Interpersonal Communication Patterns in Final Students’ Conflict with Parents in Encouraging Timely Graduates

Interpersonal Communication Patterns in Final Students’ Conflict with Parents in Encouraging Timely Graduates

Suciati., Chandra Ayu Hanggaratri

Universitas Muhammadiyah Yogyakarta

DOI: https://dx.doi.org/10.47772/IJRISS.2024.8090267

Received: 15 September 2024; Accepted: 25 September 2024; Published: 22 October 2024

ABSTRACT

As a student city, Yogyakarta has a reputation as a centre of education and intellectuals in Indonesia. Yogyakarta is the home of several leading universities, such as Universitas Gadjah Mada, Universitas Negeri Yogyakarta, Universitas Muhammadiyah Yogyakarta, and several other private universities that attract students from all over the country and abroad. The importance of resolving interpersonal conflicts between final-year students who are writing their thesis with their parents is a determining factor in graduation amidst the pressure of academic tasks faced. This study also describes various factors that cause the application of communication patterns in conflict resolution. This type of research is qualitative descriptive, aiming to understand, explain, and describe related phenomena. Data was collected through in-depth interviews with four pairs of informants involved in the conflict. Data were analyzed using interactive techniques involving interactions between data collection elements, data presentation, data reduction, and conclusion. The findings revealed the application of empathetic communication patterns in two pairs of informants and defensive communication patterns in two pairs of informants. The empathetic communication patterns carried out by couples AB and EF led them to find a solution to their conflict. Feelings of mutual respect and understanding of each other’s conditions are the keys to finding a way out. The defensive communication pattern carried out by the CD and GH couples ultimately causes stress in children. They cannot understand each other’s feelings. Several factors that influence the implementation of this pattern include learning independence, resilience, parenting patterns, and financial power.

Keywords: Interpersonal Communication Patterns, Final Year Student Conflict, Empathetic Patterns, Defensive Patterns, Learning Independence

INTRODUCTION

Yogyakarta exudes an aura of education and intellectual activities as a student city. Based on existing data, there are more than 100 state and private educational institutions in Yogyakarta. The many academic institutions in Yogyakarta further strengthen the city’s status as a Student City and Education City (kompas.com, 2023). This city is home to many leading universities in Indonesia. The logical consequence is that Yogyakarta is not only a center for higher education but also known for its pluralistic and active student life. Students from various Yogyakarta universities are involved in academic and non-academic activities. Students always form student organizations, are engaged in arts, culture, and sports, and participate in social activities. This creates a dynamic and vibrant atmosphere in the city, where innovative ideas and the spirit of learning continue to grow (Purnomo, 2016).

In addition to being a center of education and active student life, Yogyakarta is also a center of cultural and artistic activities. Students often become the main actors in art performances, theatre, music, and other creative activities. Students also combine their diverse cultures and talents, creating a unique cultural richness to the city. Yogyakarta is also known for its famous art galleries, museums, and cultural festivals, all of which add to the city’s cultural diversity. In addition, Yogyakarta is home to many international students who come to pursue higher education. This creates a multicultural and welcoming environment. International students bring new experiences and perspectives to the academic community of Yogyakarta, enriching the learning experience of understanding life in a student city (Nugroho, 2018).

The development of students in Yogyakarta is a reflection of the dynamic and diverse campus life. Students are involved in lectures, collaborate on innovative research projects, and participate in various student organizations. In addition, student socialization in Yogyakarta also reflects the cultural diversity that exists in this city (Nugroho, 2018). Students from multiple ethnic and regional backgrounds gather, share experiences, and celebrate their diversity. This creates an inclusive and tolerant social atmosphere on various campuses. Cultural exploration, sports activities, and participation in charity activities color the dynamics of socialization, creating unique experiences that shape their identity and influence their development as more skilled and knowledgeable individuals (Widodo, 2021).

The exchange of messages between students and family members is a requirement to maintain and, at the same time, revive a family. With the role of intense communication, family life will certainly feel safe because there will be more interaction activities. The vulnerability of the relationship between parents and children (students) will have an unpleasant feeling or feel uncomfortable. Therefore, sincere communication is essential to provide harmony. Family members are deeply bonded and need each other (Gunarsa, 2000).

Conflict between final-year students and parents is expected when students enter the stage of writing a thesis or final assignment as part of the lectures they are interested in (Sahara, 2013). Although the primary intention is to achieve higher education, changes in the environment, different lifestyles, and geographical distances that separate students from their parents can create tension and differences of opinion. This kind of conflict can appear in various forms, such as differences in values and expectations, or even practical problems, such as expenses and responsibilities. Although family and lecturer factors partially influence student motivation, only family factors affect student stress. Family support will increase motivation, and the more motivated they are, the lower their stress level will be (Suhandiah et al., 2021).

