Interpersonal Conflict Resolution Styles in Teenage Couples Out of Marriage : Case Study in Purwodadi, Indonesia

Interpersonal Conflict Resolution Styles in Teenage Couples Out of Marriage: Case Study in Purwodadi, Indonesia

Suciati, Irfandi Mulya Suprapto

Universitas Muhammadiyah Yogyakarta

DOI: https://dx.doi.org/10.47772/IJRISS.2024.803139

Received: 14 February 2024; Revised: 12 March 2024; Accepted: 16 March 2024; Published: 16 April 2024

ABSTRACT

Conflict cannot be avoided in a relationship. In the context of any relationship, there are bound to be differences in views or opinions between partners. This research examines how interpersonal conflict resolution styles of teenage couples pregnant out of marriage: a case study in Purwodadi, Indonesia in realizing family harmonization. The method used in this research is descriptive qualitative. Data collection techniques were carried out through interviews with informants, namely the first pair MF and SV and the second pair FP and RL. The data analysis technique in this research uses the Miles and Huberman model of interactive analysis, starting with data collection, data reduction, data presentation, and conclusion. Based on the research results, it was found that there are different conflict resolution styles between the two partners related to the source and form of conflict. The case of the first informant couple shows that they have a major source of conflict, namely infidelity by the man. The form of conflict is ego conflict accompanied by verbal and non-verbal violence towards the partner. This happens because of the different personalities of each party and their lack of readiness to live a married life. In resolving conflicts, the first partner uses an avoidance style. The second pair of informants indicated that they had major sources of conflict, namely economic conditions, lack of trust, and lack of attention to their partner. This is because their age is not yet mature enough, so the form of conflict that occurs is also in the form of ego conflict. In resolving the conflict that occurs, the second partner uses a compromise style, namely discussing household problems with their partner. The form of conflict resolution chosen by both partners cannot be separated from the personality of each partner, namely MF with a nerveuzen personality and FP with a choleric personality. On the other hand, immature age and the presence of a large family also determine the style of resolving conflicts. In the end, the informant’s couple with an avoidance style divorced.

Keywords: Conflict Resolution Style, Pregnant Teenage Couples Out of Marriage, Avoidance Style, Compromise Style, Interpersonal Conflict.

INTRODUCTION

Adolescence is a transition period from childhood to adulthood. In general, adolescence is considered to begin when the child becomes sexually mature and ends when the child reaches the legal age of maturity. So, during adolescence, this is a place to process and determine where your life path will take you in the future. If someone passes through their teenage years with failure, they may encounter failure in the future. Likewise, if adolescence is filled with positive activities, there can be a better life in the future. This transition period causes them to experience emotional, and physical changes, interests, behavior patterns, and thought patterns, and also a period full of problems. This period lasts from the age of 12 years and ends at the age of early twenty years (Yahya, 2011). Most of them do not yet have mature emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence refers to a person’s ideas or thoughts in observing, understanding himself, and interacting with other people (Schwartz, 1998). Meanwhile, Yusuf (2011) emphasized the characteristics of adolescent development in 7 things, including very rapid physical growth, cognitive (intellectual) development, emotional development, or feelings such as feelings of love, longing, and the desire to get to know each other more intimately with the opposite sex, social development, moral development, and the development of religious awareness.

In moral matters, freedom of association among teenagers has reached an alarming level. Not a few of them are part of the LGBT cluster or are involved in free association while dating. Boyfriends, for them, are a form of pride. The definition of dating in this millennial era is very different from the meaning of dating in the past. As a result, nowadays many teenagers drop out of school because they are pregnant. Santrock stated that it is puberty that influences some teenagers more strongly and influences some teenage behavior. Body image, interest in dating, and sexual behavior are influenced by changes during puberty. Andayani & Setiawan (2005) say that premarital sexual behavior is all behavior that is driven by sexual desire starting from stages that are not risky to stages that are risky such as intercourse and done before marriage.

On the other hand, Sarwono (1994) believes that dating includes various light sexual behaviors such as touching, holding hands kissing, and sexual touches which are the desire to enjoy and satisfy sexual urges. This urge can exceed the norm until free sex occurs outside of marriage. In other words, someone fails to control it or diverts the urge to other activities. Anastasia Handayani stated that pregnancy out of marriage poses very complicated and complex problems for our society, especially for those who are directly involved in it. This event is related to a series of developmental processes in a person’s life, especially in the process of transitioning the role from teenager to mother of the child being born. Morally, pregnancy out of wedlock is seen as an act that is less praiseworthy and reprehensible, because it is considered not by the values and norms that exist in Indonesia (Wati, 2015). If this is the case then a man who impregnates his girlfriend will try as hard as possible to be responsible. With great compulsion, an early household was formed, even though the husband did not yet have a job and was economically prepared. This compulsion will demand the husband’s responsibility to fulfill his obligations towards his wife and children (Dlori, 2005).

In Islam, promiscuous behavior is the beginning of adultery. However, the definition of adultery in the Western world is defined as sexual intercourse in which one or both perpetrators are married to another person. So if sexual intercourse is carried out by people who are not married to each other then it cannot be punished as an act of zina. Meanwhile, according to Islam, adultery is sexual relations between a man and a woman who are not tied to each other in a marriage relationship, so whoever they are, if they have sexual intercourse with someone who is not their husband or wife, they will be punished with zina (Huda, 2015).

