Analysis of Social Penetration of Children Victims of Parental Violence against their Friends: A Case Study in Yogyakarta, Indonesia

Analysis of Social Penetration of Children Victims of Parental Violence against their Friends: A Case Study in Yogyakarta, Indonesia

Suciati^*, Kevin Okatama Jatmiko

Department of Communication Science, Universitas Muhammadiyah Yogyakarta,

*Corresponding Author

DOI: https://doi.org/10.51244/IJRSI.2024.1104013

Received: 15 March 2024; Accepted: 28 March 2024; Published: 28 April 2024

ABSTRACT

This research aimed to describe in detail the social penetration of children who are victims of their parents’ violence through self-disclosure to their friends. This research was studied using the concepts of interpersonal communication, self-disclosure, and social penetration theory. The approach in this research is qualitative with a descriptive type. Data were collected using in-depth interviews. The results of this research state that the level of social penetration is different for the two pairs of informants and their friends as a result of the level of intimacy that occurs. The breadth of topics discussed starts from talking about studying at school to hobbies, romance, and how their parents abuse them. The relationship between the two partners reaches the process of social penetration at the stage of affective exchange and affective exploratory exchange. Meanwhile, the friendship stage reaches stabilized friendship and nascent friendship. The factors that influence parental violence against children revolve around economic issues, personality, and parenting patterns.

Keywords: Interpersonal Communication, Social Penetration, Parental violence, Friendship, Authoritarian parenting style

INTRODUCTION

The presence of children in a family is a gift given by God to their parents. Parents should give love so that children feel comfortable at home(Coe, 2011). Family is the first and main educational forum in the child’s life history which is an important basis in the formation of human character itself. To create strong character and good souls in children in the family, a harmonious and dynamic family atmosphere is needed, through strong two-way coordination and communication between parents and children (Baharudin et al., 2021).

However, the fact is that not all families can navigate their household ship smoothly. Some families are not fully able to feel happiness love and care for each other, instead, they experience feelings of discomfort, depression, or sadness and feelings of fear and hatred among their members, such as violence against biological children. Violence still often occurs in the life of every child(Henschel et al., 2014). There are many forms of violence against children, starting from the location of the incident, the perpetrator, and the reasons why the violence occurs. Crime or violence committed by parents usually takes the form of scolding children or hitting children with brooms, belts, and other things that are around. Many say that parents who abuse their children are classified as mild abusers, but this act is done intentionally to cause pain to a child’s body and can have fatal consequences for the child (Klebanov et al., 2022)

The rise of cases of violence against children in Indonesia, especially in Yogyakarta, is increasing day by day. This violence is motivated by many factors such as economic factors and child delinquency factors. Children who are victims of violence experience stress and cannot solve their problems on their own, and they even don’t understand what stress is and what its symptoms are (Radford et al., 2013). Several forms of child behavior as a result of wrong treatment from parents include: Being permissive, namely the condition of feeling useless or useless, ultimately leads to a lack of self-confidence. He becomes quiet, isolates himself, and is unable to get along with other people. Being depressed means always feeling down because of a problem that has been hidden for a long time. Behaving aggressively, that is, rebelling but not being able to fight back against the perpetrator, then he will behave negatively to show that he is a strong person and has power. He will act destructively, such as wanting to hurt himself (Cicchetti & Valentino, 2015).

During a child’s development period when various things are not yet perfect, the child needs help from other, more mature people. The people closest to them are the right people to help them overcome the problems they face. One way or method that can be used to overcome problems is to tell stories or pour out one’s heart to a friend or friend who is willing to listen and provide some solutions. However, the behavior of children who are victims of violence will tend to be closed and afraid to socialize because of trauma from other people, so it is necessary to provide activities and space that support socialization activities (Coe, 2011).

Violence category against children according to the Child Protection Law includes neglect, sexual violence, and physical violence. Article 1 in Law Number 35 of 2014 concerning child protection states that a child is someone who is not yet 18 years old, including children who are still in the womb. In Law Number 35 of 2014 concerning child protection relating to violence against a child and Law Number 22 of 2004 concerning prevention of violence in a household as well as in the Criminal Law Book which regulates that the perpetrator gets heavy sanctions so that perpetrators can be deterred, and other people cannot do the same thing as perpetrators of violent crimes (Al Adawiah, 2015).

