An Analysis of Supportive Communication between Broken-Home Adolescents and their Friend: A Case Study in Yogyakarta

An Analysis of Supportive Communication between Broken-Home Adolescents and their Friend: A Case Study in Yogyakarta
Ahmad Halim Amrullah, Suciati & Atik Septi Winarsih
Universitas Muhamadiyah Yogyakarta

DOI: https://dx.doi.org/10.47772/IJRISS.2023.701029

Received: 07 September 2023; Revised: 24 September 2023; Accepted: 29 September 2023; Published: 28 October 2023

ABSTRACT

This study describes the supportive communication of broken-home adolescents with their best friends in Yogyakarta. The used theory is “Categories of Defensive and Supportive Behavior” or is called the defense and support theory, which assumes that each individual has the nature not only to defend himself but also to provide support to others. This research type is a descriptive qualitative approach. The data collection technique was in-depth interviews and the purposive sampling technique was used to determine the research informants. Then, the data were analyzed with an interactive analysis. Meanwhile, for the validity test, the authors used the source triangulation. The research results showed that pair I (S and F) with the background of a broken-home family and more than 7 years of friendship run amicably. The similarities made it easier for them to open themselves to others and become more honest without worrying about demeaning each other because of understanding individual feelings and conditions. Pair II (A and I), although it did not have conditions for the same family, were able to open up to each other with the frequent meetings because they have lived in one boarding house since enrolling the college. Even though A felt shy at the beginning of the meeting, I showed a positive response which it could foster self-confidence and make it easy for them to open up. However, I needed to cautiously respond and give suggestions so that I did not hurt his best friend’s feelings. The broken-home teenagers only needed to be listened to when encountering a problem that should be understood. Moreover, they needed a place to share their feelings to the people they trusted and to improve their self-confidence. Their friends are required to respond and provide suggestions, but they must not look down on him/her. For example, they could offer solutions based on their experiences or suggest another perspective on the problem. Sometimes, they just listened to their friends’ suggestions without truly doing them. The self-disclosure of the broken-home teenagers was merely to relieve their sadness due to the trauma of the separation from their parents.

Keywords: broken-home adolescents, spontaneity, provisionalism, empathy, equality, description, self-confidence

INTRODUCTION

The smallest social system in society is a family. A family is a child’s first center of education. Parents act as educators and then a child will imitate everything they see, hear, and feel from them (Mizal, 2014). He / She will follow everything he/she looks in the environment. Thus, a family becomes the most important social system for humans because it becomes a means for children to interact within themselves and with each other. Then, the important aspect is to determine how effectively and efficiently a family carries out its functions.

Families often have disagreements between family members, which causes conflicts. However, there is a conflict of interpersonal relationships between individuals, that cannot be denied. The more is the dependence on each other, the greater the possibility of conflict (Dwyer in Lestari, 2012). When a conflict cannot be resolved, disunity will happen quickly. Various matters are done by the family to be successful in settling a conflict, which can destroy the integrity of the family. Nevertheless, not all families cannot be united; for instance, some married couples are forced to divorce due to prolonged and unresolved conflicts. The decision ultimately brings the family into a broken home situation.

A broken home can be seen from two sides. First, the family is broken up because of its incomplete family structure, where one of the parents dies or is divorced. Second, parents are often not involved at home or do not even have a connection to their children, causing the family structure to lag. The rupture of a family is interpreted as a family that has cracked. It is the condition of disappearance, lack of attention, lack of love, and disagreement from parents caused by several factors. One of them is because of divorce, so a child only stays together with one parent (Willis, 2015). Likewise, a broken home is a lack of attention from family or a lack of love for a person which makes children mentally ill, frustrated, brutal, and unruly (Willis in Istiana (2017). Additionally, the divorce experienced by parents has an impact not only on the husband and wife but also on the development of children (Yusuf, 2014).

Adolescence is a phase or transition period from childhood to adulthood that starts from the age of around 12 years to 18 to 21 years (King, 2012). Dunbar states that during this phase, a child, who is developing, experiences various changes, body, status (appearance, fashion,  ownership  and range of options), and attitudes towards sex and types. Another possibility of change is the connection between parents and their children which also changes the regulation that is applied to the child when she/he is young (Fhadila, 2017). So, perhaps, this can cause a big impact to parents and a child which they are forced to be separated.

Furthermore, the considered thing is the impacts of parent divorce when parents and children are forced separated. It will be perceived more strongly when the children have entered the developmental stage of a teenager or adolescence (Soviana, 2020). The research findings from Loughlin (in Nasiri, 2016) showed that children or teenagers who experience divorced parents will usually have symptoms of long-term mental health disorders, which are stress, anxiety, confusion, and depression. They tend to feel that their family is no longer intact (Brooks, 2011). When they enter the adolescence phase, the family’s role is as a guide and controller of adolescents’ growth and development in expressing themselves and looking for the environment in accordance with their identity.

