan Panayiotou (2019)
women, it shows that there is a higher tendency not to have an affair than men, especially when women feel
satisfied with their relationship, because they will feel guilty. According to Nugraha (Sa’adah et al., 2024),
people who have affairs are considered to have a self-defense mechanism, such as personal needs.
Dissatisfaction or inability to control feelings that initially only serve as a temporary place of balance until
they cause new problems. The same is true with A, where loneliness cannot be controlled by A, which initially
only served as a place of loneliness, which then caused a source of prolonged conflict until it formed an
abusive relationship.
The affair that occurred in the informant couple, CD and EF, because of the LDR relationship made the
conflict bigger; initially, before the LDR, their relationship was rarely affected by conflict. The couple where
C cheated because they couldn't stand the LDR and couldn't be far away. According to Fredella dan Sosialita
(2023) in long-distance relationships, or LDRs, people feel that the relationship they are in is not safe, so it
causes emotional closeness to decrease, which has an impact on the level of loneliness; therefore, emotional
needs cannot be met, so they try to fulfil them in non-adaptive ways.
People who experience loneliness are influenced by unfulfilled emotional and social factors. F could not have
a long-distance relationship and decided to have fun with other men because F thought that E was having an
affair with another woman when, in fact, he was not. According to Gulder (in Iswahyudi et al., 2024) the
interaction of relationships that experience long-distance relationships occurs when couples are restricted from
meeting face to face, which causes suspicion and distrust; just like F, the factors of suspicion and distrust are
what cause infidelity. Meanwhile, H develops excessive jealousy.
The similarity of the source of conflict between CD and EF couples is that it comes from the interference of
their parents. CD's relationship is filled with interference from the man's parents because the family is wealthy.
According to Bakir dan Hafidz (2022) the second party, namely the parents, can break down the resilience in a
relationship. Parental interference can influence and create difficulties in a relationship. The influence of
parents brings uncomfortable feelings to one party, causing pressure until the conflict becomes big.
F's parents, the female side, intervened and defended their child's mistakes because they felt they had power.
According to (Afrianti et al., 2023) many parents provide excessive parenting patterns to their children. This
excessive attitude is known as a form of affection, but it instead creates a source of conflict. According to
Santrock (in Fimansyah, 2019) permissive parents spoil their children, so they have no control over them.
Children will be demanding, not given responsibility, and will only prioritize their desires without caring about
others.
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The fourth source of conflict in the couple is H's jealous personality. Greff and Bruyne (2000) found that
internal and external factors caused conflict, such as communication style, cultural background, and
personality. Someone who is jealous tends to be violent towards their partner. This is because people with high
levels of jealousy tend to hold and bind anything they feel is theirs, whether in the form of material objects or
non-material objects. In addition, there is a tendency that dating is considered a form of ownership that arises
from the instinct to regulate and control. This is in line with Fromm's opinion (2010), who stated that the love
that exists so far has always been closely wrapped in power and regulation, which obscures the definition of
love itself. Love is no longer a sacrifice but a demand that, if not met, will lead to violence.
Forms of premarital conflict between couples experiencing abusive relationships
Various forms of conflict arise in premarital relationships. The form of conflict in these four couples is a form
of negative conflict that can harm both parties. If conflict can be managed properly in a relationship, it will
create a positive form of conflict. In contrast, considering conflict as a threat will make a hostile conflict.
According to Quds (2023) there are several forms of conflict, including latent, open, constructive, and
destructive.
The four pairs of informants have similar forms of conflict. Their forms of conflict are open and destructive.
According to Deutsch (Hanifah & Solihati, 2023), destructive conflict occurs when people are never satisfied
with their view of their conflict. Destructive conflict is characterized by resentment, displeasure, suspicion, and
even dependence in relationships that include threats and coercion. At the same time, an open conflict is a
conflict that is realized and seen by both parties involved (Quds, 2023). Several factors that trigger indications
of violence in premarital relationships are classified by Engel (2002), including dominance factors, verbal
assault intention factors, abusive expectations, and conflict or crisis factors.
The relationship between informant AB is full of aggressive attitudes, blaming, and suspicion of each other.
According to A, he often gets accusations that trigger anger. The allegations are in the form of aggressive
attitudes that are restrictive; every time A goes out, he is always suspected, causing conflict and arguments that
lead to hitting each other, where the victim is B, the female party. According to (Raintung et al., 2024)
violence in a relationship is characterized by aggressive and violent behaviour to limit the individuals
involved. A person's personality can also cause violence.