However, cases of parental violence against children are not decreasing. For example, several cases occurred in 2022-2023 in Indonesia: A 15-year-old boy became a victim of violence from his parents. He was tied with chains and padlocked at his home in West Java. The victim was neglected until he was starving, and his body was in an emaciated condition, almost dying (July 2022). Two children were victims of violence by their biological father at the Signature Park apartment. The reason the perpetrator committed violence was that his son spent more time playing games during online school (December 2022). A 10-year-old child was a victim of sexual violence committed by his stepfather in Manado, North Sulawesi. This case started with a report by HS, the victim’s mother, to the Manado Police, when she found that her child was experiencing heavy bleeding from his genitals (February 2023). A tiny 6-month-old baby was a victim of violence by his biological father. Initially, the perpetrator felt disturbed while playing online games by the baby’s crying. He hit the baby in the face, specifically in the mouth, then also the back of the head (February 2023) (Yunita, 2023).

Referring to data from the Indonesian Child Protection Commission (KPAI), there were 4,683 complaints throughout 2022. Of that number, 2,113 complaints related to special child protection, 1,960 complaints related to the family environment and alternative care, 429 complaints related to the education and culture sector, 120 complaints related to the health and welfare sector, as well as 41 complaints related to violations of children’s rights to freedom. Meanwhile, up to September 2023, KPAI has received 1800 cluster complaints regarding the fulfillment of children’s rights and special protection for children (Child Protection Commission, 2023)

More than that, cases of violence against children in the Yogyakarta area are still relatively high, starting from January 1 to June 30, 2023, there are still approximately 654 cases of violence against children, compared to relatively lower cases of violence in Central Java, namely 489 cases of violence against children. Meanwhile, the Yogyakarta City Government said that 85 children would become victims of violence throughout 2023. This was conveyed by the Head of the Yogyakarta City Women’s Empowerment, Child Protection, Population Control, and Family Planning Service (Suryo, 2023).

Children who are victims of violence often feel that they are different from other people. Some victims are angry with themselves, other victims use drugs and alcohol to punish their bodies and try to avoid memories of violent incidents that have happened to them. However, some choose to express their annoyance at their parents’ violence by opening up to their friends. Friends are people who have a certain position in interpersonal relationships. The one of the functions of friendship is to share experiences so that both parties feel satisfied and successful, including success in the form of their relationship(Peppers & Rogers, 2016).

LITERATURE REVIEW OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION: SELF-DISCLOSURE AND SOCIAL PENETRATION

The communication process takes place in various contexts, ranging from interpersonal communication, and group communication to mass communication. The function of communication is to achieve a goal and a mutual understanding of the parties in the relationship. Each context has unique characteristics, all of which require effectiveness in the process (Suciati, 2015). According to Berger(2014), interpersonal communication can occur through process stages: first, Contact, this means giving each other a first assessment or impression that can be seen through body language and good language. Second, introduction, the impression obtained will be able to encourage other people to express themselves and introduce themselves to each other. Third, Friendship, to achieve good friendship, it will be established over a certain period and get to know the actors in it more intimately. Fourth, Conflict, A challenge that arises in any relationship context is conflict, which can occur because the actors maintain each other’s egos or misunderstandings. Five, Split, Conflicts that escalate but cannot be resolved well will lead to a process of division. The perpetrator in a relationship will withdraw or no longer communicate.

Then, the effectiveness of interpersonal communication has five characteristics, namely: Openness is the participant’s willingness to respond openly without any coercion regarding the information received by the interlocutor. Empathy is having similar feelings about what other people experience. Supportiveness is a situation that is open and supports effective communication. Positiveness means a person must have positive feelings and thoughts towards himself, encouraging other people to participate more actively, and creating communication situations conducive to more effective interactions. Equality is a tacit acknowledgment that both parties value, are useful, and have something important to contribute (Hargie, 2021).