The family relationship scheme proposed by Mary Anne states that family relationships generally occur based on knowledge about oneself and others, known relationships, and how to interact in a relationship. This knowledge guides behavior in living the relationship. Two critical orientations in the family relationship scheme are conversation orientation and compliance orientation. Both orientations have different characteristics. The conversation orientation is the high or low level of family communication between parents and children. The compliance orientation is the level of child compliance with parents when living apart (Morisan, 2010). Conversation orientation and compliance will affect the intensity of conflict between students and parents who live apart.

The source of conflict in the interaction between final-year students regarding their thesis and their parents can come from several factors. Final-year students can feel stressed and anxious because they need to complete their thesis on time. Conflict can arise when final-year students feel trapped between parental expectations and academic pressure. At the same time, parents feel frustrated by the lack of information or uncertainty about their thesis progress (Timotius Duha, 2020). Parents have certain expectations of students’ academic achievement as children, while students feel uncomfortable with the educational and social pressures of the new environment they experience. Conflict can also be triggered by differences in communication patterns that often affect how students and parents communicate, creating disagreements or misunderstandings.

Through a short survey via PopPoll on November 28 – November 12, 2023 (Idntimes.com, 2024), Populix managed to capture the views of several student respondents regarding their thesis. Based on the results, it is known that various difficulties felt by students are as follows:

• Twenty-six per cent of respondents felt obstacles in the thesis data collection process.
• Twenty-two per cent of students admitted needing more guidance from their thesis supervisors.
• Seventeen per cent of them needed help analyzing the data that had been collected.
• Fifteen per cent of respondents were unable to determine the appropriate theory.
• Eleven per cent of students need help finding the correct problem formulation.
• Ten per cent of people need help finding a thesis title.

In addition to the problem of writing difficulties, other problems arise from parents who are financially constrained to pay for their children’s school fees. This is exacerbated by the fact that today’s teenagers do not think about the amount of money their parents spend on their pleasures. They do not care about the economic conditions of their families. Students have problems with managing their finances and are less careful in making decisions, so they can experience unplanned financial crises (Pulungan and February 2018).

In a family, communication functions not only to provide information to each other but also to educate (Silviani, 2020). Therefore, communication established in the family or between parents and children must be of high quality so that a harmonious relationship can be established. The form of communication that is established between family members is interpersonal or personal communication. This interpersonal communication is a form of communication carried out by two or more people directly (face to face) and has an intimate relationship. Interpersonal communication also talks about efforts to maintain the relationship, considering that the context of this communication is also a bridge over problems or cracks in the relationship.

In a long-distance relationship between parents and students, the intensity of communication is necessary, considering that openness and trust can be reduced. Parents want their children to get a good education, so many parents send their children to study in other cities with advantages in education field (Barus & Rahma, 2022). Meanwhile, some of the reasons students move away from home are to seek a better education, be free from control from their parents, want to experience something new in a new area, know and understand the customs and culture of other areas, want to adapt to a new environment and want to train themselves to be more independent. Along with the progress of the times and awareness of the importance of education for children, parents allow their children to move away from home to have a better life (Saulina, 2013).

Good interpersonal communication patterns will have an impact or supporting factor for family harmony. Inhibiting factors come from conflicts experienced by students and parents. Conflicts stem from stress because parents demand to complete the thesis quickly (Burhanudin, 2021). Parents pressure their children because they are often faced with the burden of high education costs, including tuition fees, living expenses, and others. Conflict between students and parents about completing the thesis is a fairly common phenomenon in many families.

The difference in perception and expectations between students and parents is what triggers conflict. For final-year students, completing a thesis is an intense and time-consuming challenge. This is faced with various activities such as college assignments, part-time jobs, or extracurricular activities. In addition, some students experience internal obstacles, such as a lack of motivation or laziness, while completing their thesis. This can be frustrating for parents when they see the delay as a waste of time and opportunity (February 2018).

On the other hand, parents have high expectations for their students to complete their education on time. This is worrying because of the family’s economic conditions or pressure from the surrounding community that demands students to graduate and get a job. As a result, parents can put a lot of pressure on students to focus on completing their thesis. Tense conflicts between students and parents about the thesis often occur because of the mismatch between expectations and reality (Alhidayah, 2023). It is critical to understand that each individual has a different rhythm and way of learning. Students must be given space and support to complete their thesis according to their abilities and time.