Some negative impacts on adolescents because of the divorced parents. For instance, AJ (13 years old), a student of SMPN 164 Jakarta, was reported disappearing on 26 February 2018. It turns out that  he ran away to his relatives without any information and saying goodbye to his family in South Tangerang. He escaped because wanted to calm his mind from some problems caused by the parent’s divorce (Wartakota Live, 2018). Likewise, YI (7 years old) killed his friend due to the Rp. 1000 which was thought to be very valuable to YI. Sadly, he never got pocket money and received attention from his parents because they were divorced. YI recorded already times of moving to school. He was still in the 1st grade of elementary school, but he rarely went to school because he busked to earn money on his own. Grievously, he rarely even returned to his home and was never looked after by his parents (Nugroho, 2013). Therefore, it can be assumed that the occurring problems in a household due to the parent’s divorce can have fatal consequences for children.

Based on the study background, the authors formulate this research question: what are the forms of supportive communication that occur between broken-home children and their friends?  This research focuses on the case study in Yogyakarta. The focus of this article is to describe circumstantially the forms of supportive communication between broken-home children and their friends that are seen through 6 indicators, including description, problem orientation, spontaneity, empathy, equality, and provisionalism and the factors that influence the informants to apply the six indicators with their friends.

THEORETICAL REVIEW

1. Interpersonal Communication

Budyatna (2015) states that interpersonal communication is used by people in close relationships. The communication form includes mutually beneficial personal relationships and the awareness of each individual to think positively about their relationships (Suciati, 2017). Based on Triningtyas (2016), participants do not only focus on conveying the message but also paying attention to their relationships. The greater the number of people communicating, the more complexity the communication process can improve, especially on topics. The essence of interpersonal communication is intimacy between participants, so this communication is perceived as the most effective in changing someone’s attitudes, opinions, or behavior. This communication process is dialogical and provides direct feedback.

Ascharisa and Anisa (2020) say that there are four objectives in interpersonal communication. They are; to be understood, to understand others, to be accepted, and to get something done. The further details are mentioned as follows:

1. To be understood: The delivery of verbal and non-verbal messages is that recipients of the messages can understand.
2. To understand others: Participants must be able to understand what other people say.
3. To be accepted: It means the feeling of being accepted and loved by other individuals or groups. To meet social needs, a person must have relationships with other people and manage relationships through interpersonal communication.
4. To get something done: Each participant gets something that can be completed together.

If the initial objectives are achieved, it will support the realization of effective interpersonal communication. Novianti, Sondakh, and Rembang (2017) add that the effectiveness of interpersonal communication will be characterized by openness, positive attitudes, empathy, equality, and provisionalism.

2. Supportive Communication

Supportive communication process is characterized by providing accurate messages, mutual support, and close relationships between participants when communicating (Iqbal, 2020). If participants can understand the intentions of the interlocutor in communicating, it will support and calm the individual who is the interlocutor (Blell, Alai-Rosales, & Rosales-Ruiz, 2010). This supportive communication is a form of emotional and social support, in which individuals are involved to fulfill the need for recognition and social interaction (DeNobile, 2013). Additionally, Mark and John (2002) state that this communication can improve affirmation and moral encouragement which are the other forms of emotional and social support. Thus, supportive communication is carried out verbally and non-verbally to provide assistance to other people who need it.

The theory of “Categories of Defensive and Supportive Behavior” or the theory of defense and support means that each individual actually has the characteristics to defend him/herself, but also to provide support (Liliweri, 2017). The reason why a messenger becomes defensive depends on two factors, namely personal factors and situational factors. Personal factors can cause feelings of anxiety, fear, and low self-esteem. Meanwhile, situational factors emerge due to how other people communicate based on physical attractiveness, closeness, and knowledge (Rakhmat, 2012).

This theory indicates that there are tools that can control defensive behavior which is the opposite of supportive behavior, including:

1. Evaluation means judging other people, such as making good and bad valuations or criticizing.
2. Control means a person’s attempt to change other people’s perceptions, so other people can behave as desired or can be controlled as demanded.
3. Strategy is a method or trick used to influence someone.
4. Neutrality is when someone shows an indifferent attitude and does not pay attention to a situation that someone is experiencing.
5. Superiority means an attitude which shows that someone is higher or more perfect than other people because of power status, intellect, wealth, or even good looks or beauty.
6. Certainty means a person who wants to win for her/himself and sees her/himself as the most correct person.

In addition, the six indicators of supportive behavior as opposed to defensive behavior indicators include:

1. Description means conveying our feelings and perceptions of other people without judgment.
2. Problem orientation means inviting people to communicate about the problems that a person is experiencing, working together to solve the problem, and setting strategies to achieve the goals.
3. Spontaneity is an honest attitude and no hidden motives.
4. Empathy is an attitude in which someone understands what other people are feeling, and considers and sees from other people’s points of view.
5. Equality is an attitude that does not emphasize differences, treats people as human beings with the same perceptions, and does not discriminate.
6. Provisionalism is an attitude in which a person accepts that there are differences of opinion and is willing to review his own opinion.