Openness is one of the factors influencing the effectiveness of interpersonal communication. DeVito, (2013) said: “openness refers to the communicator’s willingness to react honestly to incoming stimuli, as well as responsibility for the thoughts and feelings expressed. Self-disclosure is the disclosure of a person’s reactions and responses to the situation they are facing by providing relevant information regarding events that occurred in the past for a new understanding in the future.” The indicators of a person’s openness include several things, namely: Willingness to express oneself as measured by aspects of attitudes, feelings, thoughts, and expressions. Disclosure of self-identity will develop in cognitive and affective ways which can be expressed verbally and non-verbally. Willingness to listen and understand someone’s problems (McCrae & Greenberg, 2014).

The relationship will continue if the partner has started to reveal personal/individual issues. When we have not reached the stage of intimacy it will be difficult to express individual problems. The level of breadth will be measured from the breadth and narrowness of the types of topics communicated to someone. The more intimate a person’s relationship, the wider the topics they discuss. Thinking openly about parents requires an understanding that after all parents have full love for their children. However, when parents have their problems, they often vent at an emotional level, such as anger or frustration in front of their children, thereby providing a basis for the development of their children’s personalities. Openness is something positive (Drumm et al., 2014). This can be seen in the impact it produces. Some of the impacts of openness were expressed by Supratiknya, (2005), as follows: social control, relationship development, expressions and social validation.

Then, the theory of social penetration is an interpersonal communication relationship that is not intimate but becomes intimate because it is influenced by the presence of self-disclosure factors. Self-disclosure is strategic and non-strategic, which means that before someone opens themselves to other people, they have planned this. Social penetration theory is a theory that explains developments in the interpersonal communication process. Where the interpersonal communication process between two or more people that is carried out for the first time is general communication, such as asking about activities that are being carried out and so on. However, as time goes by, if two or more people have a more intense interpersonal relationship, the longer the interpersonal communication carried out will become more intimate. The main component in the theory of social penetration is reproducibility. Reproduce is a process that directs other people to self-disclosure (Rains et al., 2014).

The stages in the theory of social penetration are: orientation, which is the first stage of the interpersonal interaction process is the orientation stage. At this level, social penetration includes little self-disclosure. Only a few people can be open with the person they are talking to, people tend to be careful in their actions and words. Affective Probing Exchange, which means that at this stage a person’s openness towards the person they are talking to begins to emerge. Someone starts to reveal what they think is private to become public. Individuals have started to feel comfortable with the person they are talking to. Affective exchange, which means that the affective exchange stage is very intimate. Usually, people at this stage have already established deeper friendships. Stable exchange, which means that the stable exchange stage is the stage of social penetration which results in total openness. At this stage, interpersonal communication is very open and without any boundaries, awkwardness, or embarrassment, so interpersonal communication is at a level of synchronous intimacy (Mangus et al., 2020).

The relationship closeness factor in social penetration theory is very dependent on a person’s self-disclosure to other people. Demonstrated self-openness can relax boundaries so that other people can comfortably communicate with them. For example, in the family environment, it can be started by eliminating the distance between parents and children. This can also be done non-verbally, for example, by eye contact, blinking, and smiling. As noted in social penetration theory, there are permanent boundaries that maintain closeness between people in a relationship. Like if you open your privacy too much, then in the future it will be very difficult for you to maintain that privacy (Carpenter & Greene, 2015).

Research Methods

This type of research is descriptive qualitative with an interpretive paradigm. Qualitative descriptive research is research carried out to understand phenomena experienced by research subjects, for example, behavior, concepts, perceptions, and related issues about the humans being studied in the form of language words (Lambert & Lambert, 2012). The object of this research is the social penetration of children who are victims of parental violence toward their friends.

Data Collection and Analysis Techniques  

This research used in-depth interview data collection techniques. This research uses the technique of determining informants using purposive sampling. Purposive sampling is a non-probability sampling technique that is based on characteristics possessed by selected informants based on research objectives (Kim et al., 2017). In this study, informants were determined using the following criteria: children (less than 18 years old), victims of parental violence, live in Yogyakarta, and have friends who have been around for at least 1 year. This research uses data validity testing with source triangulation techniques, meaning comparing data and double-checking the degree of trustworthiness of information obtained through different sources (Humble, 2009). Data analysis in qualitative research means processing data so that it can be interpreted scientifically. Data analysis was carried out using interactive analysis which was carried out through the stages of data collection, data reduction, data presentation, and conclusion.