Based on the interview results, the D, who often acts aggressively and restrains, is tired of his relationship, as
there are arguments and fights. This can cause resentment between partners, and it disrupts the relationship. C
is easily suspicious because he cannot maintain a long-distance relationship until he finally decides to restrain
and act aggressively. D feels threatened. Men who are easily emotional and restrained and have abusive
relationships tend to have characteristics such as cognitive bias; namely, they think that negative things are
right, have emotional reactions that are easily emotional, are dominant in relationships that cause pressure and
loss of trust and fear of losing them, they are worried that their partner will leave them so they accept all the
treatment (Sintyasari & Fridari, 2021).
An aggressive attitude full of accusations is also shown by F, which starts when he overthinks and assumes E
did the same thing, which is cheating. Women tend to be more emotional than men (Darmawati & Yuniar,
2018). According to Syahrina dan Kurniasari (2022) people who have excessive overthinking, if not handled
properly, will have dire consequences for themselves and others. According to E, he has been accused of
playing with women a lot, but has learned not to care. He is a man who tries to respond to everything calmly
and learns to be someone who doesn't care. Jie (2023) states that most men think using logic and women with
feelings, so most men tend not to dare to avoid risks. This happened to G, who was jealous of his partner, but
he was unable to do anything but give in.
The four informant couples showed aggressive attitudes, accusing each other, which caused feelings of
discomfort, hatred, and even damaged relationships. According to Dewanti dan Putra (2022)Aggression is an
act of attacking, which is a form of violence and can cause suffering or pain to others. Aggressive acts such as
hitting, kicking, strangling, and pushing. Verbal aggression is in the form of shouting, insulting, and even
threatening. Putra dan Dwiningtyas (2022) state that men are more verbally aggressive than women.
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Both informant couples CD and EF, aggressive attitudes started from LDR relationships. Conflict occurs
because of trust factors. In LDR relationships, individuals usually cannot control their emotions, so they do not
have trust, which causes aggressive attitudes. LDR couples' emotions, such as jealousy and suspicion.
Dissatisfaction with communication can cause conflict, with couples accusing each other and arguing when
communication does not meet their expectations, causing aggressive attitudes (Chiisai & Mumpuni, 2021).
This aggressive attitude comes from the cheated-on partner, but they have less emotional maturity, so they
respond to the affair with aggressive behaviour (Denissa & Dasalinda, 2023). Aggressive communication is
destructive when it does not produce satisfaction, and at least one person in the relationship feels
disadvantaged, which reduces the quality of the relationship (O. C. Putra & Dwiningtyas, 2022).
Communication patterns in premarital conflict interactions between couples experiencing abusive
relationships
Every couple experiences different conflicts. Each individual in conflict has a different communication pattern
in conflict interactions (Sihombing & Yusuf, 2013). Unresolved conflicts can hurt relationships. Although
communication is often considered a trigger for conflict, communication is needed to resolve conflict. A sense
of mutual understanding is the key to maintaining harmony in a relationship. Devito (2011) said there are four
interpersonal communication patterns: balance patterns, separate balanced patterns, separate unbalanced
patterns, and monopoly patterns.
The communication pattern in the conflict interaction of the three informant couples used a separate
unbalanced pattern, while one pair used a monopoly. The separate unbalanced pattern is that one partner
dominates the relationship to the point of holding control. In contrast, the monopoly of control applies one
hundred percent, so the partner has no power at all (Devito, 2011). The three couples, AB, CD, and EF,
communicate directly and freely but not openly. The relationship is sometimes dominated by one party, and
decisions are often in the hands of one party. One party that tries to dominate and control the partner will
trigger a defensive and aggressive reaction (Khotimah et al., 2023). Among the three informants, if one party is
not obeyed, they will be emotional and lose control. According to Wibowo dan Chusairi (2023)People who
have difficulty controlling their emotions and impulses tend to take aggressive actions when angry or
frustrated.
The Muted Group Theory relates to the informant pairs AB and CD. In their relationship, they unconsciously
refer to the patriarchal system, namely, violating gender inequality in the reality of life, with women as
victims. Men have a role as the dominant and controlling party in the relationship (Rokhimah, 2014). AB's
relationship is full of violence, especially since A is easily angered and uses his hands. According to B's
explanation, so far, she has only been able to fight back through verbal arguments because she is a weak
woman, so she is rarely heard.
During the relationship, C feels he has a higher position and considers D below him. Moreover, D is a woman
when a conflict occurs; only weak women do not have power, so C feels that he has power and strength.
According to West & Turner (in Widiastuti, 2013), perceiving women as a minority because of different
experiences and rooted activities, in this theory, men dominate while women are recipients, so women, when
speaking and expressing opinions, must submit to male control.