Adultery in Islam is not only a major sin but also an action that can open the gates to other shameful acts, even spreading various diseases, both physical and spiritual. As Masyfuk Zuhdi (1991) quotes the book Hikmah al-Tasyri’ wa Falsafatuhu written by Imam Ali Ahmad al-Jurjawi, there are at least four negative impacts that arise as a result of the act of adultery:

1. Adultery can tarnish the honor and purity of one’s lineage.
2. Adultery can transmit various diseases that can threaten the health of the perpetrator and the safety of the child who will be born.
3. Adultery can destroy the foundations of family life and can result in divorce. This happens because the husband or wife of the adulterer is involved in a major conflict in the family.
4. Adultery can eliminate the rights of innocent children as a result of the actions of irresponsible people.

Pregnancy out of marriage in teenagers is one of the causes of early marriage in addition to other causes, as stated by Yanti (2018) the dominant factors of early marriage are pregnancy out of wedlock, environmental factors, parental factors, educational factors, economic factors, individual factors, social media. As for the negative impacts is that psychological maturity has not been reached, from a social perspective, marriage reduces the freedom to develop oneself, and reduces the opportunity to continue education to a higher level, from a health perspective, early marriage increases the risk of pregnancy, high divorce rates, and a low standard of living as a result. from the inability of teenagers to meet economic needs, while the positive impact that arises is avoiding adultery, and reducing the burden on parents. Pregnancy out of marriage proves that a teenager cannot make good decisions in his relationships. Another negative impact of teenagers who become pregnant out of marriage is dropping out of school. Generally, these teenagers do not receive social acceptance from their educational institutions, so they have to be expelled from school. Apart from that, society will ridicule, isolate, or expel teenagers who become pregnant out of marriage. The psychological and social risks include, among others, exclusion, stigma, social discrimination, trauma, loss of various rights, depression, and so on (Hidayana, 2005)

A marriage carried out by a couple of teenagers who are still at school certainly does not have physical, material, or mental readiness. This unpreparedness certainly creates conflict which can have an impact on the continuity of the married household. If you are not careful, the conflict will backfire and threaten the integrity of the household. According to Noorkasiani (in Anwar and Ernawati, 2017) early marriages that occur in cities are mostly triggered by marriage by accident as a result of urban promiscuity. On the other hand, marriage caused by personal (internal) encouragement is an important factor that must be addressed. Many individuals are ready to marry at an early age because they think they are ready in all respects, both physically and mentally. The large number of early marriages results in individuals not being ready to take on responsibilities. This unpreparedness will give rise to many problems in married life.

Psychological maturity that has not been achieved in teenagers who become pregnant out of marriage makes them vulnerable to conflict when they get married. They will choose destructive conflict resolution styles rather than constructive ones. This destructive style produces negative resolutions for change and renewal of relationships between individuals. This means that in resolving the conflicts they face, they are not yet mature in terms of cognition compared to individuals who are in early adulthood. This can be seen from the way they handle conflicts that come to the household they are in. The state of cognition in adolescence when viewed from the structure of the adolescent’s brain is not fully developed, especially in the prefrontal cortex which plays a role in reasoning, decision-making, and self-control (Santrock, 2010). On the other hand, the amygdala which regulates emotional expression develops rapidly. Based on this, teenagers have a greater tendency to solve problems using emotions rather than reasoning about the problem.

Kharisma (2013) in his research on the ability to manage marital conflict in teenagers who experience pregnancy states that young women or those who decide to get married have moderate conflict management abilities, this is due to the transition period from adolescence to early adulthood which makes it difficult for them to understand the conflict in marriage as a whole. This is what is very likely to lead to the divorce of young married couples. Some couples have difficulties in their respective economic and family relationships. The economic disadvantage of young couples is that they are not ready to live a married life and on average they are still under 21 years old. This is in line with research by Rosita (2023) that the factors that cause marriage at a young age which can trigger divorce include economic problems, lack of understanding of religion, cheating, and education.

Even though conflicts in domestic life will always occur and cannot be avoided, married couples must understand the potential conflicts that arise between their partners and how to deal with them. According to Fisher (2001), conflict is a relationship between two or more parties (individuals or groups) who have, or feel they have incompatible goals. Conflict in life cannot be avoided and is often creative, conflict arises because of an imbalance between social relationships.

Conflicts that often arise in the marriages of young couples are arguments caused by everything from trivial things to big problems. The biggest sources of conflict in young people’s household lives include the male partner not having a job that is stable enough to support his family and sometimes the partner’s in-laws often interfere in their home life. However, conflict, no matter how serious, can be overcome with self-introspection, the ability to establish good communication, awareness of mutual respect, and support from partners are factors that encourage participants’ ability to carry out conflict management (Hanun, 2022).

Another cause of the increase in out of marriage pregnancies among teenagers is related to exposure to gadgets as media for millennial children. When using gadgets, children can be exposed to gadgets and react quickly to various information that they do not yet understand, thereby causing unwanted pregnancies. Another factor is the uneven distribution of programs related to a comprehensive understanding of sexual rights and reproductive health. Lastly, there is a misuse of incomplete information about sexuality (Jayani, 2021).