Informant Profile

The informants in this study were two pairs consisting of 2 children victims of violence and their friends who live in Yogyakarta. The child victim and his friend were selected according to the criteria set by the researcher. The closed attitude of children who are victims of parental violence is an obstacle for researchers to get more informants. The informant profiles of the victim’s children and their friends are as follows:

HK (child) and SD (friend). HK, The first child victim informant was a man with the initials HK. HK is a 3rd grade high school student in Yogyakarta. Currently, HK is 18 years old. HK is the third of four siblings. HK lives in Condong Catur, Sleman, Yogyakarta. HK’s family can be said to be a well-off family because HK’s father is a chicken noodle entrepreneur and his mother is a housewife. Initially, this family was harmonious and there were rarely any problems in this family, but since the Covid-19 pandemic, the economic condition of the HK family has decreased because the parents’ business has experienced a lot of decline, so several problems have arisen in the HK family. HK confessed to his elementary school friend about the violent behavior that occurred every day, every time he came home from school. HK always kept silent and didn’t dare to fight. HK told SD that he had been beaten with a broom because he was against his parents. Occasionally HK replies to his parents’ shouting with logical reasons. Since then, HK often experiences physical violence every time he makes a mistake, being hit with other objects or with his father’s hands. HK was stressed because he was confused about what to do and what to do every time he experienced violence from his parents.

HK couldn’t possibly fight his parents all the time. Finally, HK told SD about the violence he experienced, because he felt that by opening up to SD, his childhood friend and neighbor, HK felt more relieved and SD could also provide a little input to HK. According to information provided by HK, his father often resorted to violence due to worsening economic factors during the COVID-19 pandemic, which made HK an outlet for his father’s emotions.

Then, SD is HK’s best friend, a teenage girl. SD is a neighbor of HK who lives in Sleman, Yogyakarta. Currently, SD is also 18 years old. SD and HK have been friends since childhood because their houses are close to each other and emotionally HK is also close to HK’s family. They go to the same school from elementary school, and junior high school but are different in high school.

Initially, SD didn’t know any information about the violence experienced by HK because SD saw that HK’s family was fine and HK never said anything about his family. However, SD knows that HK’s parents’ business has decreased due to the pandemic. SD admitted that HK suddenly came to SD’s house with a red face, crying and angry, expressing his frustration at the violent incident that had occurred previously. Then HK said that recently he had often experienced physical violence from his father because of the many problems that occurred in HK’s family. SD listened seriously to every HK story.

TF (Child) and TS (Friend). TF, the second child victim of violence was a woman with the initials TF. TF is a 3rd grade high school student in Yogyakarta. Currently, TF is 17 years old. TF is the first child of three siblings. TF lives in Sleman, Yogyakarta. When interviewed, TF said that he had experienced verbal and non-verbal violence from his parents since childhood because TF’s parents had a strong temperament. It turned out that it wasn’t just TF who was the target of his father’s temperament, but also his mother.TF’s father worked as a contractor and his mother worked at a bank. TF said that since childhood he had often been scolded. As a child, TF never told anyone, because he was afraid his father would find out. As time went by, TF couldn’t hold it in and had to tell someone he trusted. His suffering caused him trauma, and in the end, TF chose TS to pour out all his heart regarding the violence he experienced.

TS, the informant who was a friend of the child who was the second victim of violence was a woman with the initials TS. TS is a 3rd grade high school student in Yogyakarta. Currently, TS is 17 years old. TS has been TF’s best friend since elementary school. TS lives in Bantul, Yogyakarta. They are good friends because they come from the same elementary school. However, in middle school and high school, they went to different schools but still met often because they often hung out or played together, even though they didn’t feel like they were in the same village.

TS said that it was only at the beginning of high school that he learned that TF often experienced violence from his parents. TF just said that at the beginning of high school, when TF was physically abused by being slapped and throwing his cell phone. TF even stayed overnight at TS’s house because his parents were fighting and he was afraid of being affected. TF just said that he often experienced violence from his parents because TF’s father could be said to be light-hearted or temperamental.