On the other hand, parents need to understand the challenges faced by their children as students living away from home and provide moral support and motivation, not just pressure to complete the task. Constructive dialogue and mutually reinforcing support are essential for students. Students feel supported to complete their thesis, while parents feel more confident that their children are doing their best in their educational journey.

This phenomenon is often experienced by students who live away from home because access to intense communication is hampered by physical distance, although some who live in the same city as their parents also experience it. The stress of final-year students away from home is triggered by academic assignments and adaptation to the new living environment they experience. Conflict interactions with parents arise because of differences in perception and expectations between the two parties (Astuti, 2013). These differences in views can create significant tension between students and parents so that both parties can experience stress. Students feel constrained by constant questions or encouragement from parents regarding their thesis progress. Students experience stress because they are unable to meet their parents’ expectations and feel guilty, while parents may feel anxious or worried about their child’s academic future (Cahyani, 2021). Students who are busy with academic assignments feel unable to communicate adequately and openly with their parents regarding their thesis progress. In contrast, parents feel worried and frustrated because they do not hear about their child’s academic progress.

A study to understand family communication patterns in final-year students is necessary, as well as the factors that influence the occurrence of student conflict with parents, especially in the context of a dynamic and multicultural campus environment such as Yogyakarta. Thus, this study can provide a more comprehensive view of the relationship dynamics between students and their parents and provide a basis for developing intervention strategies to improve welfare and harmony in student families in Yogyakarta.

LITERATURE REVIEW        

Interpersonal Communication

Interpersonal communication is communication between people face to face, which allows each participant to capture the reactions of others directly, both verbally and nonverbally (Nasution, 2014). Interpersonal communication is sending and receiving messages between two people or between a small group of people with some effects and some immediate feedback. Interpersonal communication is communication within oneself; within humans, communication components include sources, messages, channels, recipients, and feedback. Interpersonal communication can be done in conversation, dialogue, and interview. The conversation takes place in a friendly atmosphere. The dialogue takes place in a more intimate, more profound and more personal atmosphere. At the same time, the interview is more serious, namely the presence of a dominant party and the position of asking others the position of answering (Sianipar et al., 2022). This type of communication is considered the most effective in terms of efforts to change a person’s attitude, opinion, or behavior because it is dialogical, in the form of conversation, the backflow is direct (Hidayati, 2020)

Interpersonal communication includes being spontaneous, unstructured, happening by chance, not pursuing planned goals, having an unclear membership identity, and happening only in passing (Hakki, 2017). The context of this communication is dynamic because it involves several processes about how a relationship begins, how to maintain a relationship, and why it breaks down. The rules of relationship interaction are based on the agreement of its members. Other characteristics include: 1) messages are packaged in verbal and non-verbal forms that are oriented towards content and relationships; 2) verbal and non-verbal behaviors have unique characteristics, namely spontaneous behavior, script behavior, and contrived behavior; 3) Communication that goes through different development processes depending on the level of relationship and commitment of the parties involved. 4) Contains immediate feedback, interaction and coherence because they influence each other regularly according to the content of the message received; 5) Active and interactive activities both as a message sender and a message recipient in a series of processes of mutual acceptance, absorption and delivery of responses that each party has processed. One wants to achieve several goals in an interpersonal communication process (Budyatna, 2014), including conveying information, sharing experiences, fostering empathy, collaborating, sharing disappointments, and fostering motivation.

Interpersonal Communication Patterns

Interpersonal communication patterns can vary depending on the context, the individuals involved, and the purpose of the communication. Here are several types of interpersonal communication patterns and their explanations (Nurhadi, 2017):

1. Verbal and nonverbal communication involves using spoken words to convey messages. This includes everyday conversation, talking in business meetings, or speaking with friends.
2. Assertive and aggressive communication involves the ability to express opinions, desires, And feelings clearly And firmly without violating the rights or feelings of others. This approach is balanced between aggressive (insulting) and passive (self-deprecating). Meanwhile, aggressiveness involves expressing feelings, desires, or opinions in a way that violates the rights and feelings of others. This often leads to conflict and discomfort in relationships.
3. Passive-aggressive communication is a mix of passive and aggressive communication. A person may appear passive on the surface, but they are harbouring negative feelings or dissatisfaction, which can result in indirect aggressive behaviour.

The communication pattern models used by Wello (2021) include:

1. Empathetic communication patterns involve a person’s ability to listen attentively, understand the feelings and views of others, and respond with empathy and understanding.
2. Defensive communication involves reacting defensively to criticism or feedback, with attempts to protect oneself or blame others. This can hinder effective communication.
3. Open communication involves the open exchange of ideas, feelings, and views honest and open without any emphasis or tendency to hide something.