Naning Puji Julianingsih, Unicef Java Region Child Protection Specialist, emphasized that although the trend has decreased, the rate of early marriage is still relatively high, above the national average, namely around 9.75 percent. In Central Java, several areas such as Purwodadi, Pemalang Cilacap, and Wonosobo still need attention. Usually, most of the children who marry are girls between the ages of 15 and 18 years. This early marriage is caused by several factors such as environmental factors, parents, and the child’s condition, namely due to promiscuity. Therefore, the government and child care must immediately prevent early marriage. The impact of early marriage is very fatal, namely that they are unable to afford health economically, especially if the girl is pregnant when she should not be, and has other impacts. This event has educational, health, and even life-threatening impacts. The community in the environment where the child lives must be educated so that the environment also supports the family to be responsible for the child’s needs. According to Hening, several preventive measures must be taken, such as providing adequate formal education, promoting sex education, encouraging gender equality, and socializing the dangers or impacts of early marriage to the wider community (Kompas TV, February 2023). Based on the background above, the problem formulation in this research is: what is the interpersonal conflict resolution style of teenage couples pregnant out of marriage: a case study in Purwodadi, Indonesia? This research aims to describe in detail the sources of conflict, forms of conflict, and resolution of interpersonal conflict in pregnant couples outside of marriage. Apart from that, this research analyzes the factors that influence their conflict resolution style.

LITERATURE REVIEW

Interpersonal Communication

Interpersonal communication is defined as face-to-face interaction between two or more people, where each participant can verbally and non-verbally capture a reaction to the message conveyed by the medium (Sarmiati, 2019). In the context of communication, this involves communication that occurs face-to-face by two or more people, either in an organized or unorganized manner (Wiryanto, 2004). Mulyana (2016), emphasized that the characteristic inherent in interpersonal communication is that the parties communicating are nearby. The communicating parties send and receive messages simultaneously and spontaneously, both verbally and nonverbally. The simplest communication that occurs first is interpersonal communication, this communication can occur between parents and their children, teachers, and students, between friends, and so on. According to Sari (2017), interpersonal communication can occur through process stages:

1. Contact, is the activity of providing a first assessment, the impression of which can be seen through body language and good language.
2. The introduction is an impression that can encourage other people to open up to introduce themselves to each other.
3. Friendship is interactions that occur within a certain time so that the perpetrator can get to know them more intimately.
4. Conflict usually occurs because the actors maintain each other’s egos or misunderstandings.
5. Disunity is a process that occurs when conflict escalates and cannot be resolved properly.

According to Kumar (in Wiryanto, 2004), the effectiveness of interpersonal communication has five characteristics, namely:

1. Openness is the perpetrator’s willingness to respond openly without any coercion regarding the information received.
2. Empathy includes efforts to understand the feelings experienced by other people from their perspective.
3. supportiveness in the form of a climate that supports effective communication.
4. Positiveness includes positive feelings and thoughts towards oneself and encourages other people to participate more actively, as well as creating a conducive communication situation.
5. Equality is a tacit acknowledgment that both parties have things that are valuable, and useful, and have something important to contribute.

Interpersonal Conflict

Conflict is often perceived negatively when the conflict involves unfair means and focuses more on winning the other party. When this happens, the perpetrator’s negative feelings will increase. Conflict will drain energy that should be spent on other activities, especially when negative conflict strategies are used. Sometimes conflict can also make us withdraw from other people. The behavior of hiding feelings from a partner results in hindering communication and interaction (DeVito, 2004).

Conflict usually occurs in a dispute situation, when the actions of one party are obstructed or disturbed (Suciati, 2015). Verderber and Fink (2007), state that interpersonal conflict is the occurrence of disagreement between two individuals who have different perceptions of goals. Interpersonal conflict is divided into 6 (six) categories, namely: pseudoconflict, act conflict, value conflict, policy conflict, ego conflict, and meta conflict.

1. False conflict, rooted in a misunderstanding when someone interprets another person’s words, actions, or behavior in a way that does not match the communicator’s intentions. Apparent conflict is part of interpersonal conflict that occurs when opinions differ regarding a particular issue.
2. Conflict of facts, occurs when two or more people disagree about the facts of an event, situation, or idea.
3. Value conflict, can be a form of value dispute on topics that are generally controversial such as religion, abortion alternative medicine, or other things that are multi-perspective.
4. Ego conflict, occurs when an argument turns into a problem of self-esteem. Parties to a conflict may quickly turn into hurtful people when an argument strays from the topic at hand and turns personal.
5. Policy conflict, arises in individuals affected by certain events or situations. For example, a policy is used to guide a task, make an important decision, or solve a problem from a task.
6. Meta conflict, occurs when someone has to consider reviewing their conditions at work in terms of communicating and resolving conflicts.

Interpersonal Conflict Management

Interpersonal conflict management is a frequently used process that includes all positive and negative conflict management in discussing and resolving conflicts between parties. Conflict management is a form of communication that replaces inconsistent arguments with productive agreements. Conflict management will be able to reduce reactions to destructive conflict and lead to constructive conflict. Constructive conflict resolution will end in good, and destructive will lead to evil.

Four things result from constructive conflict (Febriani, 2010) :

1. The interactions between parties in conflict are getting closer, in the sense that it is easier to communicate and work together.
2. Parties in conflict trust each other more.
3. Both parties were equally satisfied with the results that emerged after the conflict.
4. They are increasingly able to deal constructively with new conflicts that arise between them.

Interpersonal conflict management varies greatly, ranging from positive to negative for both parties in conflict. Thomas (in Suciati, 2015) mentions five types of conflict managers, namely:

• Competitive Style

The perpetrator is usually aggressive and difficult to work with. Each uses their power to directly engage in confrontation and seek to defeat the conflict’s opponents and does not want to align their goals and desires with those of the other.

