Tackling Unsolvable Parental Issues

Tackling Unsolvable Parental Issues

Tatiana Estelle Guessou N

DOI: https://dx.doi.org/10.47772/IJRISS.2025.90600050

Received: 18 May 2025; Accepted: 29 May 2025; Published: 28 June 2025

ABSTRACT

Some relationships seem to degrade themselves without us being able to twist the turn of events. It’s all the more uncomfortable since it concerns our loved ones, our parents, our children or our grand-children sometimes.

A taboo subject like the degrading relationship between parents and children is sorrowful to deal with but crucial to tackle down. Let’s have a look at what truly bothers and really address the causes, and potential consequences on the subjects and the society.  Thus, it would be easier for each one of us suffering from seemingly unsolvable parental issues to identify in the various cases and know how to solve ours.

Keywords: tackling seemingly unsolvable parental issues

MAIN TEXT

Sometimes some people come to ask themselves, what have I ever done to my parents to be treated so carelessly? Others ask themselves when or why has my child turned into such a jerk? Both sides of the matter have slipped out some basics that could have avoided the situation to degrade to that extent. However, once they realize what they did or thought wrongly, the issue will be soon solved.

First of all, let’s enumerate some cases that would bring trouble into the relationship between parents and children.

The most common case would be that the child came out of the blue. The pregnancy was not prepared or expected by the parents, in other terms, they were not ready at that particular time to welcome the baby. (1)

Case two would be that the child itself behaves badly towards his or her parents for various reasons. (2)

Case three would be that the entourage tend to be too present or disturbing the relationship between the biological parents and their child. (3)

Case four would be that the parents have mental issues to deal with. (4)

Case One: Concerning the first case, when the arrival of the pupil was not expected, let’s break it into three different situations:

• Situation 1A the baby they beared or were given at birth is not the biological child of both parents.
• Situation 1B the timing is really bad for both parents to welcome their baby. It concerns regularly the first born.
• Situation 1C is a combination of situation 1A and 1B.

1. (1C): About the third case, where the child is not only arriving in a difficult period for his/her parents, but also is not the biological child of the parent suing in that situation, the parents might refrain from giving their best of attention to the child at first but they will grow affection for their child and behave normally once the situation is cleared and if the entourage including the biological parents doesn’t worsen the situation.

2. (1A), Case Two: When the child ill behaves towards his or her parents, because of his external genes for example, the parents might raise a resentment towards their child because they view the efforts put into his/her bearing, education, health and happiness as a huge sacrifice comparing to what they receive from him or her as affection and respect. The parent may end up favoring other’s children instead of him or her as a normal reflex. That change might be viewed as unexpected and hypocrite by the child who happens to learn only then that he or she is not their biological child and himself/herself and their entourage might think that the change in the parents’ behavior is due the fact that he or she has been adopted all the while. But, generally speaking, such a child that continuously ill behaves towards his or her parents, has full knowledge in the young adult age, sometimes already as a teenager, of the disrespect and might have been well prepared before going further in the offense or continue to misbehave towards his/her parents.

Case Three, Four, and 1b: In this case the parents face serious mental issues because of their entourage or not. The child might come at a bad timing, when the parents themselves still live by their own parents and feel frustrated all the time because of that influence of their entourage into their intimacy and the connection with their child (1B) (3), or they are torn because they are about to or already separated (1D), or they simply are financially dependent at that moment (4) or worse are going through a complicated crisis in their lives because of their various commitments (4): professional, cultural or religious. In those cases, the arrival of the child might be viewed as a sign of bad luck. The parents can attribute a sad name to their child or think that an ancestor or the ex-boyfriend or girlfriend has cursed them and reflect the negative vibes onto their children by, for example, refusing to breastfeeding him/her. The financial burden or dependence manifests itself by the under nourishment of their child.

But once the emotional and financial dependence towards the entourage is overcome, the parents will then give the required affection to their child for his/her fulfillment, all the more so that he or she carries their genes.