Several types of communication patterns were also expressed by Devito (2011):

1. Circle Pattern: The circle pattern has no leader. All members are equal. They have the same authority or power to influence the group. Each member can communicate with the other two members on his/her side.
2. Wheel Pattern: The Wheel Pattern has a clear leader who is in the center; this person is the only one who can send and receive messages from all members. Therefore, if a member wants to communicate with another, the message must be delivered through the leader.
3. Y Pattern: The Y pattern is relatively less centralized than the wheel pattern but more centralized than the other patterns. In the Y pattern, there is also a clear leader (the third person from the bottom), but one other member acts as the second leader (the second person from the bottom). This member can send and receive messages from the other two people. The other three people are limited to only one person in communication.
4. Chain Pattern: The chain pattern is the same as the circle pattern except that the members at the end can only communicate with one person. A centralized state is also present here. The person in the middle plays a more leadership role than those in other positions,
5. Star pattern: almost the same as the circle pattern in that all members are equal and have the same power to influence other members. This pattern allows for optimum member participation.

In this study, the concept of communication patterns from Wello (empathetic, open, defensive) will be used, considering that the research context focuses more on families, especially parents and children, and includes the types of verbal and non-verbal messages conveyed.

RESEARCH METHODS

The research method is a research plan arranged logically and followed by elements regularly, consistently, and operationally related to how the research will be conducted (Akbar, 2012). This type of research is qualitative descriptive research, a method used to understand, explain, and describe certain phenomena or contexts in depth (Al-Mansur, 2014). Researchers collect data using interviews, namely a conversation, to obtain a current construction of people, events, organizations, feelings, motivations, recognition and so on. The reconstruction is based on past experiences (Sonhaji, 2003) . Purposive sampling is a technique for determining informants based on several criteria (Umar, 2016). To determine informants in this study, the author chose the following criteria:

1. Final year students in Yogyakarta who are writing their final assignments.
2. Students and parents who experience conflict in interpersonal relationships that cause tension, disagreement, or feelings of stress/frustration between the two.

Data analysis was conducted simultaneously with the data collection process. This study used qualitative analysis techniques. This technique explains the analysis that starts from the data and leads to general conclusions (Bungin, 2011). The data analysis process is carried out continuously, starting with reviewing all available data from various sources, namely from interviews. These observations will be written in field notes, documents, and so on until the conclusion is drawn. For the stage of conducting data analysis, researchers refer to several stages described by Miles and Huberman, which include 1) Collecting information through interviews with compatible vital informants, 2) Reduction, namely the selection process, focusing on simplification, 4) Presentation of data, namely the activity of a collection of information in the form of narratives, network graphs, tables and charts that aim to sharpen the understanding of the research, 5) At the final stage is drawing conclusions or verification, which seeks the meaning of explanatory patterns, possible configurations, causal flows and propositions (Sutopo, 2002). Data validity is carried out using source triangulation techniques. Source triangulation can be done by collecting data from multiple sources, such as interviews, observations, and document analysis (Rukajat, 2018).

RESULTS AND DISCUSSION

Informant Profile

A. Informant AB (father-son)

B is a final-year student at Universitas Negeri Yogyakarta. She comes from Riau. Her desire to study in Yogyakarta is based on her desire to work in the field of Information Technology as a programmer. During the admission selection, she was not accepted and was transferred by the university to the banking economics department. She tried to promise him and hoped to enjoy it until graduation. As time went by, he felt he found interest once his grades were deficient, especially since he was about to write his final assignment. B felt hopeless and intended to drop out of college because his cumulative index was insufficient to graduate quickly. Hesitation, to be honest with his parents, made him hesitate to tell his father.

Meanwhile, A is B’s father, who feels entitled to know about his son’s college progress, considering he has been studying in Yogyakarta for three years. A always gently invites his son to discuss the future and progress of his studies. He also asks about the college grades that never reached him. Whenever he is invited to discuss, B always avoids it and cries. His father does not have the heart to explore further. One time, B was honest about wanting to drop out of the study program he had been taking and begged his father to understand his difficulties. Although initially shocked, A tried to persuade B to try it first, but B apologized and cried repeatedly so that his wishes would be fulfilled. A finally gave in and felt sorry for his son’s suffering. A decided to follow his son’s wishes and asked him to promise to be careful in everything. Even A invited B to return to his hometown to continue his studies there.

B. informant CD (mother-child)

Informant D was born in Pekan Baru on March 5, 2002. He lives near the campus of Universitas Gajah Mada. He majored in government science. His ambition since childhood was to be an entrepreneur or civil servant. His father works at a mining company, and his mother is a housewife. D is the second of four siblings. The relationship in his family is full of dynamics because he is almost retiring at age 55. This coincides with his status as a final-year student who is in the stage of writing his thesis. His parents are always grilling, especially his mother, with the initials D, by asking about the progress of his studies and thesis. While in the 5th year, D is still on the verge of indecision because he has yet to start submitting the thesis title.