• Avoidance

This style is unassertive and passive. They usually distract themselves, withdraw, or avoid conflict. The advantage of this style is that it gives everyone time to think.

• Accommodating Style

Conflict actors are not selfish but cooperative. The perpetrator tries to put aside personal desires and tries to fulfill the desires and needs of other people.

• Compromise Style

Compared to the avoidance style, this style is more open but the problems that arise are not as many as the cooperative style. The difference between compromise and cooperation is, that compromise takes less time, but the resulting solution is not the best for either party.

• Collaboration Style

The perpetrator has trust in other people. It is possible that people get bored with this style because the energy required to resolve conflicts is very large. This style is usually practiced by powerful people who sometimes use their power to manipulate people.

De Vito (2004) suggests several strategies for responding to interpersonal conflict, namely:

• Win-Lose and Win-Win Strategies

is a win-win strategy is better than a win-lose strategy. The reason for choosing this strategy is satisfaction for all actors and does not cause anger as if the opponent is a loser or vice versa.

• Avoidance

This form of avoidance occurs physically, such as avoiding conflict by leaving the conflict area, but people can also refuse to discuss the conflict to hear other people’s arguments.

• Force and Talk Strategies

Physical violence during conflict can improve relationships. The violence in question also includes verbal violence, where people are completely open to saying what they want to say, no matter how severe it is.

• Face Detracting and Face Enhancing Strategies

This strategy is used by denigrating others as incompetent and not trustworthy or talented. These conflicts tend to demean and damage the couple’s reputation.

• Verbal Aggressiveness and Argumentativeness Strategies

In argumentative verbally, the partner will try to win their opinion by hurting their partner. Argumentativeness is a strategy when we express our opinions according to our point of view to discuss conflicts that arise.

ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP

Applying a conflict resolution style involves efforts to maintain relationships. Constructive resolution of interpersonal conflicts aims to maintain harmonious relationships, for example anticipating the divorce of an early marriage. As for harmonious family relationships, it is studied in concepts of romantic relationships. According to Bhrem (in Karney, 2007), a romantic relationship or intimate relationship is how a person experiences reciprocal, emotional, and erotic changes in the relationship that occurs with their partner. Furman et al (1999) explain that there are three definitions of romantic relationships based on relationship characteristics, namely:

1. Romance involves a relationship, an ongoing pattern of association and interaction between two individuals who acknowledge a relationship with another.
2. In a romantic relationship, there is an element of volunteerism by both partners to keep the relationship going. Some romantic relationships can be incompatible with their partners, successful romantic relationships require sacrifice from each partner.
3. These are several forms of interest. This attraction particularly involves a sexual component. Sexual attraction is often expressed in some form of sexual behavior, but not always that way. This behavior is also influenced by oneself and cultural values.

Based on the meaning from above it can be concluded that a romantic relationship is a relationship that involves an emotional relationship in which there are elements of voluntary action and sacrifice by both partners to maintain the relationship.

PREVIOUS RESEARCH

Several studies related to interpersonal conflict resolution styles were conducted by academics. Suciati and Sofyan (2017), in their research entitled “Resolving Interpersonal Conflicts of Early Married Couples: Case Study in Bantul Regency, Yogyakarta” concluded that the unpreparedness of couples marrying at an early age can lead to conflicts such as economic matters, jealousy between partners and the level of egoism between partners. still high. This unpreparedness mostly results in conflicts that lead to divorce for couples married at an early age. Furthermore, based on research by Aisyah Anjani (2018) entitled “Interpersonal Communication in Dating Relationships Which Gives Cause to Psychological Violence Conflicts” shows that the informant couples show mutual comfort. with closeness and intimacy in their reactions, but there is a feeling of not being worthy of love, causing excessive dependence on closeness and intimacy which can give rise to feelings of discomfort. Conflicts often occur based on jealousy and lack of quality communication. If the efforts to manage conflict that have been made are not effective then the problem cannot be resolved properly and will continue to occur. Meanwhile, Dessy Kurniawati (2013) stated that the conflicts that arise in married couples are caused by economic factors, children, the presence of the other side, sex, in-laws, beliefs, limited communication, and differences. Some of the sources of conflict above, one of the sources of conflict that is usually seen in married men and women, are based on differences, as it is known that uniting two hearts means uniting two different personalities and tastes.

RESEARCH METHODS

This research uses qualitative research with a descriptive approach. Qualitative research is research that tries to understand the phenomena experienced by research subjects, for example, behavior to describe the form of words and language, in a certain context naturally and through the use of various natural methods (Moleong, 2018). The descriptive research aims to describe and analyze communication patterns in conflict interactions between pregnant couples outside of marriage among teenagers in creating harmony.

Primary data is the first data recorded and collected by researchers and obtained directly from the source (Sanusi, 2019). Primary data will be obtained directly from informant interviews. Secondary data was obtained from various sources of reading material, including books, journals, scientific articles, previous research, and other information media related to research studies, namely communication patterns in conflict interactions between pregnant couples outside of marriage among teenagers in creating harmony. Data collection techniques were carried out using in-depth interviews. Understanding In-depth interviews is a process of obtaining facts by revealing the psychological condition of informants through relatively long involvement in social life (Sutopo, 2002).

