The Complaints of Wives on Marital Infidelity: Speech Act Analysis

The Complaints of Wives on Marital Infidelity: Speech Act Analysis

Gretchen Romano Alvarez, Mary Ann Tolentino Villarmino, Evangeline Hora-Alvarez

Agusan del Sur State College of Agriculture and Technology, Philippines

DOI: https://dx.doi.org/10.47772/IJRISS.2025.90600089

Received: 16 May 2025; Accepted: 20 May 2025; Published: 01 July 2025

ABSTRACT

The most vulnerable members of human society who are immensely affected by infidelity are women. To explore this premise, we applied speech act theory to examine wives’ complaints about marital infidelity, focusing on emotional and financial aspects and their coping mechanisms amid these challenges. In this pursuit, we utilized qualitative discourse analysis, and conducted in-depth interviews with ten married women, selected through snowball sampling. In the final analysis, we found a distinctive pattern in wives’ expressive speech acts, the explicit complaints are prevalent, indicating intense pain, betrayal, anger, sadness, confusion, depression, financial strains, lack of support, and the emotional burden of solo responsibilities. In contrast, wives often refrained from below the level of reproach, and accusation and warning complaints. In relation to Systemic Functional Linguistics (SFL), wives coping with infidelity rely heavily on regulatory expressions for guidance and direction and representational functions for sharing emotions and experiences. On the other hand, personal, interactional, and instrumental functions are less prevalent, indicating constrained individual growth, communal support, reluctance to engage in open conversations, and fewer explicit expressions of tangible actions. Our findings suggest that wives affected by infidelity should engage in open communication to address emotional and financial issues directly. Seeking support from counseling services can provide tailored guidance and practical advice to help them navigate these challenges.

Keywords: Speech act complaints; Wive’s complaint strategy; Wive’s coping mechanism; Systemic Functional Linguistics

INTRODUCTION

Background of the Study

Violence against women remains a critical issue in the Philippines, with 25% of Filipino women aged 15-49 experiencing physical, sexual, or emotional violence from their partners (Philippine Statistics Authority & ICF, 2018). The Philippine National Police reported 15,104 cases of violence against women in 2019 alone (Philippine Commission on Women, 2020). Marital infidelity, affecting up to 55% of Filipino marriages (Gonzales, 2019), has been identified as a significant risk factor for domestic violence. The emotional impact of infidelity on the betrayed spouse is profound, often leading to feelings of anger, hurt, humiliation, and fear (Leeker, 2011), which can potentially escalate into violent situations.

This study aims to investigate the sentiments of married women who are victims of marital infidelity in Bunawan, Agusan del Sur, focusing on cases where husbands have engaged in extramarital affairs and abandoned their parental responsibilities. By examining the nature and frequency of wives’ complaints regarding their husbands’ infidelity, this research seeks to understand how these grievances may contribute to domestic violence and identify potential intervention points. This study aligns with Sustainable Development Goal 5: Gender Equality, particularly target 5.2, which aims to eliminate all forms of violence against women in public and private spheres.

Through a nuanced exploration of wives’ experiences, this research will contribute to the academic understanding of the relationship between infidelity and domestic violence in the Philippine context. By providing a platform for women to share their stories, the study offers a therapeutic outlet for participants while gathering valuable data. Ultimately, this research aims to inform more effective strategies for supporting affected women, preventing the escalation of marital discord into abuse, and promoting gender equality in Philippine households. The findings may also contribute to the development of targeted interventions and policies to address the broader issue of violence against women in the Philippines.

Research Questions

Our study aimed to examine the speech act complaints of wives on marital infidelity.

Specifically, our study answered the following questions.

• What are the complaints of wives on marital infidelity in terms of emotional and financial aspects?
• How do wives cope with husband’s infidelity?

Theoretical Lens

Our study anchored the Speech act theory proposed by John Searle (1969) and the Functional Model of Language Theory (Halliday, 1975).