RESULT AND DISCUSSION

According to Johnson, self-disclosure is expressing our behavior or reactions to the circumstances we currently face and sharing historical information that is relevant or helpful in understanding how we respond today. One of the most important elements in developing deep human relationships is self-disclosure. There are three indicators of a person’s openness which include (1) willingness to reveal one’s identity in terms of attitudes, feelings, thoughts, and expressions; (2) willingness to listen and understand someone’s problems; and (3) the level of breadth is measured by the breadth and narrowness of the types of topics communicated to someone(Supratiknya, 2005).

Willingness to Reveal One’s Identity

The introduction of self-identity carried out by HK and SD began with small talk regarding their daily lives and activities at school. HK often asks SD for help with school assignments, because for him SD is seen as a diligent and intelligent child. Over time their topics flowed more deeply. SD patiently helped provide explanations about these questions. Considering that HK and SD’s houses are close together, over time this habit eventually develops into an intimate closeness. Almost every time they have free time, they meet, even if it’s just to chat. This improvement in relations led HK to begin to be more open about his identity, starting by asking how his parents and elementary school siblings were doing. HK also talked about his allergy to shrimp and the foods he likes and doesn’t like. After going through the small talk phase with SD, over time HK and SD’s relationship grew closer and in the end, HK said that his relationship with his father was not good. They almost didn’t want to speak to each other because they were angry, sad, and disappointed with their father. As Lünnemann et al., (2019) said, the psychological impact of parental violence includes feelings of sadness, shame, fear, looking panicked, anxious, worried, often daydreaming, being silent a lot when asked about what happened to him, and not being confident enough to join his friends.

Likewise, TF initially expressed his identity in terms of feelings and expressions only within the scope of activities at school. The thing that TF remembers most when he started the story with TS was TF’s carelessness in spilling night candles on the school floor when TF was taking part in a batik extracurricular activity in class 1 of high school. As time went by, TF began to open up and tell TS about his romantic relationship with his girlfriend which ended without any clear problems. The friendly relationship between TF and TS continued without any awkwardness until TF opened up to TS about the situation in his family, including the violence perpetrated by his parents.

The stages of the social penetration process that HK and TF go through to reveal their identity to their friends are by the opinion expressed by Trevillion et al. (2014) that humans are like onions which have many layers. The layers correspond to the quality and quantity of information about the self that is revealed. Topics of conversation start from the small talk down to the most personal. In line with this, disclosing one’s identity is also carried out in many ways from the aspects of emotion, behavior, and expression (Mustafa et al., 2023). This can be seen from the way they initially communicated with friends, which was only limited to discussing school. Next, they introduced each other further with topics of discussion that were more personal, for example, related to hobbies and allergies, as well as romance. Communication improves in the intimate phase, marked by getting to know each other’s characters more closely, both HK to SD and TF to TS. In line with Untung’s (2018) opinion this stage of communication can be achieved because of the existence of a dyadic relationship ( relational dyadic), namely interpersonal communication as a communication that takes place between two people who have a stable and clear relationship.

In the next stage, an increasingly intimate relationship is indicated by a willingness to talk about private topics with those closest to you. HK’s trust in SD made him want to reveal his personal life regarding changes in conditions in his family since COVID-19 hit which had an impact on the family’s economic conditions. HK also told SD his entire personal life, starting from the verbal and non-verbal violence committed by his father. HK feels he doesn’t have the strength to fight his father’s aggressive behavior, which makes him stressed. This proves that several forms of mental violence include threatening, slandering, insulting, exaggerating mistakes made by children, and so on. Several factors that cause children to experience mental violence include parents who have low incomes and have a tendency to carry out negative behavior, parents’ knowledge about children’s growth and development, an environment that is not conducive to children’s growth and development, and development and lack of parental acceptance of strengths and weaknesses. child. Children who experience continuous verbal violence will have their emotions disturbed, they will not have a good self-concept and the child will become more aggressive (Peltonen et al., 2010).In contrast to HK, TF has received verbal and non-verbal violence from his temperamental father since childhood, and TF’s mother is often the target of TF’s father’s anger. TF’s personal story was successfully told openly to SD over time by going through several stages of approach which gave rise to closeness.