The technique for taking informants was carried out using the purposive sampling method, namely data collection techniques based on characteristics that are by the objectives of the research to be carried out (Herdiansyah, 2011). This sampling technique is based on the researcher’s or evaluator’s consideration of which sample is most useful and representative (Babbie in Retnawati, 2017). In this study, researchers deliberately selected informants based on certain criteria:

1. Teenage couples who get pregnant out of marriage
2. Not currently in a long-distance relationship
3. Have experienced or are currently experiencing conflict in their relationship

Technical data analysis is the process of searching for and compiling data obtained from interviews, observations, and documentation. Based on these results, we then choose which ones are important and which will be studied and then draw conclusions (Sugiyono, 2016). The data analysis stages are as follows:

1. Data reduction is carried out by summarizing the data obtained from interviews and observations.
2. Data presentation, namely the stage of understanding what is happening and what needs to be done, then providing the data resulting from the reduction into the form of narrative text, matrices, charts, or graphs.
3. Conclusion, namely the researcher’s activities to conclude and verify the findings by the theory used in the research. The resulting conclusions are expected to be new findings that have not previously existed (Mardawani, 2020).

The data validity test was carried out using the triangulation method. Triangulation is a method of checking the validity of data by checking or comparing the data obtained with sources or other criteria outside the data, to increase the validity of the data (Moleong, 2018). The type of triangulation used is source triangulation, namely by checking the data that has been obtained. from several sources, such as informants, books, journals, articles, research results, and other individuals. This means that the researcher intends to test data obtained from one source to compare it with data from other testing sources (Pawito, 2007).

INFORMANT PROFILE

• MF and SV pair

MF is a teenage boy born in 1999, he is the third of four children. Since he was little, MF has lived with his mother and younger siblings because since MF entered elementary school, his father left him who work abroad, while his older siblings already had families. MF grew up in a well-off family and was quite a stubborn and naughty child. He was expelled from high school three times because he often committed violations such as smoking in the school area and skipping class. Finally, MF was expelled from his last school because he committed immoral acts that violated religious norms, namely committing adultery.

SV, teenage girl M F’s close friend who was born in 2000. He is a child who is very loved by his parents, SV has a very patient nature. SV grew up in a well-off family environment where his father was an entrepreneur who owned a business in Jakarta and his mother worked as a housewife. His father rarely went home to see his family, so since he was little, SV also had an independent nature, helping his mother take care of the household work and looking after his younger siblings.

Even though MF is already in a relationship with SV, MF continues to approach several other women. The reason was that it was difficult for SV to be persuaded to commit acts that were close to adultery until in the end his relationship with another woman was discovered by SV. In 2017, MF was responsible for SV’s pregnancy in an unregistered marriage. After being married for about two months, MF decided to work as a crew member on a fishing boat. He works without going home leaving his wife and children for 9 months. However, in the end, their marriage failed and ended in divorce.

• FP and RL pair

FP is a teenage boy, the last of three brothers born in 1999. Being born as the youngest child made FP grow into an independent man. Both parents educated FP so that he could live a simple life and be concerned about various conditions. Apart from that, FP is also open to other people. His introduction to RL began in 2016 when FP was in the second grade of high school, since then FP felt interested in RL and decided to start approaching RL by looking for information about RL from his classmates and starting to communicate via messages on Instagram. In 2017, FP dared to confess his feelings to RL, since then FP and RL began to have a relationship that lasted for 4 years until RL became pregnant and the relationship continued to the level of marriage.

RL, is a young woman, an only child who was born in 1999. Even though she has the status of an only child, her parents never restrained RL’s life in various ways. RL grew up in a well-off family, his parents worked at a coal company in Kalimantan. RL is a woman who is stubborn and easily overthinks. In 2017, FP confessed his feelings for her, and RL immediately accepted it and they entered into a dating relationship that lasted until RL started attending college. In 2020, RL decided to take a year off because RL was pregnant out of wedlock. After giving birth, RL began to continue her education until 2022, having completed her education.

DISCUSSION

The results of this research were obtained through an in-depth interview process with two couples who were pregnant out of wedlock. During the in-depth interview process, the researcher experienced several obstacles, such as the informant’s lack of openness, the informant’s answers or explanations being less specific, and the informant’s answers being less consistent from start to finish.

Sources of Conflict

A description of the sources of conflict in both partners can be seen in the following table:

Table 1: Sources of interpersonal conflict

Based on the results of interviews with two couples who were pregnant out of wedlock, researchers found that there were sources of conflict in their relationship, including a lack of fulfilling their needs in the relationship and poor communication due to both verbal and non-verbal violence. The results of the interviews with the MF and SV couples stated that the source of the conflict that occurred in their relationship came from a lack of fulfilling needs in the relationship, namely loyalty. If someone’s needs are hampered or even neglected, then this can trigger conflict in a relationship (Wirawan Sarwono, 2010). In a relationship, commitment is required, as is the case for this couple who is already committed to getting married. However, MF broke this commitment by having an extramarital affair. Hertlein, Wetchler, and Piercy (in Seno, 2018) state that infidelity is defined as a breach of contract between two people in a dating, marriage, or engagement relationship with a third party involved emotionally or sexually. Interestingly, MF and SV have different understandings of infidelity. SV considers that MF’s sexual relations with other women are a form of infidelity. Meanwhile, according to MF, infidelity is when someone simply has feelings of liking for another woman. This finding is supported by the opinion of Hertlein, Wetchler, & Piercy (in Seno, 2018) which reveals that parties involved in an affair often have different ideas regarding infidelity.