According to (Huriyani (2018), society and culture construct differences between women and men. Based on
its biological structure, men are the part that benefits and dominates women. Women are considered to have no
physical strength and are weak. In social construction, women and men have different social values. The
existence of gender construction in community life has been built for centuries, forming a culture that is passed
down from one generation to the next.
During the relationship, F often vented his emotions and committed violent acts. Although E is a man, he was
a victim of violence in this relationship, just like G. According to Maria dan Sakti (2021)Both men and women
can be victims of Abuse in relationships. However, the number of violent acts against men is lower; the fact is
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that men can be victims of Abuse, and this case cannot be ignored. According to F's explanation, he suffers
from bipolar disorder, so he is easily stressed and provoked by his emotions, and he commits violence.
According to Anggraeni dan Pasaribu (2024), bipolar disorder is a mental disorder characterized by two
opposing mood conditions, namely depression and mania. In the manic phase, individuals often experience
excessive euphoria, impulsive behaviour, and a lack of self-control. This can lead to an increased risk of
aggressive behaviour, where bipolar sufferers may lose control of their emotions and act in ways that can harm
themselves or others. According to Sudirman dan Hasan (2022), bipolar disorder type I in women, namely
sleep disorders, increased mood, committing violent acts against others, and self-harm. Women who
experience bipolar disorder have a lower quality of life than men. During a relationship, B is rarely allowed to
give comments or opinions. When a problem occurs, B expresses his opinion, but A refuses because their
conversation always leads to the affair being committed by A. This triggers conflict; when this situation
occurs, A chooses to rage and vent his emotions aggressively. According to Hasdiana (2018), the
consequences of a dominant relationship will lead to a more extreme stage, namely violence.
The economy is one of the factors that rarely allows expressing opinions and comments, so B often receives
abusive treatment from A due to economic factors. According to Mayasari & Rinaldi (in) and Maharani dan
Valentina, 2023), depending on their partner, is the cause of women becoming victims of violence in
relationships. Women choose to survive because men can meet their needs, so they accept all the treatment of
men. The victim's finances are not sound, which causes a sense of dependence on their partner.
C often regulates and limits D's behaviour, which makes it a mental pressure; even the one who regulates is not
only C, but his mother is also involved. According to E, when a conflict occurs, F chooses not to listen to the
explanation E gives because it does not match F's thinking. F considers his thinking to be correct. Even E tends
to listen more than comment, while F comments more often than listens. These three pairs of informants are
characterized by the controlling style, a controlling communication style characterized by the desire to limit or
regulate the behaviour of others. This communication style is only interested in feedback if it can benefit the
personal gain of one party. The communicator is not worried about negative views but instead uses authority
and power to force others to comply with his views (Mas & Haris, 2020).
The four victims experienced Post-Traumatic Stress Reaction (PTSR) related to the dominant party. According
to (Hatta, 2016)stating that people get pressure from someone in the form of a fight can cause stress. People
experiencing PTSR have different reactions when facing trauma. The dominant party does not dare to fight
back because of the gender or financial superiority of the dominant party; hence, the dominant party feels that
the pressure is the cause of stress. According to B, he experienced stress; he received much unpleasant
treatment, which caused him anxiety. B let it go without strong resistance because B was a child who lacked
parental affection and an unstable economy, making B let A dominate the relationship. The trauma
experienced by B damaged his mentality and his physical condition, and he even injured himself. B was also
afraid to meet A, worried that it would happen again; even B needed psychological help and needed sleeping
pills to help overcome his stress and trauma.
According to D, he received threats, which led to an abusive relationship and manipulation by C and his
mother. According to Amanda dan Mansoer (2021)Participants who experienced abusive relationships did not
realize that they were harming themselves, let alone the victim, which made them trapped. The perpetrator's
family, when approaching or determining the decision of the relationship, influenced their decision. Financial
violence is carried out by someone using their position or money to dominate, threaten, and control someone,
Lissette & Kraus (in Natasya & Susilawati, 2020). D felt stressed and even traumatized by the relationship he
had been in. His soul was tortured, and he even did self-harm several times.
According to E's explanation, he experienced stress that resulted in self-harm. According to Sansone (in
Epivania dan Soetjiningsih, 2023) self-harm behaviour is a behaviour to hurt oneself to reduce emotional stress
and as a coping. E gets punched, kicked, and threatened when a conflict occurs. In both couples, E experiences
trauma that comes from F's attitude, which is often out of control.