Thus, good interpersonal communication occurs if both parties display support and are not defensive. Those indicators of supportive behavior show that each participant should have descriptive behavior, orientation, spontaneity, empathy, equality, and professionalism ( Liliweri, 2017) .

3. Broken Home Family

According to the Complete Dictionary of Psychology, a broken – home is a situation in which a family experiences rift, untidy, and no presence of members, and it occurs when a husband and a wife separate for natural (death) or human (divorce) reasons, leaving the one parent to look after and be accountable for the children  (Chaplin, 2008). The breakup and rift, of a family or the dissolution of the social role structure occur if one or several members fail to carry out their roles properly (Goode, 2007). Meanwhile, Yusuf (2012) says that a family is considered as broken – home when  the folllowing criteria happen to that family:

1. A husband and a wife separate for a natural reason (death)
2. A husband and a wife separate for a human reason (Parent divorce)
3. The interaction between children and their parents does not run well.
4. The connection to their parents is not good.
5. There is no inner warmth of a family.
6. Parents have disturbance or mental disorders.

Thus, a broken  home can also be seen from two aspects, namely; (1) the family is broken because the family member structure is not complete, caused by death or divorce of their parents; (2) the family is complete or not divorced, but both parents are often not at home or show lack of a family’s affection and love (Willis, 2008). In this recent research, the characteristics of a broken home that was studied are determined as follows: (1) there is a divorce between both parents; (2) the communication does not run sell between children and parents; (3) the children lack parental affection, care and love; (4) there exists violence in the family. The negative family condition  affects on the children’s social behavior as a victim.

The social behavior of broken -home children in the school environment also show more negative phenomena, for examples, talking with their friends when teachers teach them during the lesson, walking around in classroom, occasionally running way to the restroom, feeling reluctant to study, being impolite with teachers, skipping assignments and being demotivated, seeking attention, having unique and different appearance such as spiky hair and dyed hair like a punk,  wearing a uniform that is not appropriate with the school rules, bullying their classmates, and drastically changing their characters such as  being cheerful turned into gloomy and quiet, being enthusiastic about learning then turned into lazy, being obedient and docile then turned into disobedient, mischievous, and harsh in speaking. Their behaviors really interfere the class atmosphere and also the teaching and learning process (Aziz, 2015).

4. Friendship

Friendship exists two individuals or more which have emotional connection such as understanding each other, having same feelings, and believing to each other(Dariyo, 2003). It is built because of its determination for maintaining emotional bond. In addition, Argyle and Henderson state that friendship includes people who like each other, enjoy each other’s presence, have similar interests and activities. Each other helps and understand each other, trust to each other, create comfortable circumstances for others, and providing emotional support (Kartono, 1996). Some characteristics of friendship are connection dyadic, which there are attention and concern for each other, egalitarianism, and volunteering;  two people become friends and do activities together (Craighead & Nemeroff, 2004). Damon (in Dariyo, 2003) divides three stages development of friendship as follows:

• Friendship as Handy Playmate

This phase usually is experienced by a child aged 4-7 years old. Friendships happen because the children have similar interest and need a friend to play together. The friendships in this phase tend to be temporary.

• Friendship as Mutual Trust and Assistance

This phase is usually experienced by a child aged 8-10 years which the friendship is deeper. The friendship in this phase is based on trust and help. So, when one of their friends need a help, they will assist.

• Friendship as Intimacy and Loyalty

This phase is experienced by a child aged 11-15 years old. The friendship become stronger and is based on faithfulness. They have showed their deep side of themselves, such as being warm, open and communicative. They also share secrets because they believe to each other and become loyal to their friends. .

Gottman and Parker as cited in (Santrock, 2003) claim six friendship functions in teenagers, namely:

1. Togetherness: Someone needs friends who can accompany and have time  to do same activities.
2. Stimulation competence: Friends will exchange information and share joy that makes someone develop their potential because he has opportunities in social situations.
3. Physical support: The presence of a friend will make the friend valuable when she/he faces problems.
4. Ego support: Friends will provide attention and empathize so deeply which can help their best friend out of feeling of depression or stress. Then, they restore mental, morale, and enthusiasm to continue life.
5. Social comparison: Friendship is a mirror in social life. For example, friends can provide information about partners’ Friends will not become badmouth or talk their best friends’ weaknesses to others.
6. Familiarity and attention/ affection: friends will not betray their friend because they have trust and respect to their friend.

The five important competence are required in a friendship (Samter, 2003), namely: (1) initiation means that someone must start getting closer to know other people and build smooth, pleasant and relaxed interactions; (2) the nature of being willing to listen to each other means focusing on the conversation with their best friend then provide a response;  (3) self-disclosure self means that friends have to express themselves to each other, which can bring up deep talks; (4) emotional support will create comfort when the friends can relate what the other friend feel and experience; (5) management conflict means that there are disputes of mutual understanding in friendship; all of which will be resolved if each other can see other friends managing conflict competently.