Speech Act Theory

Our study is anchored on examining the complaints of wives in Bunawan, Agusan del Sur. These complaints will be themed according to Searle’s Speech theory. Razzak and Jamil (2016) stated utterances of complaint acts vary in terms of their topics, degree, and responses. People select particular words and behaviors, relying on certain elements such as social status, gender, the relationship between the interlocutors, and the complexity of situations, to reveal their reactions to annoying events and reflect their feelings of dissatisfaction towards others, (Ayu & Sukyadi, 2011).  Bayat (2012) agreed the use of appropriate speech acts is gained through cultural experience to realize social relations. In other words, the way people produce speech acts depends on the context, and there are many influencing factors including gender (Tuncer and Turhan, 2019) and culture.

Our study aimed to examine the speech acts of complaints uttered by the wives in expressing their sentiments about their husband’s infidelity and their complaints in terms of emotional and financial aspects. The analysis of this study allows for a better understanding of the verbal components of women’s complaints, which is of research value in dealing with the speech acts of complaints in everyday communication (Dong, 2022).

Functional Model of Language Theory

Halliday (1975), a prominent linguist, proposed a functional approach to a language known as Systemic Functional Linguistics (SFL). He published the seven functions of language, which describe the way people use language, referring to these as ‘developmental functions’ or ‘micro functions.  He believes that language is not simply a collection of rules and labels for grammar, but it is a resource for making meaning through which we interactively shape and interpret our world and ourselves.

REVIEW OF RELATED LITERATURE

The violence against women and children is a common problem worldwide(Pinoy Attorney, 2023). In the Philippines, the government enacted Republic Act No. 9262, or the Anti-Violence Against Women and their Children Act (VAWC), in 2004. This law aimed to protect women and children from any forms of violence such act or a series of acts that result in physical, sexual, or psychological harm or suffering, economic abuse, and threats of such acts. Marital infidelity is a form of psychological abuse punishable by the law on violence against women, as mandated by the Philippine Supreme Court.

In the context of infidelity cases, particularly in the Philippines, involving families, children are often entangled in these narratives of infidelity and sordid affairs (Singuan et al., 2021). Regarding financial matters, spouses are obligated to support each other (Article 195, Family Code). Support encompasses everything indispensable for sustenance, dwelling, clothing, medical attendance, education, and transportation, aligned with the family’s financial capacity (Article 194, Family Code).

Ordoñez (2021) highlighted the evident psychological trauma when their daughter wept in open court while narrating her father’s infidelity. The court noted that she was deeply hurt because her father had another family and loved another woman. The man violated the RA 9262 because he abandoned his family causing his child’s emotional damage. The wife found out her husband’s affair while she was working in Singapore and revealed that he had a child with his mistress. When she learned that her husband and his “querida” started living together, she sought assistance from the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) and filed a case against them.

In Nigeria, Parikh (2007) found that expectations of modern lifestyles and luxuries require economic means that many men are not able to acquire, yet wealth remains an important part of masculine identity. Engaging in extramarital relationships offers some men an alternative route to masculine identity. While boasting about one’s economic abilities is a typical courtship maneuver, many men are often unable to provide the lifestyles and luxuries they promised before marriage, leading to complaints from wives and marital conflicts. Most wives in our marital life history sample suspected that their husbands either currently had extramarital partners or had partners in the past, expressing disapproval of these liaisons.

Stieglitz, Gurven, Kaplan, and Winking (2011) showed that Tsimanese wives frequently complain to their husbands about suspected infidelity. A husband’s infidelity is associated with a significantly greater likelihood of wife abuse in the past year, controlling for other factors. The study found that wives married to husbands who had affairs in the past year are significantly more likely to report being jealous of their husbands. In addition, the analysis suggests that wife abuse is over five times greater if a husband had an affair. Wives’ complaints to husbands are considered mate retention efforts, attempting to obstruct current and future male infidelity and resource diversions (Buss, 1988; Lindová, 2022).

However, Scroop (2017) stated that Filipinos often communicate indirectly in order to prevent a loss of face and evoking “hiya” or shame on either side of an exchange. On the other hand, Tannen (1990), as cited by Reigstad (2023), has emphasized the importance of direct communication styles in addressing relational issues. According to De Dios (1995) as cited by Seligmann, 2001) cultural expectations of women to be nurturing and patient may influence the way they communicate issues of infidelity, potentially leading them to opt for more indirect approaches.