D always looks for ways to avoid questions from his mother regarding his thesis. This is done so that he does not feel pressured by seeing the conditions he is experiencing now, such as thinking about when he should finish his thesis and thinking about his father’s retirement. At the same time, there is a younger sibling who must be supported. His mother always gives news about the condition of the house. D occasionally gets into arguments with his mother. He feels that his mother often reminds him to finish his thesis immediately. His mother added that D should focus more on completing his responsibilities so that school fees can be shared with his younger sibling, who is also attending college. Although his mother’s intentions are good, D often receives the way she conveys them as pressure. The messages of conflict that occur between the two are mostly in the form of verbal conflicts.

C. Informant EF (father-son)

Informant F is a Communication Science student at Universitas Muhammadiyah Yogyakarta who comes from Bengkulu. As the first child of three siblings, he experienced tremendous pressure in completing his thesis, mainly because of his responsibility as the first child who had to take care of his younger siblings, especially after his mother died three years ago. His father, E, is a civil servant who is the sole financial supporter of the family.

F has a problem in the form of confusion when planning his thesis research. When his father asked about the progress of F’s thesis, he remained worried about his current condition. He tried to appreciate his father’s efforts, who worked hard to provide a better future for his family. Losing his mother three years ago left a heavy emotional burden on him and his family, but he still tried to stay strong and complete his responsibilities as the eldest child.

The conflict between F and his father arose because of different perceptions about priorities, but both parties seemed to understand and comprehend each other. F always tried to understand his father’s condition, while E, as a father, only wanted the best for his son. E reminded him of the importance of completing his thesis on time. F looked for ways to overcome anxiety and confusion by entertaining himself through activities with his friends or telling his feelings to his girlfriend. This shows that F needs social support and a place to relieve his burden. This social support helps him to feel calmer and more focused on completing his thesis.

D. Informant GH (father-son)

Informant H is a Communication Science student at the Universitas Islam Indonesia, Yogyakarta. He is the second of two siblings from South Jakarta. His father is an entrepreneur who is responsible for asking about H’s activities in Yogyakarta related to his thesis. H answered that he had found a supervisor and a thesis title. However, he is still involved in a side job at a coffee shop near his campus because he gets comfort and is always happy to do the activity. Although his father is not worried about H’s college fees, he is concerned about his son’s academic responsibilities, which are busy with side jobs. Although G’s intention is good to guide and provide experience from his college days, this interaction creates a conflict that makes H even more upset and confused. As a father, G tries to give his son direction and input about completing his final assignment on time. This method makes H feel offended because his father seems to not believe in his abilities and feels that his father is constantly interfering in his affairs. H felt burdened and wanted to have space to explore other activities besides academics. This created tension in the relationship between the two.

Table 1 below describes the conflict atmosphere that occurs between parents and final-year students:

Table 1: Description of parent-student conflict

Based on the data findings above, the communication patterns of the four pairs of informants can be grouped as follows:

a. Empathy Communication Patterns in AB and EF Couples

Empathetic communication, as expressed by Hariyanto (Prihanti, 2017), shows mutual understanding between communication participants. This communication will be able to create interactions that make one party understand the other party’s point of view. Some indicators that characterize empathetic communication include:

1. Interest in the partner’s point of view. This attitude will make partners more open with each other.
2. Patience is not interrupting the partner’s conversation. Much information can be obtained if the communicator is patient in obtaining a detailed explanation from the communicator’s point of view.
3. I had a calm demeanor despite strong negative emotional expressions. Some points of view are so personal that expressing emotional involvement is unavoidable.
4. Be free from prejudice or non-evaluative unless necessary. To understand another person’s point of view, we must develop a descriptive rather than an evaluative point of view. An evaluative attitude can make the communicator select things that need to be conveyed or not, considering whether his point of view will be accepted or not, approved or not by the partner. If this happens, then we cannot understand the partner’s point of view correctly.
5. Supportive attitude to the partner. This attitude shows the support or assistance expected from the communicant from the communicator. Providing support and assistance will develop empathy in the auditee and readiness to reciprocate the support and assistance received.
6. Understanding attitude. This attitude requires the partner to obtain agreement on his/her point of view. When the communicator disagrees, he/she simply states that he/she can understand the point of view without having to state their agreement or disagreement.