According to Parker and Asher (1993), there are six aspects of friendship quality, including:

1. Validation and caring are the extent to which the relationship is characterized by care, support, and interest.
2. Friendship and recreation have always been a place for them to spend time
3. Help and guidance mean that they try to help each
4. Intimates change means acceptance and disclosure of feelings or personal affairs to each other.
5. Conflict and betrayal means that a friendship goes through disagreements, annoyance, distrust, and
6. Conflict resolution means that the conflict has been overcome.

Burke, et al. (in Soviana, 2020) mention that as a consequence of divorced parents, teenagers will get closer to their friends. The good quality of friendship can be marked with  the high frequent positive interactions and  less negative interactions. They have close relationship, exchange  thoughts and ideas to each other, care and help to each other, have same interest, and complete to each other. Those are the influences of communication between broken home teenagers and friends. Then, it can create supportive communication between them, so it is important to be studied related to the supportive communication. At least, the research results could be useful in helping them  have positive attitudes and confident. Based on the cases researchers had encountered, it was precisely that the communication patterns and the behavior of broken-home teenagers really depended on who they hung out with, which their environment is amiable and on what communication patterns they used  with their best friend.

Moreover, Hartono and Shanti (2018) found that there was the number of communication aspect that was perceived differently by students high and low GPAs when controlling their emotions. The non-verbal support is the most influential in the aspect of empathy. Furthermore, Yusmansyah and Mayasari (2017) found that the supportive attitude in students’ interpersonal communication could be improved through a study group guidance service of junior high school students in Bandar Lampung. The use of a study group guidance service and assertive technique training could foster the supportive attitude  in their interpersonal communication. The other research from Bugis (2021) who found that broken home adolescents behavior were very kind to their peers at school, but there are also peers who do not accept their behavior. When broken – home teenagers made humors, their friends avoided them and ignore about what they did. On the other hand, teenagers’ relationships with peers who could accept them could become very close, even became the best friends. The uniqueness of this study highlights how the supportive communication of broken home teenagers can make a good relationship with their friends. It is expected that the benefits of the research results can change the perceptions and behavior of broken-home teenagers so that they avoid negative things and become better individuals. The supports from their friends are considered essential in building  the positive behavior at their home in its environment.

RESEARCH METHODS

This research uses the qualitative approach with descriptive type. Qualitative research  is used  to describe and analyze phenomenon, social activity, incident, attitude, trust, perception and someone’s thought in an individual or a group (Sukmadinata, 2007). Meanwhile, descriptive qualitative research is a method based on philosophy of post positivism which was usually used for researching the condition of natural object which the research instrument is a researcher him/herself (Sugiyono, 2016). To collect the data,  researchers can use some techniques, such as interview, observations, questionnaires, testing, archives and documents (Suwartono & Risanto, 2014). In this recent research, the authors used in-depth interview to collect the qualitative data. In conducting in-depth interviews, there are steps: a general step from (Indrawan & Yaniawati, 2014) is : determining the sample purposively and identifying the sources to be interviewed, making appointments with the interviewees regarding the time and matters to be discussed in the interview, determining the type of interview that was in line with the problems and circumstances of the interviewees, managing time and ways that were efficient and flexible for both the interviewers and interviewees, discontinuing the interview when had got the enough information/data. To determine the research informants, the authors used the purposive sampling techniques. It used the certain considerations (Sugiyono, 2012). The characteristics of broken-home adolescents included: living at the same house with their parents, having the parents who have been divorced for a long time, and having the best friends. Meanwhile, the characteristics the friends involved having a close relationship with the informants (broken home teenagers), have the same age level, and having often face-to-face interactions with them. Then, the data were analyzed by using qualitative analysis which makes the effort to work on the data, to organize data, to synthesize it, to look for and find pattern, to discover what  can be learned and to decide what to display for other people (Moleong, 2007). Data triangulation techniques in this recent research were used to check the data validity. It is the technique of collecting data by combining and connecting the collected data to the data sources (Sugiyono, 2016). In this recent research, data triangulation was carried out by comparing the data results from the observation with the results of interview testing the credibility of data from the same source.

DISCUSSION

Informants Profile

Pair S – F

S is 23 years old and woman. Currently, she is studying at Yogyakarta State University. She was quite happy at that time during his childhood, even though she was often left by his father to work out of town. From elementary school to junior high school, she was adequate quiet, but when she went to a high school, she started actively participating in an extracurricular program. her activeness in organizations continued until she is in the university. S’s parents divorced when she was in junior high school. However, she admitted that she was not too affected by the parent divorce. She still have a good education, behaves well, is same as others, is liked by many of her friends. However, she found it difficult to open up to other people about her family’s condition.

Finally, S met her best friend, F. S was brave to open herself about her family problems to F, who was an adolescent  girl  and whose coincidentally parents were divorced. The friendship  between the two of them became stronger because  of their family conditions. They often exchanged stories and gave solutions to their problems. Although now they were separated in different cities, it did not make their friendship strain. They regularly greeted each other via cell phone. When they return to the village, they immediately looked for each other to relieve their longing.