Every couple has their way of resolving conflicts that occur in their relationship. As in the relationship between FP and RL, when facing conflict that originates from economic conditions, communication is poor in the relationship. Aprianti (2016) states that the majority of sources of conflict faced by early marriage couples are economic problems. This economic problem can give rise to quarrels or conflicts between husband and wife. This financial/economic problem arises in households, especially those who already have children, considering their care and education children require more costs. On the other hand, due to the lack of mental preparation parents, this encourages a feeling of being less able to take responsibility. They lack the knowledge they have regarding the economic responsibilities of a husband and father. An argument ensued until the most serious problem was divorce (Fitriani, 2016). Thus, psychologically, early marriage is not good because it will affect the mindset and behavior of teenage couples. Their emotional condition which is considered to be still unstable will have an impact on arguments and lead to divorce in the household (Oktaviani, 2020).

Forms of interpersonal conflict

The following table illustrates the forms of conflict between 2 pairs of informants

Table 2: Forms of interpersonal communication conflict between informants

Various forms of conflict in couples who get pregnant outside of marriage can be seen in verbal and non-verbal forms. The form of verbal conflict in these two informants included the words that came out of the perpetrator’s mouth which came from his thoughts and feelings. There are non-verbal forms of conflict that can be seen through cues in the form of facial expressions, body language, attitudes and behavior, and even eye contact.

SV admitted that MF is used to dating other women who are not his wife. Now and then SV asked about the issue of the affair, MF often got angry, spoke harshly, and even slapped him. Meanwhile, SV could only cry when he received physical violence. Meanwhile, MF admitted that he was annoyed when he was asked a lot of questions and complained about them to his parents or older siblings. MF also hates seeing SV always  I cried all night when he scolded me. MF admitted that SV’s accusations did not have the slightest evidence. According to MF, he is often accused of having an affair when he doesn’t come home all night, even though he is he just spent the night at his friend’s place and came home in the morning. This is what often makes it difficult for MF to control their emotions He slapped his wife because he was annoyed to hear her crying and felt he was pitted against his parents and siblings.

According to MF, this is what makes him often avoid these questions and leave the house to calm his mind. He was worried that every time this question arose, his emotions would get out of control and he would commit violence against SV. MF admitted that SV’s reaction when conflict occurs does not look at place and time. One time when they were at the cafe to discuss household matters, a fight broke out and finally he cried. MF considers SV to be an emotional person, who can’t control his anger and It’s easy to speak explosively too.

Meanwhile, in FP and RL couples, the form of conflict is limited to verbal violence in the form of harsh and hurtful speech. RL’s scolding when FP was lazy at work, lazing around at home, was met with scolding back and harsh words. FP realizes that he has to support his family, and it doesn’t feel good if he continues to depend on his parents, but he can’t afford it. FP felt that his ears couldn’t hear his wife’s nagging, and he vented by taking out his cell phone to play games and covering his ears with a headset. He felt it was better not to care about his wife’s nagging, rather than having his anger escalate. He prefers to divert his activities by playing games to calm his mind. In general, domestic violence is also triggered by economic factors, poverty, and life stress. The ever-increasing economic demands of life accompanied by feelings of disappointment and anger towards their partners because they cannot meet their needs and their helplessness in dealing with economic problems makes parents pour out their emotions on those around them (Soetjiningsih, 2002). This was proven when FP turned his feelings of helplessness into anger at his wife.

Conflict Resolution Styles

The following table reveals each couple’s conflict resolution style.

Table 3: Informants’ Interpersonal Conflict Resolution Styles

Based on the results of the interview with couple 1, the researcher discovered an avoidance resolution style, which has the main characteristics of being unassertive and passive. Usually, they will divert attention from the conflict and instead avoid the conflict by leaving the house. The advantage of this style is that it gives both parties time to think. Meanwhile, the weakness of this style is that the parties involved do not care about the problem and see conflict as something bad that must be avoided at all costs (Suciati, 2015). On the other hand, the avoidance type is related to cognitions or thoughts that can damage satisfaction, such as low trust and support for a partner. Mikulincer and Shaver (2007) stated that individuals with avoidance attachment have ineffective problem-solving strategies, so they are more vulnerable to separation when in a romantic relationship. This is evident that in couple 1, the household did not last long, and finally divorced. This avoidant resolution style is also inseparable from their marriage age, as Puspitasari (in William, 2006) states that many divorce cases are the result of the young age of divorcing couples when deciding to marry. The psychological impact is that a teenager is busy organizing a world which for him is very new and teenage girls feel they are not ready to accept this change, and experience dissatisfaction in their married life and even marriage at a young age often ends in divorce.

Lack of attention to partner is also something that is seen in MF and SV. SV often feels ignored by MF. For example, when SV feels sad and tired of taking care of his household, MF ignores SV and instead prefers to go out with his friends. Apart from that, personality differences in relationships are also a source of conflict for MF and SV couples. They rarely resolve conflicts completely until they produce a mutual agreement. MF avoids conflict by leaving the house with the aim of calming down or diverting the partner’s attention by joking so that he forgets about the conflict that is occurring. This has been stated by Suciati (2015), that someone who uses an avoidant conflict style usually diverts the conversation when one of the partners starts discussing the conflict that is occurring.

Joseph A. DeVito (2004) also stated that the avoidant conflict style is a conflict resolution strategy that is less effective because it has the potential to cause new problems. If in the case of conflict resolution in the MF and SV couple, MF avoids it by leaving the house, this will add to new conflicts such as SV’s suspicion and fear of cheating behavior.