Empathetic communication itself has one of the quite important functions in building good communication between family members in order to understand and comprehend each other. With empathetic communication, each individual involved in communication can build social relations (Masturi, 2010). Compassionate communication is expected to create social and emotional equality among communication participants.

This empathetic communication pattern is seen in couples A and B. A wants to remind B why he must graduate on time. A’s statement makes A open about why he did not graduate immediately. Finally, openness occurs when B tells the chronology of why he had difficulty following lectures, that he was in the wrong major. A is very calm when facing his son’s frankness. A does not even think of B as a un self-aware child. With complete understanding, A supports whatever B wants, including returning to his hometown or studying in Yogyakarta by changing majors, likewise with couple E and F. As a parent, E is honest that his ability to pay for college is minimal, especially since F’s younger sibling will soon attend college. Mutual understanding occurs when F feels guilty, and finally, he apologizes many times and cries in front of his father. Even F understood his father’s high intonation without any negative assumptions. He understood very well why his father was angry.

These two students, B and F, clearly have high self-control when facing pressure from their father to make their final assignments. Along with the developmental tasks of adolescents, Phares and Lefcont they were stated that several studies found that individuals with a good self-control orientation are more successful in directing their attention, more selective towards stimuli, and more sensitive to tasks. Individuals with internal tendencies (self-control) have a higher level of aspiration, are more involved with the environment in which they are located, are independent, can restrain feelings and desires for the sake of long-term goals, are responsible, have high fighting spirit, and are persistent (Oktarini, 2014).

In empathetic communication, it is very important to understand each other’s psychological and emotional conditions involved in the communication process. Partners will follow the process of being present without any coercion so that the message that each individual wants to convey can be realized (Muzzammil, 2022). The presence of empathetic communication aims to provide and introduce the form of thoughts, desires, beliefs, and feelings of others. In other words, empathetic communication aims for each individual to have the ability to position themselves to understand the circumstances of others (Zulvianti, 2012). The complete understanding felt by both parties turned out to be able to produce the best decision without having to harm the other party. The conflict between them in the form of objections or non-verbal behavior ended with an apology and mutual understanding.

One of a person’s communication skills can be seen from their ability to communicate empathetically. This empathetic communication is aimed at being able to project oneself to the communication partner. Based on the perspective of others, a person will be able to appreciate and feel what others feel (Harjana, 2007). As a father, A can feel the difficulties a student faces when writing. His message focuses on always being grateful for the blessing of being able to study at college so that studying is not a burden. B is advised to always use information sources on campus, make an appointment outside of class with the supervisor, or come to the department office to ask about the lecturer’s whereabouts.

A can empathize with the academic stress that final-year students may experience. Weidner et al. (1996) stated that academic stress is stress related to educational activities that occur during the education period caused by demands that arise when students are in the education period. In the academic field, ideally, a student writing a thesis can play an active role, have high intelligence, broad insight, and discipline, and be diligent in following thesis guidance until the tasks given by the supervisor are completed so that the academic potential possessed by a student can be achieved well so that they can graduate on time. The lower the student’s stress, the higher the student’s chances of achieving academic achievement. The impact of stress on students writing a thesis due to parental pressure will create a dead end and an inharmonious relationship.

The decision-making of parents who leave the decision to their children causes B and F not to feel stressed or frustrated because they get full support from their parents, who have been paying for their college. Adolescent stress is usually caused by several factors, ranging from biological, family, school, peer, and social-environmental factors. In addition, the main factor causing stress in adolescents is the family, one of which is parenting patterns (Andreani et al., 2020).

Both pairs of informants used democratic parenting patterns so that they were able to avoid severe stress in children. Democratic parenting patterns from parents are oriented towards treating children to shape children’s personalities by prioritizing the interests of children who behave rationally. This democratic parenting pattern is a combination of permissive and authoritarian parenting patterns to balance thoughts, attitudes and actions between children and parents. This pattern pays attention to and respects children’s freedom, but that freedom is not absolute; parents provide understanding guidance to children. This parenting pattern gives children the freedom to express their opinions and do what they want but does not cross the boundaries or rules that have been set by their parents (Tridonanto, 2014). Democratic parenting will provide an open atmosphere so that it provides more opportunities for adolescents to carry out the adjustment process effectively (Majidah, et al. 2023). With this parenting pattern, B and F gain the trust of their parents to make the best decisions. Parents are aware that this method will have a more positive impact and will not interfere with their interactions. Without having to use violence and coercion, B and H will realize their rights and responsibilities as children in terms of education.