While previous studies have explored the impact of marital infidelity and women’s complaints, this study focuses on examining the speech act complaints of wives on marital infidelity. As part of language use, speech acts are crucial because they convey different functions, like apologizing or complaining. Yuniarti and Wijaya (2013) highlighted the research value of analyzing women’s complaints in everyday communication. Similarly, this study aims to examine the speech act complaints used by wives regarding marital infidelity.

Dong (2022), in his study on “A sequential study of female complaint speech acts in Desperate Housewives,” identified speech acts of complaint expressed by the character Susan in response to her cheating husband. The pre-sequence explained that Susan wanted an apology for Karl’s cheating in marriage, but Karl refused. Furthermore, Karl claimed that it was a form of self-humiliation for Susan. In the root sequence, Susan, irritated by Karl’s words, complained that she would not be humiliated. Instead, she expressed her dissatisfaction and resentment towards Karl in a strong tone. Because both sides refused to give in, the entire complaining atmosphere reached its peak.

Coping with Infidelity

Infidelity can bring a great deal of emotional grief to the deceived spouse; therefore, must have support for emotional healing caused by her husbands’ infidelity. Rokach and Sha’ked (2013) states that the interpersonal isolation dimension of loneliness addresses the feelings of alienation, abandonment, and rejection that are commonly related to a general lack of close relationships. As for Dykstra (2009), a person’s quality of life will often be mediated by the quality of social domain, such as interaction with their community, the presence of social networks, and participation and engagement in the social world. Furthermore, Cohen (2004), as cited in McLean, Gaul, and Penco, 2022) provided a thorough picture of the importance of social support. He also added that this kind of support gives them ―psychological and material resources intended to benefit their ability to cope with stress.

In the Philippines, Gonzales et al. (2004) study about the “Sources of Resilience in the Filipino Wife’s Responses to Spousal Infidelity”  mentioned that the sources of resilience for the Filipino wife are varied: faith and prayer in religion, friends and family, professional counselors and psychiatrists, priests, education, work, and personal care.

On the other hand, McCann Erickson Philippines (1996), as cited by Alampay (2013) economic independence, coupled with a passion for caring for their children, emerges as a probable source of resilience for Filipino wives. Jurilla (1986) as cited by Gonzales (2004) added that the low-income wives turn to their neighbors for support when there are problems, like infidelity. The higher income wives find resources or support by talking it over with “a friend, relative, counselor, priest, lawyer or even hire a detective before making any confrontation.” Alano (1995) and Relucio (1995) as cited by Gonzales (2004) confirm the findings of Jurilla with regard to how the Filipino wife, rich or poor, finds support with significant persons. They added that one can see the openness of the Filipino wife to expand her horizon beyond the experience of her husband’s infidelity. Family support and the focus of attention become a resource for a wife.

Allen (2018) in her study ‘‘In Covenant: A Grounded Theory Exploration of What Helps Evangelical Marriages Recover After Sexual Infidelity by the Husband’’ found the six major findings based on the analysis of the data included developing healthy communication, obtaining support and accountability, maintaining physical distance from the other woman, practicing security-priming behaviors, establishing God as a secure base, and finding a source of hope. On the other hand, Fife, Weeks, and Stellberg-Filbert (2007) agreed that couples can become reunified, and trust may be restored as couples work through the process of forgiveness. They emphasized that forgiveness is facilitated as therapists and clients focus on four unifying factors: empathy, humility, commitment, and apology.

In Iran, Jafari’s (2016) study about “Belief in Just World and Future Orientation in Women with the Experience of Husband’s Infidelity: Spiritual/Religious Coping as a Mediator”, the results showed that belief in just world directly has relationships with future orientation and indirectly relationship through the mediator role of positive and negative spiritual/religious coping with future orientation. She also added that since most of the time, the husband’s infidelity, because of the Iranian culture, does not result in separation and ultimately divorce and as soon as the husband expresses remorse and stops being infidel, the couple’s life continues together. It is also manifested that women’s hopelessness and pessimism when it comes to beliefs in a just world block a serious effort for the creation of a desired condition or adjustment to the situation, they are in. They believe that because God provided the new predicament to them as a challenge, He will also send the solution.