Pair A – I

In addition, A is 21 years old, woman, and born in West Java. Currently, she is taking her undergraduate program in one of universities in Central Java. She is known as a cheerful and humorous person. A’s family is harmonious and warm. Her parents had been divorced since 2013. So, she has stayed together with her mother. Her parents’ divorce made her traumatized and afraid. Since A was a teenager, she had been very traumatized by men due to having the worst experiences from her biological father and her stepfather. She has a tough nature and always feels right.  The trauma of losing parents was still felt until her high school. She often felt jealous of other people who have intact families. When she was in high school, she was betrayed by a man, so  she felt the trauma again and deeper. Until now, she still thinks that all men are the same and they always hurt and betray. Then, A met her best friend, I while studying at the same university. Even though they did not come from the broken home family, A’s family has many similarities with family I. This made their friendship seem closer even though it has not been around for long.

Next, I was born in Central Java, is 22 years old and is a woman. Currently, she is pursuing undergraduate program at university in Central Java. I is known as a cheerful and humorous person. She does not get  enough attention from parents which are busy. She often go out with her friends. Since childhood, she had been required to be independent and was looked after by a housemaid. It was difficult for her to adapt with new environment. Until she went to high school, she discovered a new world by meeting her friends from various background. When she first enrolled the college, I met A, who is now her best friend.

The following paragraphs describe the form of supportive communication between 2 pairs of the research informants based on the six indicators.

1. Description (does not blame or condemn)

According to Gibbs, description is interpreted as conveying every perception and feeling without judgment (Rahmat, 2005). In S and F’s friendship, S tended to often listen to the problems  faced by F rather than she shared her problem to F. For example, when F said that she had a problem in her romantic relationship with someone, and he cheated on her. S as friend advised F to immediately end the relationship because according to her experience, a relationship like that was no longer worth  maintained. S did not blame or condemn F, which it could be seen from the way S responds to problem. F actually provided a solution. On the other hand, when F had a conflict with her mother and then told to S, S also did not judge whether F’s actions are right or wrong, but S was too neutral and did not support what which her friend did. S gave advice on how to position herself as a child. However, children must respect their parents, must have the courage to apologize if they made a mistake, and should start to lighten the mood again.

In the friendship of the pair II that is A and I, they listened to each other and responded well. When A told that she did not like her mother in law, and often quarreled with her mother in law, I listened to it casually, but she managed to calm down A and lower her best friend’s ego. Likewise, when I quarreled with her brother and then left her house,  A tried to calm her down and gave her advices. She also asked her to come home.

The description of attitudes tended to be influenced by different family conditions. This finding could be seen from the way S responded to F’s stories, which seemed more relaxed and did not show an explosive expression. Even though their parents were divorced, S’s family conditions was better. Moreover, S’s communication with her parents was much better than F. It was in line with Gunadi (in Ramadhani & Christian. 2019) stating that there are 3 main roles of fathers and mothers in developing children’s character. One of the ways to develop a child’s character is to teach good manners to be able to discipline children, so the children are able to behave well.

2. Problem Orientation (Desire to Talki about Solutions and to Resolve Problems)

According to Ngalimun (2018), problem orientation is an attitude or desire to work together in solving a problem. Irfan (2019) found out that with a problem-oriented attitude is able to create a process of awareness towards experience and openness to one’s own experience and ultimately is able to reflect on actions with a clear mind.

In the friendship of Pair 1 (F and S), when they experienced disagreement, they    resolved it by continuing to listen to each other’s opinions and then thinking about it before finally responding to their friend’s opinion.. This could be seen when F blamed her parents who were not responsible. As a result of the separation, she was not well looked after and  the divorce caused a lot of problems in F’s life. S responded to well and at the same time, offered another positive perspective based on her experiences to reduce her friend’s anger.

Based on S’s advices and responses, F’s negative views about her parents eventually changed . This proves that although they had different opinions about something, this could be overcome through good and non-offensive delivery of advices and . In another case, when F had a conflict with her mother, then left house and blocked her mother’s Whatsapp, S disagreed with the F’s attitudes. However, this  different opinion did not necessarily make a difference between them which they did not fight with each other and did not move away. Although S did not support what  F did  to resolve the conflict with her mother, S still tried to accompany F and share her suggestions on F’s attitudes. Though, F only heard and did not do her suggestions. F once ran away from her home because she had another conflict with his mother. When he arrived at her brother’s house, F was immediately approached  by S. S said that her mother is the woman who gave birth to her, so she must remain filial and be patient even though she was upset. The offered solution was not always done by her friends, but this did not make them fight to each other and destroy their friendships.

Additionally, in the friendship of pair II , A and I, they admitted that they rarely found differences of opinions in overcoming a problem. When friends offered the solutions, each of them did not immediately do it. As the example, when A’s mother wanted to remarry, but A was hesitate because she did not like the character of her mother’s future husband, who was considered less  friendly  and humble towards her mother’s children.