The familiarity based on mutual trust is an important point related to self-disclosure communication(Ignatius & Kokkonen, 2012; Sprecher et al., 2012). Looking at the case above, the openness carried out by HK and TF towards their respective friends was based on mutual trust. Both HK to SD and TF to TS made confessions and opened personal stories to their respective friends. HK and TF have complete trust considering their relationship is very close. Without any fear that his best friend would betray him. They feel that by sharing their stories by telling about their suffering, they will become mentally healthy. The quality of friendship will correlate with levels of stress and loneliness. Individuals who have high-quality friendships tend to avoid feelings of loneliness and stress levels tend to be low. However, individuals who have low-quality friendships tend to feel lonely and create high-stress levels (Rachmanie & Swasti, 2022).

Willingness to Listen and Understand Someone’s Problems

HK already trusts SD as a place to tell stories about things that HK thinks are personal. HK likes the attitude of his interlocutor or SD friend when telling stories because SD is very fun. HK also revealed that his friend was very enthusiastic about hearing stories about his daily life. SD was very expressive in responding to HK’s story. When HK tells a sad story, SD also empathizes by being sad, when HK tells a happy story, SD is also happy. From the SD side, SD was very happy to hear HK’s openness regarding life, because SD felt he was trusted by HK as a place to lean on. SD also always focuses on listening to HK’s stories because SD already considers HK like a brother. SD said that sometimes HK’s stories would bring tears to his eyes, making SD move and cry too. The penetration process was carried out by HK by telling him about his family’s conditions which made him uncomfortable. His father’s shouting and insults every day made him stressed and he didn’t feel at home. Every time he was late coming home, he was greeted with insults. He felt that he was not wrong because HK admitted that he was late picking up his sister because HK was doing group assignments. He couldn’t resist the shouting and cursing. Meanwhile, the non-verbal violence he received was being hit with a hand 5 times and being hit with a broom on his stomach 3 times. He was angry with his father’s behavior and never reprimanded his father unless he was forced to. HK also intends to drop out of school and leave home.

Meanwhile, SD listened attentively. Occasionally he also talks about how his family is doing well. SD once advised HK to report the problem to the chairman of the neighborhood, and he would take it. But HK refused because he was afraid of imagining that his father would oppress him even more. SD also suggested that in the meantime he should remain open-minded and obey his parents’ wishes. Moreover, this condition of violence has occurred since his father’s bankruptcy due to the Covid-19 pandemic. SD also did not want HF to drop out of school because he could not stand his father’s treatment. This is in line with the opinion of Franklin-Luther & Volk, (2021) who says that harsh and harsh parental attitudes, deviant parental behavior, cold relationships between children and parents and between father and mother, divorced parents, and a weak economy are the main drivers for children to behave aggressively. The ever-increasing economic demands of life accompanied by feelings of disappointment and anger towards their partners because they cannot meet their needs and their helplessness in dealing with economic problems makes parents pour out their emotions on those around them (Berk, 2015).

TF felt the same way when he revealed his private life to TS. TS always responds seriously and enthusiastically to every story from TF. The private thing that TF shared with TS was about family problems such as violence committed by his father.TF stated that TS’s expression was quite empathetic when listening to TF’s story. When TF tells stories about things that are funny, TS’s expression will be laughing out loud. When TF talks about things that make him sad, TS’s ex will show a sad expression and even cry. TF admitted that TS could always feel what TF was experiencing. On the other hand, TS revealed that he was very happy to be the person TF trusted to tell about his personal life. This is because TF is an introverted personality and doesn’t find it easy to tell stories to other people, apart from him. When someone makes a decision, he will prefer a decision based on the choices of people he can trust more than those he trusts less (Moorman et al., 1993). He felt as if his subconscious burden had disappeared for a moment. People who tell others about traumatic events and the emotions they experience in reaction to those events tend to show better health than people who do not open up to others (Kállay, 2015; Kennedy-Moore & Watson, 2001; Moorman et al., 1993).