Suhailah and Afiatin (2020) study about “The Dynamics of Family Psychological Strength in Wives Whose Husbands Have Affairs” showed that there were efforts to draw oneself closer to Allah and improve the quality of self, and social support played an essential role in dealing with their infidelity cases. Teamwork and the active role of each family member were needed to achieve conducive conditions and family strength. Family strength was viewed from the aspects of appreciation and affection, commitment, positive communication, enjoyable time together, spiritual well-being, and the ability to cope with stress and crisis. Sunarti (2017) agreed that family strength is the ability of a family to solve problems by utilizing the resources they have to meet their family needs. In this case, the family will have three types of strength, namely physical strength, social strength, and psychological strength.

Chi, Tang, Worthington, Chan, Lam, and Lin (2019) study “Intrapersonal and Interpersonal Facilitators of Forgiveness Following Spousal Infidelity: A Stress and Coping Perspective” revealed that solidarity-oriented personality and perceived partner’s reconciliation motivation facilitated benign attributions and empathy, then facilitated higher levels of decisional forgiveness, which promoted emotional forgiveness. The strength of marital bond before the infidelity directly predicted higher levels of emotional forgiveness. Forgiveness includes processes that involve a decision to stop bitterness and thoughts of revenge (decisional forgiveness), which further motivates the forgiver toward the restoration of positive emotions (emotional forgiveness).m

Eatemadi, Bigdeli, Mashhadi, and Shamlo (2022) in their study results showed that women with less experience with husband’s infidelity use less effective coping styles and inefficient coping. Thus, reforming women’s coping styles in the face of this family crisis can reduce its adverse effects on the institution of the family and society as a whole.

METHODOLOGY

Our study utilized a discourse qualitative research design. This examines the speech acts of complaints of wives on their husbands’ infidelity. Our study participants were the ten married women in Bunawan, Agusan del Sur, selected through snowball sampling. Additionally, face-to-face interviews were conducted at a convenient location, recorded, and transcribed for analysis. This approach aimed to uphold ethical standards and ensure a robust research outcome. The data source of our study was the utterances of wives collected through unstructured interviews with interview guide questions. Discourse analysis is anchored to the speech act (Searle, 1969), and systemic functional linguistics (Halliday, 1975).

RESULTS

The Complaints of Wives on Marital Infidelity

Based on the results, we have identified three themes for the speech act complaints of wives regarding marital infidelity, encompassing emotional and financial aspects. Additionally, the second set of data has revealed five themes focusing on how wives cope with their husbands’ infidelity. Table 1 presents the complaints of wives on marital infidelity in terms of emotional and financial aspects. Table 1.1 presents the themes and categories of complaints proposed by Olshtain and Weinbach (1988) for emotional issues, while Table 1.2 does the same for financial concerns. The table 2 present how wives cope with husbands’ infidelity.

In Bunawan, Agusan del Sur, the wives’ voiced complaints are manifestations of their immense struggles in marital infidelity specifically in emotional and financial aspects. They are silently crying inside and continuously suffering because of their husbands’ actions. These complaints reflect the deep emotional pain and turmoil they endure, often without outwardly expressing the full extent of their anguish. The silent suffering emphasizes a significant psychological, emotional, and financial burden, as the wives grapple with feelings of betrayal and loss of trust in their marital relationships. This internalized distress not only affects their emotional well-being but also has broader implications for their mental health and overall quality of life. Table 1 presents the complaints of wives on marital infidelity in terms of emotional and financial aspects.

Based on our analysis, the wives are affected by their husbands’ infidelity expressed heartfelt complaints in terms of emotional and financial aspects. They voiced their grievances about broken trust, lack of accountability, and anger, leading them to utter explicit complaints, below the level of reproach, accusation, and warning, in expressing emotional grievances regarding marital infidelity. These complaints stress the need for understanding and support in navigating the aftermath of infidelity. Table 1.1 presents the analysis of the complaints of wives on marital infidelity in terms of emotional aspect.