Case Two: This case deals with the presence of the child bothering the parent in charge in his new relationship.  It also deals with the child reminding one of the parents that it is because of him or her that he is still in the relationship with the mother or the father (1E), in other words, it’s because of him or her that they got married for example or officially engaged. In the last-mentioned case, the mistreatments will continue as long as the other parent feels this way towards the relationship to the partner. On the other hand, when the biological parents are already separated and in a new relationship each, the new partner might view the stepchild as a threat against his or her couple, all the more so if both biological parents have kept good relationships together, like better connection than with the present partner.

Case Four variance: To conclude, let’s dive into the worst possible scenario, the parents raising the child face serious mental issues that started with the presence of the child in their life, or worsen then because of medical complications like pre- or postnatal depression, a traumatizing surgery, a sudden sterility, or simply social, moral or financial harassment. The parents might react either positively to the situation by overprotecting their child often from the society and his or her peers, or they might react negatively by protecting themselves from their child, which can be manifested in the overexposure of their unprepared child to the society or life tricks. This may continue until they heal from their issues that are related to the child, but it may also stop if the child gains enough maturity to identify the issue, and solve it by keeping both the sanity and the relationship with his/her parents.  When failed, he or she can simply withdraw from their influence.

In every case stated beforehand, the parent must remove any false dogma or beliefs related to the child and seek the help of a relatable professional whenever the situation doesn’t improve. But the best thing to do, is to foster a real connection with the child exempt of manipulation and calculation tricks, unless they want to deteriorate the relationship with the child forever.

The most affected parents can decide to withdraw from their parental responsibility by confiding the child if minor to the other mate, or a relatable member of the family, or outright give the underage child to an orphaned or for the adoption.  WHATEVER the decision, as long as it smoothes the parents without impeding the well-being of the child in the long run, it will be the best possible choice to make.

Last but not least concerning the root causes of serious issues between parents and children, if you dislike a woman, don’t make her the mother of your child, you will also dislike the child, same applies to women. If you dislike a man, don’t make him the father of your child, you will also dislike the child no matter how well the child behaves towards you.  Let’s not complicate the life of innocent beings and ours by bearing convenience children or worse by letting them be raised by a partner that hates the biological father or mother of the child. The fallouts of such choices are not only devastating in the lives of the biological and adoptive parents but also in the society they live in, furthermore in everything the targets of such behaviors are interested or involved in.  Stated differently,

1. If the biological mother or father of the child that is raised by a woman or man hating her or him is a politician, the whole political cast might shift into different ways of doing politics in the future.
2. If the parent is wealthy, millionaire or billionaire, the elite society might be endangered,
3. If the parent is an intellectual or a researcher, the future inventions or innovations might reflect the total opposite of his life’s work or aspirations.
4. If the parent is known for his or her beauty features, the coming standards of beauty might be made to destroy what he or she represented initially. Precisely, if he or she is appreciated for shining naturally, or being cute, or having a great body, or simply being sensually attractive, the system elaborated to destroy him or she will be in favor of standards and people advocating for a beauty, a complexion, a physique or sex-appeal that are fake, stealth, biased, or literally destroyed.
5. And if the parent is a fervent believer or has some values he or she stands for, the system created to destroy him or her will try to sabotage each of his or her values or spiritual gift, by enforcing the new standard, which is among others, to subdue the saints, the aristocracy, the kings and queens, and the justice cast.

What I want you to retain from the above IS that, it’s not because you don’t see the seriousness of a situation yet, that a storm is not brewing. Also, it’s not because you don’t realize the consequences of your actions yet, that they might not feed chaos. Would you have the humility to recognize where you did wrong? Would you correct the shot direction and play your partition correctly? Or can we all continue to live in this world at the dawn of a third revolution where there will be no potable water, no compassion, no justice, no equity, no one assuming his or her deeds and unevitably no peace?!!

These are basics that are often neglected or discarded but are essential to avoid disasters in our lives. Until the next editing, let’s catch a good one.

Tina GUESSOU.