TS has had a less close relationship with his father since childhood because his father’s behavior of shouting and cursing has become his daily bread. Even when his father got angry and threw his cell phone at him, it didn’t make him sad for long. The relationship with his father was also not disturbed as happened with informant couple 1. In other words, TS’s family has implemented an authoritarian parenting style since childhood. The father’s temperamental nature also had an impact on his mother. In this way, TF doesn’t bother even though he occasionally gets hurt, wants to fight his father, and drops out of school. Meanwhile, TS also couldn’t do much except listen attentively. He advised his friend to keep praying and not go against his father’s words. Research documents how the impact of childhood trauma increases significantly and has negative consequences, including dropping out of school, drug abuse, depression, suicide, and much more victimization, or involvement with violence and crime. Children who receive physical punishment at home are more likely to engage in violent acts against other children and adults (Seusan & Maradiegue, 2020).

Willingness to Listen and Understand Someone’s Problems as Measured by the Level of Breadth Topic

By confiding in his friend, HK felt relieved, and his mental health was taken care of. Never mind telling stories, someone who writes about their problems to other people will also reduce their mental burden, as Pannebaker believes that individuals who write about emotional experiences have their physical and other conditions improve significantly. Changes in basic cognitive and linguistic processes during writing predict better health. Evidence suggests that writing about stressful events can strengthen psychological and physical well-being and perhaps even improve systemic responsiveness ((Murray et al., 1989).

In line with the opinion of Altman et al., (1981) social penetration theory describes a relationship bonding process in which individuals move from superficial communication to more intimate (complex) communication. This is illustrated by the friendly relationship that exists between HK and DS, as well as TF and TS. This relationship goes through various systematic and dynamic processes until it reaches more intimate communication, where HK and TF dare to tell their friends personal things about themselves. Someone who forms friendships cannot be separated from the activities they do together with their friends, such as deep conversations, providing help to each other, as well as several joint activities, namely eating together, watching films, shopping, and exercising together (Demir et al., 2007).

In this case, the friendship relationship of the first couple, namely HK and DS, has passed the orientation stage and passed the affective exploration stage which is reflected in the communication that has been established, where HK started to ask for news about the family to the point of being willing to report his parents’ actions to the chairman of the neighborhood. SD did this solely so that his friend HK wouldn’t decide to leave home and drop out of school. As for what happened to the second couple, namely TF and TS, where TF began to tell TS about his love life, which was initially private and became public but did not reach deeper sacrifices. TF was only advised to always be patient and not to put up resistance in the face of violent behavior from his parents.

The communication process between the two partners continues until they reach the stage of the social penetration process which is called the affective exchange stage and the affective exploration stage. This stage is characterized by the establishment of a more intimate relationship based on commitment and comfort, as well as further sacrifices between each other. Apart from that, the use of non-verbal messages from each party involved in the relationship becomes easier to understand and creates comfort between the parties (Manning, 2019). In line with this, Altman et al., (1981) also stated that appreciation and sacrifice have a greater influence on the initial stages of a relationship compared to relationships that have existed for a long time. This can be seen from the level of sacrifice in the relationship that exists between HK to DS and TF to TS, where at first, they only communicated within the scope of daily life at school, up to their respective sacrifices for their friends. As time went by, both HK and TF felt comfortable when communicating with their friends, because both DS and TS gave positive responses as reflected in their expressions and level of enthusiasm when responding to stories from HK and TF.

HK-TF and TF-TS Friendship Analysis

The friendship between pair 1 (HK and TF) looks more intimate in level than pair 2 (TF and TS). Self-disclosure as a child victim of parental violence is based on the self-disclosure that occurred between them. This intimacy is characterized by increasingly deeper self-disclosure based on a sense of trust, as revealed by Papalia that the ability to form friendships during adolescence is characterized by trust, understanding, appreciation, sharing joy, acceptance, spontaneity, and willingness to help (Handalani, 2018). HK’s appreciation for DS is described by the joy felt by DS because he is trusted by HK as a friend who can hear HK’s personal stories. Likewise, TS feels happy and lucky, because TF, who has an introverted personality, can trust him to hear stories about TF’s family conditions. This is in line with the opinion of Rubin et al., (2010), that trust is the most important basis for establishing communication to achieve intimate disclosure of information. In this case, both HK to DS and TF to TS have trust in each other.