Table 1.1. Complaints of Wives on Marital Infidelity in Emotional Aspect

Out of the five categories suggested by Weinbach and Olshtain (1988), we identified three (3) complaint categories: explicit complaint, below the level of reproach, and accusation and warning in expressing emotional grievances regarding marital infidelity.

Explicit Complaints

Based on our analysis, the highest prevalent complaint is explicit complaints. In the realm of marital infidelity, explicit complaints become particularly pronounced as individuals struggle with the profound emotional and relational implications of betrayal. Explicit complaints may manifest as spouses openly voicing their distress and dissatisfaction regarding specific actions or behaviors related to infidelity. Explicit communication allows individuals to articulate the precise nature of their concerns, whether it be the discovery of intimate messages, clandestine meetings, or other unmistakable signs of infidelity.

WC2 had been married twice, first at 23 in civil and 24 in Catholic ceremony and was blessed with two children. However, her husband suddenly appeared to lose interest in her. She suspected that he was having an extra-marital affair. After ten years of marriage, he dared to deceive her. Frustrated and hurt by this betrayal, she explicitly voiced her complaint.

“Sakit kaayo pamation nga ikaw asawa dili naka niya pansinon nga daw hangin!” WC2 (L25-26)

(It hurts when your spouse doesn’t seem to notice you, like the wind passing by!)

In this explicit complaint, WC2 conveys her profound distress upon discovering her husband’s extramarital affair, expressing a deep sense of emotional neglect, and feeling invisible within the confines of their marital relationship. The use of the phrase “Sakit kaayo” intensifies the gravity of her emotions, underscoring the significant pain and frustration she experiences. The revelation that her husband treats her as if she were invisible serves as compelling evidence, supporting her belief that his secret involvement in an extramarital affair has led to a loss of interest in their relationship. The additional layer of complexity arises from the fact that they have been married twice, both legally and religiously, and share two children. This explicit complaint features direct accusations, illustrating the speaker’s profound desire for attention, recognition, and emotional connection.

Below the Level of Reproach

Wives’ complaints about marital infidelity least frequently involve expressions of below the level of reproach, showcasing a nuanced approach that avoids direct blame. These subtle grievances delicately convey concerns, focusing on emotional or practical consequences without overt accusations. Such emotional complaints are scarce among wives dealing with marital infidelity, given the dense and severe nature of these relationships. In two instances, wives addressed emotional aspects without overt reproach, revealing a measured approach to communicating their distress following their spouses’ betrayal.

WC9 married at the age of 18 with three children aged 3, 2, and 1 when she found out about her husband’s affair with his ex-girlfriend three years into their marriage. Despite pleading with him to return and asking the mistress to reconsider for the sake of their children, both refused. Realizing that WC9 can’t save their marriage, she expressed:

“Ang life unfair man dawaton nalang nato nga diha rami taman gyod.” WC9 (L71-72)

(Life seems unfair; we just have to accept that our relationship ends there.)

WC9’s response to her husband’s infidelity is a poignant acknowledgment, expressing a complaint below the level of reproach. It reflects a deep acceptance of life’s perceived unfairness and the inevitable end of the relationship without explicitly blaming or reproaching her husband for the infidelity. The focus is on acknowledging the situation rather than assigning blame, showcasing WC9’s resilience and thoughtful contemplation amid emotional complexities. Her ability to navigate these challenges is evident in her current positive life, where she found a new partner, returned to school at the age of 32, and is raising a family with a two-year-old son, while her older children pursue higher education.

Accusation and Warning

On the other hand, accusations and warnings were notably infrequent, with wives expressing only one instance despite the severity of the situation. Explicit complaints surmounted accusations, warnings, expressions of annoyance or disapproval, and those below the level of reproach and immediate threat. The scarcity of accusations and warnings may reflect a measured approach in addressing the infidelity. Only one instance belongs to the category of accusation and warning, highlighting the preference for more nuanced communication despite the challenging circumstances.