Even though SV has done everything to resolve the conflict, MF continues to avoid discussing the topic. Therefore, the conflict is getting out of control and an agreement cannot be reached. The unresolved problems for the MF and SV couple have made them enter the final alternative, namely divorce. They admitted that they had exceeded the limit of patience to survive in the household and agreed not to continue the relationship because of the poor communication situation between them. This is supported by MF who very rarely comes home from work outside the city.

Meanwhile, in pair 2, FP prefers to keep his problems alone rather than communicating with RL. According to him, this was done to calm himself first so that excessive conflict did not occur. Based on interviews, researchers found that the resolution style used by the FP and RL pair was a compromise style. Where when FP and RL have calmed themselves down and found the right time to discuss the conflict, the conflict will be resolved completely.

According to Thomas (in Suciati, 2015), this style is more open than the avoidance style, but the problems expressed are not as many. When discussing problems or conflicts that occur, this couple will usually discuss issues where RL has done everything possible to melt FP’s heart first. The obstacles that often occur when FP and RL discuss their problems include FP’s emotions which are often uncontrolled so that communication becomes less effective, and FP’s attitude is less open and likes to keep many problems to themselves. Based on the case of this couple, conflict obstacles come from internal factors, namely personality and attitudes between individuals which can hinder solving problems in their relationship.

Discussions are also one of FP and RL’s efforts to maintain relations from various conflicts that occur. Furthermore, if the agreement or solution is not fully implemented by both parties, they do not make a problem. In his interview, LR said that FP always made excuses to look for work to meet his economic needs. However, this made RL doubt FP’s trust and confidence in having a husband and wife relationship with him. The reason is that currently, RL has accepted the income provided by FP as is. Fortunately, this misunderstanding can soon be resolved together through discussion together. A harmonious family needs a foundation of trust which is one of the components that plays a role in the success of a relationship (Grace et al, 2018). If there is no trust in a romantic relationship, it will be difficult for couples to build a truly harmonious relationship.

When a couple experiences a conflict in their relationship, they will express their feelings verbally and non-verbally. These expressions or expressions can then influence conflict situations, whether the conflict builds or destroys the relationship. Wirawan Sarwono (2010) states that there are two forms of conflict, namely constructive conflict and destructive conflict. Destructive conflict is characterized by the emergence of negative feelings on the part of the other party, hostility, dissatisfaction, and a communication breakdown. Meanwhile, constructive conflict is characterized by an increased understanding of others and closer relationships.

Based on the results of interviews with the FP and RL couple, the researchers found that when they were facing a conflict, RL’s side communicated directly about the problem and always wanted to discuss it thoroughly, but that wasn’t the case on FP’s side he preferred to keep the problem to himself and ignore RL. But if the situation calms down, the two of them will discuss and resolve the conflict that occurs. This statement is supported by the opinion of Hanni (2017) who states that the purpose of communicating problems is to avoid problems that persist within oneself, while also avoiding problems with other people.

Factors that Influence Informants’ Conflict Resolution Styles

An early marriage has more negative impacts than positive. The psychological and health impacts will lead a couple’s relationship to whether or not they are satisfied with their marriage. Factors that cause early marriage among teenagers can be caused by children and outside children. Internal factors that cause early marriage include educational factors, knowledge, desire factors, factors that have had biological relations, and pregnancy before marriage so this occurs when married by accident. External factors that cause early marriage are parents, understanding of religion, economic factors, customary and cultural factors, and mass media (Soekanto, 2012).

In these two couples, early marriage occurred due to pregnancy out of wedlock. Early marriage is certainly prone to conflict. Teenage married couples who experience premarital pregnancy are more likely to master conflict resolution styles such as: compromising style and avoiding style. Competitive style and accommodative style are at a high level but with fewer numbers than compromising style and avoiding style, which indicates that teenage husband and wife couples who experience premarital pregnancy are starting to carry out the developmental tasks of early adulthood (Kharisma, 2013).

The conflict resolution styles used by the two pairs of informants were different. Couple 1 uses an avoidant conflict resolution style, and partner 2 uses a compromise style. This is caused by several factors such as personality and age, which is not yet mature enough to live a domestic life. The personality of each party is very influential in determining the style of conflict resolution. Conflicts in marriage have the potential to cause a breakdown in the relationship between husband and wife or even cause divorce. Ineffective conflict resolution has a negative impact, namely increasing interpersonal distress, reducing the sense of self-worth, decreasing the quality of positive relationships with other people, decreasing the quality of marriage, namely increasing marital dissatisfaction or unhappiness, and can lead to divorce (Killis in Utami and Mariyati, 2015).