When A told this story to her friend, I provided a solution by suggesting that A ask her mother to discuss her mother’s choice to marry her future husband. Although I’s solution was quite good, but A just listened to it without applying her best friend’s advice. It was another case with D. When A told  I that she had a conflict with her stepmother, he did not feel comfortable at home and was  silent to her father. I provide a pretty good solution by advising A  to try to approach her stepmother first so that the home atmosphere is calm and warm again. Even though the solution offered by I was good and acceptable for resolving the conflict, A only listened to and did not do this suggestion because she was not close to her stepmother. A was fully aware that the offered solution could reduce the conflict she experienced. Likewise, several times, S blamed F for her actions when she wanted to solve a problem that was too negative and excessive.

3. Spontaneity (being honest and not hiding certain motives)

Spontaneity means being honest without hiding certain motives. In the friendship of pair I, namely F and S, they were honest and open with their best friend in almost all aspects, thoughts, attitudes, and expressing feelings. F told about the condition of her house and family. When S visited, she saw that F only lives with her mother and grandmother. To be honest, at first, she opened up about her family problem  because he was worried that no one would want to be her friends. Fortunately,  S’s response was very good and finally F had the courage to tell the story. Likewise, when F talked about her lack of economic conditions, her mother often did not give her money so she must earn money alone. She said that the aim of telling this to her friend is that her friend would not get the wrong idea when forcedly often refused S’s invitations to do stupid things. On the other hand, F strongly advises S not to upload photos or leave the house without wearing a hijab. Meanwhile, S criticized F’s habits of spending the night at her house and going straight to bed without cleaning herself. Although they opened up to each other and shared opinions about each other’s personalities freely,  S and F never once felt hurt because they realized that what their friend said was true and good for them.

In the friendship of the pair II, A and I, they told to each other about many things honestly without manipulation. She told about her family’s condition, including parents’ condition which they have been already separated. She told her anxiety when her father had just married, and then her mother remarried.. Besides the problems with her parents, they often commented and gave opinions to each other, such as what clothes their friends worn which they think that those were unsuitable and inappropriate. A provided inputs and suggestions so that her best friend looks gorgeous. This phenomenon showed that both of them had been able to apply a spontaneous attitude  in establishing a friendly relations. The importance of honesty and openness was also found in the research by Ningtias (2016) that because of lack of openness and dishonesty from customers to officers, there were obstacles in communication causing service to run ineffectively. According to Santoso (2006), one of the roles of peers is to exchange feelings and problems with each other. They would open up to each other and talk about feelings and problems they could not share to anyone other than their best friend.

4. Empathy

According to Decety and Meyer, empathy is same feelings experienced by oneself and another person, without any confusion between one another. As  stated by Ivey (1980), empathy is a means of seeing the world through other people’s eyes and listening to as other people hear, feel, and experience their world without getting lost in the others’ thoughts or feelings. Pair F and S conveyed their empathy through the actions, such as taking them for a walk, accompanying their friend when they were sad, being a good listener, giving advice and encouragement, calming their friends, hugging and comforting him. Meanwhile, I showed empathy by accompanying and embracing A when her best friend cried, encouraging and motivating, trying to cheer her up, being a good listener, and trying to calm her down.  The empathy of Pair I was fostered because of their closeness. It has been a long time since middle School. They already really knew each other and felt like they understood how to deal with their best friend when they were down. On the other hand, Pair II had  lived in the same room for almost 4 years, and they did all activities together, from opening their eyes until sleeping. They understood their conditions and feelings without telling directly. The importance of empathy in a friendship was also discovered by Hartono & Shanti (2018). The findings indicated that the empathy aspect forms the basis of other aspects, so there are deep connections and supportive communication; it fulfilled their friend’s need; it understood what they spoke and currently felt. Empathy influenced by perspective-taking is described by Davis (Angraini & Cucuani, 2014) saying that perspective-taking is a somebody’s desire to position him/herself into someone’s perspective spontaneously. Meanwhile, a person’s empathy and interpersonal skills will influence this quality of friendship.

5. Similarities (does not clarify differences)

Based on Gibbs, an attitude of equality is the way to treat others horizontally and democratically, not showing oneself as better or higher than others because of status, power, intellectual ability, wealth, or beauty (Rakhmat, 2005). Moreover, friendship can develop when there are many similarities; the intensity of the meetings is high, and the differences that are used to complement each other which will improve .friendship to family (Johansen, 2017).

 In the friendship of F and S, they treated their friends equally, by not showing the better economic and intellectual conditions although S admitted that she felt richer or had more insight than F. When chatting and exchanging information, they explained to their best friend without trying to emphasize each other’s strengths, by choosing words such as “In my experience..” or “in my opinion..”. Moreover, in pair A and I, even though A felt that I’s family’s educational status was better, she was never arrogant and emphasized it. Both pairs have taken an attitude of equality to each other. Although S felt that she had a higher economic status, she did not mind it, as does A, who felt that she had a family whose educational status was lower than I, but she never felt inferior to her friend. Kartono (2014) states that the feeling of inferiority is something that cannot be tolerated because it causes pain, and therefore, efforts are made by the person concerned to compensate for this feeling of inferiority. Pair I have a similar family background, so it makes them more understanding to each other and does not bring each other down, but strengthens each other. Meanwhile, in pair II,  even though there are many differences, they question them, instead they complete each other’s shortcomings and look for commonalities so their friendship can last forever. Rakhmat (2019) states that in every situation, inequality often occurs; there are never two people who are truly equal in everything. But to make the communication effective, there must be a tacit acknowledgment that both parties are equally valuable.