Through sufficient verbal support, E was able to inspire F’s enthusiasm to return to completing his final assignment. Both B and F felt like people who were still loved and appreciated as children. Their parents still gave them the freedom to make decisions. As Sarafino (1994) stated, social support refers to efforts to provide comfort to others, care for them, or appreciate them. Social support can make someone feel comfortable, supported, and loved when under stress and build self-esteem, competence, and value. Thus, it can make individuals feel able to face obstacles or difficulties in carrying out something. With the support received, students who are writing a thesis can be enthusiastic and confident in their abilities and make various efforts to achieve targets or goals.

Social support given in the form of words or other non-verbal behavior is enough to motivate B and F. Parents do not have to give gifts to students; motivation can also be given through encouragement and support from those closest to them. Giving praise should refer to the achievements or efforts made by students through positive and helpful words. By encouraging verbally, those closest to them help students feel appreciated and motivated and remain enthusiastic in carrying out academic and non-academic activities. This also allows students to build self-confidence and strong intrinsic motivation within themselves (Matthews, 2017).

In addition to being responsible for the financial interests of their children’s education in college, parents are also responsible for motivating by providing important moral and emotional support (Antosa, 2020). Both A and E have carried out this function very well. They were able to make their children aware of being responsible for continuing their studies. Both of them also realized how to face the future with optimism. According to Nurmi and Aunola (2000), one of the factors that influence future orientation is resilience, namely, a person’s advantage in dealing with or minimizing impossible situations. Resilience is formulated as a positive attitude. Gillham suggested that the advantages of resilience are regulating emotions, controlling considerations or support, will, and feelings, analyzing the emergence of problems, and self-confidence or trust. Both student informants could regulate their emotions in conflict so that it did not drag on, considering decision-making with confidence even though it required consequences that were not light, B had to repeat his studies while F had to force himself to work hard on his final assignment.

For some undergraduate students, it is indeed not easy to enjoy writing activities with high enthusiasm. The energy that must be expended to think and read books is also not small, so many of them drop out of college at this stage. According to Hadi (2001), in a thesis, students must use their thinking, attitude, and action skills to explore and develop new knowledge to contribute to their field of expertise. In addition, they are required to follow scientific rules and ethics that apply to the scientific community.

b. Defensive Communication in CD and GH Couples

Defensive communication tends to be identical to a controlling attitude, which is usually marked by the emergence of attitudes of evaluating, criticizing, blaming, mocking, and judging each other. In contrast to empathetic communication, some people believe that the presence of this defensive communication pattern can distance relationships between people in intimate relationships. A communicator using this communication tends to dominate, likes to force and command, and does not hesitate to threaten (Fuad, 2012).

Both CD and GH couples seemed to respond to conflict by their children by arguing, staring sharply, or avoiding face-to-face meetings. As parents, C and G developed a pattern of verbal communication with a high tone that made their children very resistant. D and H thought their parents did not understand their condition by always blaming them for not graduating soon. This defensive communication has several characteristics:

The form of a defensive climate will be characterized by (Liliweri, 2017):

1. Evaluation, meaning an assessment of others, can be praising or criticizing. Evaluation generally uses adjectives (wrong, nonsense, stupid, etc.).
2. Control, namely trying to change other people, controls their behaviour, attitudes, opinions and actions.
3. Strategy is the use of deception or manipulation to influence others.
4. Neutral means there is no concern for the surrounding environment.
5. Superiority means an attitude that shows you are higher or better than others because of status, power, intellectual ability, beauty, and wealth.
6. Certainty means wanting to win on your own and seeing your own opinion as the truth.

In the case of both pairs of informants in this study, parents have superiority in the form of power over financial power. The nature of certainty also appears when the final result of the conflict does not reach a solution. Parents control the child’s behavior, so D and H feel helpless and are in a stressful position because of the constant pressure to graduate. Meanwhile, parents do not give children the opportunity to express their reasons at all.

Cases D and H fall into the late completion of final assignments caused by several things. The problems of completing the thesis vary widely; this can be due to laziness, despair, work, or other factors such as anxiety in communicating and most often occur when they are faced with a communication activity, be it discussing and guidance with the supervisor. Not completing the thesis on time will, of course, be a problem. In addition to the institution/study program and students, completing the thesis on time will also make the family or parents of the student happy, satisfied or disadvantaged (Wardana & Budyanra, 2021).

In the case of D, the delay in completing the final assignment was related to the difficulty of collecting data, so he had to patiently wait for his informant to have the right time and the supervisor, who was challenging to meet. While in H, the delay lay in his willingness to work part-time amid his busy college schedule. Both experienced stress because their parents did not want to understand the conditions they wanted to live. Parents were not open to their children’s input. In the case of student D, he was a student who lacked independence in learning. Nurhayati (2018) learning independence is an attitude of responsibility, self-confidence, initiative, and self-motivation without the help of others, which is a person’s learning ability to master knowledge that can be used to solve problems encountered in the learning process.