In the friendship relationship, the first partner and the second partner have passed the orientation stage and the affective exploration stage and arrived at the affective exchange stage. This pairing process is based on commitment and comfort. Mutual trust and the ability of a friend to respond and respond to the story of a victim of violence are important things that make the victim comfortable in telling personal things. HK admitted that he was satisfied with the attitude and response from SD when listening to HK’s story. Meanwhile, SD was very expressive and empathetic by showing non-verbals according to the story told by HK. TF felt the same thing when he revealed his private life to TS because TS always responded well and enthusiastically to every story from TF. Apart from that, TS also makes him comfortable he is an introvert. Sharing personal stories of victims of violence with close friends also aims to get support and motivation from friends in facing the problem of violence.

Raboteg-Saric & Sakic, (2014) states that someone who is involved in a high-quality friendship tends to share, trust, be open, and support each other so in this relationship there will also be demands to make sacrifices for each other, where both time, attention, and information are needed. owned by someone must be shared with his friends, and vice versa. Thus, someone who has good friendship qualities will tend to feel happier. This is proven by SD and TS as friends who have made several supports and sacrifices for the happiness of their friends, namely HK and TF. SD wanted to help report his father’s behavior to the RT head, while TS persuaded TF to report it to the child protection agency.

The formation of stable friendship patterns (pair 1) and nascent friendship (pair 2) cannot be separated from the quality of the friendship they have built. In looking at the quality of a friendship, Parker, (1991) put forward six important aspects formulated in the quality of friendship, namely: (1) Support and attention, namely the extent to which a friendship relationship is characterized by attention, support, and interest (2) Conflict and betrayal, that the extent to which disagreement, irritation, and distrust are understood as positive. (3) Togetherness and enjoyment, namely the extent to which individuals spend enjoyable time together. (4) Help and guidance, including the level of friends’ efforts to help each other with routine and challenging tasks. (5) Openness, including the extent to which the relationship is characterized by disclosure of personal information and feelings. (6) Conflict resolution, namely the extent to which conflicts in relationships can be resolved efficiently and fairly.

Based on the data analysis above, a chart of the social penetration of children who are victims of parental violence toward their friends can be described as follows:

Figure 1. Social Penetration of children who are victims of parental violence and their friend

The pattern of development of the relationship between HK to DS and TF to TS is influenced by various events and variables, such as the intensity of the meeting, personality, duration, and so on. Both HK and TF have an adjustment process that influences them to establish interpersonal relationships with other people, including their friends. Various events and other variables greatly influence HK and TF’s level of alertness in determining the extent to which they will communicate and provide information related to themselves to their friends, namely HK to DS and TF to TS.

CONCLUSION

The self-disclosure of 2 pairs of informants, children who were victims of domestic violence and their best friends, had differences in the level of social penetration. Victims HK and TF started being open with their friends, with light conversations regarding daily activities at school. Over time, the relationship developed, so that the victims became more open about their personal lives. HK told SD that HK often received verbal and non-verbal violence from his father after the economic collapse during the COVID-19 pandemic. Meanwhile, TF told TS that he had received verbal and non-verbal violence from his temperamental father since childhood. Even TF’s mother often becomes the target of his father’s anger. The trauma experienced by HK and TF as victims of domestic violence has resulted in mental pressure in the form of stress and fear. This is one of the backgrounds for HK and TF telling stories to their closest friends who are familiar to lighten their mental and emotional burden.

As friends, SD and TS always listen attentively to show their empathy through facial expressions. SD provided a more concrete solution to HK, namely helping report it to the chairman of the neighborhood. Meanwhile, TS provided a solution that was self-restraint and remained patient in dealing with his father’s behavior. Intimacy based on mutual trust between children who are victims of violence, and their friends has undergone various communication processes until they have reached a certain phase in social penetration. The HK-SD couple reached the affective exchange stage, which was a step more intimate than the TF and TS couples who were at the affective exploratory exchange stage. This is characterized by the level of depth and concern of friends in finding solutions.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

We would like to thank the Department of Communication Science, Universitas Muhammadiyah Yogyakarta for providing both material and non-material facilities in supporting this research.

FUNDING

No funding was received.

DISCLOSURE STATEMENT

No potential conflict of interest was reported by the author(s)

DATA AVAILABILITY STATEMENT

The authors confirm that the data supporting the findings of this study are available within the article [and/or] its supplementary materials.

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