Baron and Byrne (2012) considers similarity in a friendship to be a factor in the formation of good quality friendships.. The reason why someone wants to know what is liked and disliked by someone tends to be based on somebody’s acceptance which is similar to friendship. The similarity in facing a problem and in seeing their views about resolving a problem is also said by Asher and Parker (1993) that the problem resolution becomes one of aspects of good  friendship quality and willingness to guide the business framework to help their best friend. Asher and Parker (1993) add that awareness of providing recognition and caring for each other is an important factor in the quality of good friendship. Additionally, Hartono and Shanti (2018) found that first-year students felt supported by their friends when they were listened to and accepted.

6. Provisionalism (willingness to change their views)

Provisionalism is defined as an individual who has an open-minded attitude, is willing to hear other people’s different views  and is willing to accept other people’s opinions if their opinions are wrong (Ashfahani, 2019). In the friendship of Pair F and S, they showed a temporary attitude by telling honest stories and receiving input from friends. It could be seen when S responded by saying that no one marries to separate. F’s parents still loved and cared about him even though they were busy at work . This objection was then well received by F, who was initially resentful of her parents’ behavior. Likewise, when S felt restricted by her parents because she was not allowed to come home later than 21.00, F responded by reminding him that it was for S’s good sake, so the neighbors would not talk about it because the woman came home late. This comment was then accepted and was able to reduce S’s anger, causing S to apologize to her parents. The  temporary attitude of pairs was influenced by the self-acceptance factor due to their parents’ divorce. According to Bernard (in Hadyani & Indriana, 2017), adolescent self-acceptance is a complete form of self-acceptance along with its strengths and weaknesses to achieve happiness.

In the friendship between A and I, the one, involved in a conflict with their parents, then chose not to greet their parents. I reminded her that the action was not good and there was no point. The comments from I were well-received and could reduce A’s ego and improve the relationship between A and her parents again. Likewise, when A was involved in conflict with  her stepmother, I always reminded her that even though he did not like her , she had to still respect her. Even though it started with a dispute due to the comments from I. However, a few moments later they accepted each other maturely. Pair II was seen as being able too apply the temporary attitudes well. In pair II although there were several disagreements in opinion, in the end, they would accept each other’s opinions by lowering their respective egos.

FUNCTIONS OF FRIENDSHIP

Lubis (2017) mentions that although the psychology of broken-home teenagers experiences changes after their parents divorced, not all broken-home teenagers end up being negative individual when they were able to control their attitude during the parents’ divorce, exploration phase, and then acceptance of their divorce. One way is to make friends as a place to share stories of their life, so they can calm down each other. There are a number of differences which they can overcome and then  grow simultaneously, accompanied by honesty. In addition, Stefanie, 2016 says that spontaneity is one of the factors in achieving satisfaction in friendship. Moreover, a person’s acceptance of their friend’s opinions is important because it shows respect between friends. The implementation of the friendship function towards 2 pairs of research informants based on Gottman and Parker’s ideas (Santrock, 2003) is explained as follows:

a. Togetherness

S needed friends who could accompany her to spend time and do the activities together. For two pairs, each  of whom have been already friends for more than a year. Pair S and F often traveled together, and F also often stayed at S’s house. Meanwhile, A and I have been friends since they were in college and lived in the same boarding house. They did all activities together, from sleeping, eating, traveling, hanging out and studying. Ghina (2017) states that stimulating friendship is the most significant function, seen in friendship. The meaning of togetherness is important in a friendship because it can give pleasure and excitement in doing activities simultaneously. The function of friendship itself will have an impact on mental health, achievement, and life satisfaction.

b. Stimulation Competence.

Information and excitement will make someone develop their potential because they have opportunities in social situations. Demir and Ozdemir in (Lestari, 2017) say that friendship can generate self-confidence because it is valued and competent in doing something. For two pairs, each of whom has sufficiently stimulated each other’s competence and they will support each other when their friends fall. When F had the difficulty looking for a job, S tried to motivate her  to not give up and be patient until F finally got a good job. Even, when F felt embarrassed and afraid to admit her family’s condition, S was there to be a good friend giving a good response without demeaning F because of her family status. Meanwhile, in pair A and I, competence stimulation was visible and vague because they tended to strengthen and comfort each other when their friends were feeling sad. Each of them just wanted to see their friends happyand to give the solutions they provided to each other in order to resolve the conflicts. Rozali et al., ( 2021) say that friendship can rise encouragement, maintain an image of an individual as a person who has abilities and is valuable, and create feelings of security and trust given by the friends in pleasant or threatening situations.