The phenomenon of students working as H did is no longer rare. According to Putri (2006), many students from well-off backgrounds (economically capable) are doing activities to increase their pocket money or experience. Students in the world of campus already appear more mature and able to process their thoughts to find a job. They seem indifferent to their parent’s hard work, who have shed sweat to get their children used to sending money from work. Their work activities usually take up more time, so lecture attendance is not fulfilled and impacts course grades. As an exception, working students continue to successfully carry out their two roles by managing their time as well as possible.

According to Jacinta (2002), some of the things that underlie a student’s work include a) financial needs related to economic factors, such as wages, salaries, and income obtained from work; b) Relational social needs, in the form of the need to socialize with many people to exchange ideas. c) Self-actualization needs. This need was developed by Abraham Maslow, namely the need to find the meaning of his life through the activities undertaken. Based on its characteristics, the case of H, who works, is included in fulfilling social needs because his parents can still finance his studies.

Defensive communication is often shown when someone feels that a communication threatens their self-esteem, ego, or status. Therefore, in responding to such threatening communication, someone will be busier looking for ways to defend themselves than trying to understand the message’s meaning (Harjana, 2007). The communication pattern of both defensive parents is a statement of attitude/ego that parents are able to control their children’s behaviour because they have financial power. This is what is then interpreted as a form of parental authoritarianism towards children. If this becomes a habit, it will have an influence on humans, so they tend to find it difficult to express genuine affection and love, especially in parent-child relationships. In the end, love and affection are difficult to grow in an unhealthy communication atmosphere (Kamaruddin et al., 2014). In defensive communication, the interaction is often one-sided, so the individuals involved appear inactive, creative, and reflective when trying to understand the message conveyed in the communication. This causes defensive communication to tend to be passive, not dynamic, defensive, and impersonal (Djamarah, 2004). This is evidenced by the responses of D and H, who tend to deny and avoid. Thus, several implications of communication can be said to be defensive communication, namely, evaluative in nature, characterized by liking to evaluate someone’s weaknesses without thinking about the person’s self-esteem, controlling in nature where there is an ambition to control the partner, and strategic where the aim is to influence the interlocutor (Jalaluddin Rakhmat, 2007). Defensive parenting is in line with authoritarian parenting which is characterized by a tendency to be unresponsive to children’s rights and wishes because it focuses more on children’s obedience and does not give children the opportunity to ask questions and comment (Bee and Boyd, 2014). D and H’s wishes regarding the difficulty of completing final assignments and enjoying side jobs are not well understood by both parents. Parents think rigidly that what they want must be done by the child, so the child’s reasons are not heard.

Based on the discussion above, we can describe the communication patterns of the two pairs of informants along with the factors that influence them:

The communication pattern adopted by parents in motivating children to complete their final assignments will be effective if done with an empathetic pattern. With this pattern, the best solution for children will be realized because it contains a positive climate in the form of openness, provisional, descriptive, and problem-oriented. Each partner can understand each other and come up with a win-win solution without anyone being disappointed.

CONCLUSION

Conflicts between parents and final-year students are familiar. Parents want their children to graduate on time in their studies at college. Meanwhile, their children have difficulty in the process of writing their thesis. The results of the survey from two pairs of informants showed variations in communication patterns in conflict, namely empathetic patterns and defensive patterns. These two patterns bring opposing behaviors when in conflict. Parents usually apply pressure in the name of financial power, and which negatively impacts students.

The implementation of empathetic communication patterns by the AB and EF couples has brought the parent-child conflict to a conclusion with the presence of a solution. Although the AB couple did not decide to graduate immediately, a win-win solution still occurred when B left the decision entirely to B to continue studying in the study program of interest. Meanwhile, F was quite aware that the advice and conflict of his parents were solely for his good in the future, so he apologized and promised to be able to graduate on time.

On the other hand, the defensive communication pattern carried out by the C- D and GH couples led to a deadlock in solutions and reaped negative responses from their children. In conflict, the children argued, stared sharply, and avoided the thesis topic. Parents were considered unable to understand their problems, which made the students stressed because they were repeatedly pressured to graduate.

Several factors that influence the implementation of this empathetic communication pattern include children’s learning independence, resilience, and parenting patterns, while defensive communication patterns are influenced by parents’ financial power to control children’s behavior. The tension between parents and students regarding writing final assignments will subside when they are open to each other, understand the problem, and support each other. Parents should not be in a dominant position but rather choose to be equal or democratic so that it will create a win-win solution pattern with no one party being disappointed or disadvantaged.

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