Like MF’s personality, namely nerveuzen. According to Gerart Heymas (in Azizah, 2021), people with this personality tend to be emotional or easily angered, like to protest against something, and don’t like to think for a long time, but they are not the vengeful type. Another personality in this couple is that they don’t care about their partner, as in the case of MF who often doesn’t care and lets SV bear the burden of problems and take care of the household alone. According to Bisyri, every person automatically shows characteristics that are different from other personalities. Every person has a unique personality, human life contains various aspects such as emotional, social, psychological, and socio-cultural aspects as well as intellectual abilities that are fully integrated with life’s environmental factors (Karim, 2020)

Likewise, the FP and RL couples, this couple also have their conflict resolution style, namely a compromise conflict resolution style. According to Thomas and Kilman (in Wirawan, 2013), a compromise conflict management style can mean separating differences between two positions and making concessions to find a middle way. Skills are required to use this compromise management style, while the skills that must be possessed are negotiation skills, listening to conflict opponents, evaluating values, finding a middle ground, and making concessions. In this way, existing conflicts can be suppressed and not give rise to new conflicts. If it is related to the FP and RL couple, the factor that makes them use a compromise style is the attitude or personality of the FP, namely sanguine. According to Gerart Heymans (in Azizah, 2021), someone with this personality type has a childish nature, they tend to be wishy-washy in making decisions, hesitate to act, and prefer to be alone. Another characteristic is that he is naive and innocent, not only is he good at controlling his own emotions, but he is also good at playing with other people’s emotions, because of his cleverness in speaking and attracting other people’s attention (Kristian, 2009). FP prefers to keep their problems to themselves to calm themselves and the RL side prefers to give in to the fire of conflict with FP. According to Amirah and Diana, a compromise is made by asking both parties to give in to each other to develop the right solution. The presence of an extended family also influences minimizing the occurrence of divorce after an argument (Hanun & Rahmasari, 2022).

Chart 3.1 Interpersonal Conflict Resolution Styles Teen Couple Unwed pregnancy

Based on the chart above, it can be seen that the conflict resolution styles chosen by informant couples show differences. If traced, differences can also be seen in the source of conflict, conflict behavior, personality, and the presence of extended family. In pair 1, MF-SV the biggest source of conflict is MF’s infidelity. Mira Citra (2021) that as a man he doesn’t want his partner to constantly discuss his affair so he prefers to avoid it and stay outside the house more often. This style is negative and will affect marital satisfaction. Fower and Olson (1993) reveal the components that influence marital satisfaction, namely communication, free time, religious orientation, strategies for handling conflict, economic management, sexual orientation, relationships with family and friends, children and parenting, personality issues, and role equality. The couple did not reach a level of satisfaction in their marriage and ultimately divorced.

Meanwhile, in couple 2, namely FP and RL, the source of the conflict came from economic conditions, lack of trust, and lack of attention to their partner. The form of conflict that occurs in this couple is indicated by starting with FP avoiding it by diverting attention when the conflict occurs and FP preferring to keep his problems to himself to calm himself and his partner. Then, the conflict resolution style used by the MF and SV couple is a compromise conflict style by calming themselves down first to reach a decision and agreement. This is confirmed by Mira Citra’s (2021) findings that couples who have economic problems tend to use a compromise resolution style. There is also another source, namely the involvement of parents in the relationship between FP and SV couples. According to Kartika Siregar (2019), parental intervention does not always have a positive effect but also hurts the couple. Meanwhile, the compromise style is effective in conflict resolution, as Hanzal & Segrin (2009) show that the role of conflict resolution style has an effective effect on reducing the vulnerability of a couple’s relationship and increasing the quality of the marriage. An effective communication process between partners has an impact on an increasingly harmonious marital relationship.

CONCLUSION

Based on the results of the analysis in the data presentation and discussion, of the two couples who became pregnant out of wedlock, the researcher can conclude that both couples married at a young age, causing arguments and even ending in divorce. The two pairs of research informants have different problem-solving styles. The first pair of informants, namely MF and SV, indicated that they had experienced a major conflict, namely infidelity, as well as other forms of conflict such as verbal and non-verbal violence, and lack of attention to their partner. This happens because of the differences in personality and attitude of each party and their lack of readiness to live a married life. The couple has an avoidant resolution style by not wanting to discuss conflict and leaving the house when discussing conflict. Even though SV always asks to discuss the problem when he has calmed down or is not emotional. An avoidant style of resolution tends to worsen the relationship and even result in damage to the couple’s relationship or divorce.

The second pair of informants, namely FP and RL, indicated that both of them had experienced sources of conflict such as economic conditions, lack of trust, and lack of attention to their partner, which often became a trigger for conflict in their relationship. This is because their age is not yet mature enough. In resolving the conflict that occurred, the FP and RL couple used a compromise style, where the couple chose to calm themselves first before discussing the conflict to reach a decision and agreement to maintain the relationship. With a compromise style, marital satisfaction is achieved, strengthening and making the relationship better. The use of conflict resolution styles is greatly influenced by the personality of each conflict actor. MF has a nervous personality (tends to get angry easily) while FP has a sanguine personality (childish, innocent, good at controlling emotions, tends to be wishy-washy in making decisions, hesitates to act, and prefers to be alone).

RECOMMENDATION

• To teenagers who are married

1. Open up about conflicts with your partner so you can develop appropriate conflict resolution patterns and avoid divorce.
2. Form a positive character/personality so that you can resolve interpersonal conflicts effectively with your partner
3. It is necessary to make efforts to understand religious values ​​and practice them in domestic life with a partner so that understanding conflict from a conflict perspective is positive.

• To parents and educational institutions

To prevent the spread of the practice of adultery in society, parents and educational institutions need to provide adequate sex education to teenagers to anticipate the occurrence of promiscuity, while married couples can provide examples of harmonious household behavior.

• To government institutions and government officials

It is hoped that government institutions and government officials related to this issue, such as the Ministry of Religion and the Child Protection Commission, can discuss this matter seriously through counseling and outreach about harmonious marriage (for married couples), sex, and promiscuity (for unmarried couples).

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