c. Physical Support

This means that the presence of friends will give rise to feelings of value in them when facing a problem.. Physical support in Pair F and S was seen when they had the same problem. Although their friendship was rarely responded to with romantic gestures such as hugging, they responded to their friends responsively. In fact, S always offered food to F when he was traveling, ate together at his house, and even lent her money several times. Meanwhile, pair A And I, stay at the same  boarding house, physical support in the form of cheering each other up when one of them was sad by taking their friend to go out, giving them something to make their friend happy, and even hugging her when their friend was sad. The function of friendship includes doing fun activities together, helping each other, and being sensitive to each other’s conditions.

d. Ego Support

Friends will provide attention, ego support and empathy so that their friends can solve all  the problems well. In the friendship between F and S, S asked her friend whether she had eaten or not, visited her when she was sick, came to her best friend when she run away from home, and provides motivation and encouragement when F has difficulty in getting a job. Likewise, F reminded and motivated S when she gave up on her college assignments. In the Pair A and I, ego support was carried out by I through giving advice so that A would give in and try to be close to her and parents, so  the relationship between them was going better and warm. According to Robert A. Baron and Donn Byrne (2005), a friendship involves a relationship in which two people interact in various situations, do not follow other people in the relationship, and provide each other with emotional support.

e. Social Comparison

Friendship can provide information about their position whether they are doing well compared to other people and not vilify or accentuate each other’s weaknesses. In F and S’s friendship, they gave each other confidence. When S knew about F’s family and financial condition, S never questioned or even talked about it. She was able to make F feel confident and become accepted in society. Pair A and I supported each other when there were problems. This was proven when A felt that her family’s educational status was lower, but I could increase A’s self-confidence. The ethics of two people build friendship are that they spend time together, interact in varied and confidential situations, provide emotional support to each other, and do not include outsiders in the relationship (Puspitasari, 2018).

f. Familiarity and Attention

In the friendship of couple F and S, they have known each other since junior high school and became closer when they  were in senior high school. Their closeness and affection can be seen in  various things, such as staying overnight together and chatting until late at night, and going out and eating together, so they felt dependent on each other. When they returned home in the village, they met each other and exchanged stories. One of them visited when her friend was sick and also advised her to still respect her parents. In the friendship of Pair A and I, I became a good listener for her best friend without giving suggestions.  I realized that her best friend just needed to be accompanied and listened to if something happened. This finding was confirmed by Ningrum (2013) who says that children will need greater support, sensitivity and affection to help them cope with the loss experienced during a difficult time after their parents divorced. According to Aminah, Andayani and Karyanta (2014), actions occur because the teenagers are broken related the acceptance of their divorced parents which cause them do actions that might harm themselves. According to Johansen (2009), a good friend will always be there when needed; therefore, opening ourself to friends will be able to reduce the burden of life. By telling painful things, people will be able to reduce the negative emotion caused by events. Nur ‘Aisyah (as cited in Ismiati. 2018) says that that this behavior will appear in children –whose family is broken which fall into the category of trauma due to the parents divorce. .

Table 1: Forms of Supportive Communication and Functions of Friendship between the broken-home children and their friends

CONCLUSION

Pair I, (S And F),  has equally broken-home family backgrounds and they have been friends for a very long time , so they have lived together peacefully as the best friendship. These similarities make them easier to open up each other and become more honest in expressing opinions without worrying about offending or degrading each other because of understanding the individual feelings and conditions.

When giving solutions, both S and F easily accept and implement the solutions because they are based on their respective experience. The shortcomings of this pair I that each other has a high ego and a tough nature which often causes debate when discussing a solution to solve the problem.. However, because they feel that each other needs and consider her best friend is the person who can understand her condition and feelings, and they always will   try to listen to each other and to understand each other’s perceptions, and then the debates can finally be resolved and not escalate split.

Meanwhile, In pair II (A and I), even though they do not have the same family background like Pair I, they can open up to each other by meeting frequently very often because I have lived in the same boarding house as A since enrolling the college. They initially feel inferior and self-conscious at the start of studying.  Because I’s response  is positive, it can improve A’s confidence and makes her easy to open up. On the other hand, caution is needed in responding and giving suggestion so that it does not hurt the best friend’s feeling. There are some times when in solving a problem, it is not uncommon for A to just listen to the opinions of her best friend without  implementing her best friend’s suggestions to overcome the conflict.

In implementing the supportive communication, it has been proven that –the friends of teenagers in the broken-home family must understand that the adolescents only need to be listened to when facing a problem. Broken-home teenagers just need a place to shed feelings and improve self-confidence. Their friends should respond and suggest solutions without being patronizing, such as  giving solution based on experience or offering another perspective on the problem.

Although it is common for them to just listen to suggestion from their best friends without any attention of doing it. The emergence of honesty begin when existing friends are able to understand conditions, and accept them well. The openness of teenagers in the Broken Home family means that they want to express their feelings to someone whom they think that she/he can ease their sadness and trauma after separation.

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