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Hasmayni (in Khotimah et al., 2023) The more often you experience violence in a relationship, the higher the
severity of the psychological conditions experienced in the form of stress and depression. The cultural
understanding that men should behave masculinely by showing strength, should not be weak, and should not
cry, which assumes that men should not be inferior to women, is what gives rise to the stigma that they are
considered weak and helpless, so that men who experience violence are more afraid to tell and report it
(Ferawati & Gusnita, 2024). In fact, violence against men and women is equally bad. Not all pairs of
informants are women, but men are also targets. In some cases, violence in dating is not only experienced by
female students but also by male students. Therefore, the imbalance of power that exists between male and
female students is not a problem of sex or different genders. Still, there is a construction in the mind about the
reality of men and women in life (Jailani & Nurasiah, 2021).
The communication pattern in the fourth couple is a monopoly. One party acts in command rather than
communicating effectively and openly, does not listen to the other party's feedback, and has complete rights in
making decisions. One of the influences of power is " Power Follows the Principle of Less Interest." In every
interpersonal relationship, the person who holds power is the person who is less interested and less dependent
on rewards and punishments controlled by others. The more a person needs a relationship, the less power the
person has in it. The less a person needs a relationship, the greater the person's control. For example, from an
abusive relationship with his girlfriend, he realized that the relationship was unhealthy and had to leave his
girlfriend because he no longer needed a relationship that made him suffer (Hofstede, 1983). The process of
abusive relationship behaviour will go through 4 processes:
The cases that occurred in the four new premarital couples were at stage 2, namely the incidence of Abuse. The
four victims received arbitrary treatment from their partners, ranging from verbal to non-verbal violence. The
impact of this violence is not only physical but also psychological (couples 2, 3, and 4). The phenomenon of
premarital cases ending without reconciliation or calm is because their relationship has not been committed to.
People committed to a relationship will likely stay together "through thick and thin" and "for a common goal".
In technical terms, commitment in a relationship means all the positive and negative forces that keep
individuals in a relationship (Johnson et al. in Taylor E, Shelley, 2009). Low commitment in premarital
couples causes a relationship that is not serious, as it does not happen in a marriage relationship. A serious
relationship refers to subjective matters (long-term orientation, psychological attachment to a partner) and
objective characteristics (formal status of the relationship, legality of the relationship) that are of concern to
individuals towards their partners (Galinsky & Sonenstein, 2013). An overview of communication patterns in
conflict interactions in the four couples can be seen in Figure 1 below:
INTERNATIONAL JOURNAL OF RESEARCH AND INNOVATION IN APPLIED SCIENCE (IJRIAS)
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Figure 1: Communication Patterns in Informant Conflict Interactions
CONCLUSION
Based on the research findings on four premarital couples who experienced abusive relationships, it can be
concluded that each couple has a unique source, form of conflict, and communication pattern in conflict
interactions. The source of conflict for AB couples comes from infidelity and violence in open and destructive
forms, as well as separate, unbalanced communication patterns.
The source of the CD couple's conflict comes from the LDR to the point of infidelity and interference from the
man's parents. The form of the conflict is an open and destructive conflict, and a separate, unbalanced
communication pattern. The source of the Ef couple's conflict also comes from the LDR relationship; there is
infidelity, violence, and interference from the woman's parents. The form of their conflict is open and
destructive, and a separate, unbalanced communication pattern. F has bipolar disorder, so it is difficult to
control his thoughts and emotions, which causes an abusive relationship. The source of the GH couple's
conflict is H's jealous personality, which is also an open and destructive form of conflict and a monopoly
communication pattern.
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The three informant couples have similar forms and patterns in conflict interactions, while the fourth couple
has a monopoly pattern. Couples AB and CD have victims who are dominated by women, while women
dominate couples EF and GH. Destructive conflicts are formed due to couples who have aggressive attitudes,
restrain, intimidate, accuse, and commit violence, whether verbally, physically, or sexually.
Factors that influence communication patterns are classified into two types, namely internal and external.
Internal factors of couples include emotions, differences in mindset, and economy, while external factors
include infidelity, parental interference, economy to mental illness or bipolar, and jealous personality, while
external factors are infidelity, parents' profession, and parental interference.
The four pairs of informants failed to continue their abusive relationship until marriage, considering that the
weakness of a premarital relationship is the absence of a clear commitment. The abusive process of four
couples reached the stage of incidence of Abuse and still lacked two stages to be able to forgive each other and
continue to the level of marriage, namely reconciliation and calm. Abusive relationships leave negative
physical and psychological impacts on the victims, namely stress, trauma, depression, and physical disabilities.
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