WC8 was married in Catholic Church for about 13 years when she discovered that her husband had another woman. As a store business owner, she refused to marry again because she prioritized her two children. As of now, her husband has not remarried. Among the other participants, only WC8 solely expressed accusation and warning towards her husband:

“If ever kita sya ug lain unta dili niya buhaton ang gibuhat sa akoa!”  WC8 (L37-38)

(If ever he meets someone else, I hope he won’t do what he did to me!)

This statement is a direct and assertive expression of the wife’s expectations and boundaries in the relationship. It communicates a clear warning to the husband about the consequences of repeating past actions and emphasizes the importance of fidelity and commitment in the context of their marriage. The straightforward language and tone indicate a firm stance on what is considered acceptable behavior in the relationship.

Contrastingly, wives’ expressions on marital infidelity concerning to financial matters represent a singular category of complaint, characterized by a notable prevalence of 21 explicit instances. This high frequency underscores the significance of financial concerns as a salient aspect of the grievances articulated by wives facing issues of aftermath of infidelity. Table 1.2 presents the complaints of wives on marital infidelity in terms of financial aspect.

Table 1.2. Complaints of Wives on Marital Infidelity in Financial Aspect.

Explicit Complaints

Our analysis showed most wives expressed explicit complaints regarding financial matters related to marital infidelity. WC3 married at the age of 27 in the Catholic Church. After three years, she discovered her husband’s affair, leading to their separation. She is working as a cashier in a small company, and her salary proved insufficient to meet her children’s educational needs. Faced with financial challenges, she approached her ex-husband, appealing for support in securing their children’s education. However, her husband provided no support, prompting her explicit complaint:

“Duha ang among anak nga nag- eskwela moabot gyod ang panahon nga hikahos ka, so kailangan nimo moadto sa iya kay mangayo’g sustento pero ingnon ta walay mahatag!” WC3 (L62-66)

(We have two children who are studying, and there are times that I am empty handed. So, I need to approach him to ask for support, but he says he has nothing to give!)

The explicit complaint from WC3 addresses the financial challenges of sustaining her two children’s education after her ex-husband’s infidelity. She directly communicates the impending difficulties, emphasizing the need for financial support. The explicit nature is evident in her direct acknowledgment of expecting him to contribute to the children’s well-being, adding clarity to her plea post-marital challenges. As of now she is 36 years old, she works in a call center, dedicated to providing for her children, having not remarried.

The dissatisfaction expressed in these complaints suggests a significant role of financial aspects in straining relationships affected by marital infidelity. Perceiving a spouse as financially irresponsible or neglectful intensifies the emotional impact of the infidelity. The wives’ explicit complaints purposefully address the tangible consequences of their husbands’ actions, including financial strains, lack of support, and the emotional burden of solo responsibilities. The direct communication style reflects a necessity to assert grievances clearly in the face of betrayal.

How Wives Cope with Husbands’ Infidelity

Applying Michael Halliday’s seven functions of language, we have examined how do wives utilize different language functions as coping mechanisms in response to their husband’s infidelity. Through our analysis, we identified five (5) functions—Regulatory, Representational, Personal, Instrumental, and Interactional—that play distinct roles in shaping the communication strategies and coping mechanisms adopted by women navigating the challenges of marital infidelity.

Despite facing numerous challenges, wives in Bunawan, Agusan del Sur demonstrated remarkable resilience in coping with their husbands’ infidelity. Their expressions, analyzed through various linguistic functions, reveal the depth of their emotional responses and the strategies they employ to navigate this difficult situation. These expressions serve different functions, from regulatory, representational, personal, instrumental, and interactional. They highlight the wives’ ability to seek understanding, express their emotions, and find ways to cope and heal, showcasing their strength and determination in times of difficulties. Table 2 presents the analysis of how do wives cope with husbands’ infidelity.

Table 2. How Wives Cope with Husbands’ Infidelity.

Regulatory Function

The prevalence of regulatory guidance in response to marital infidelity suggests an active effort to influence actions and choices. In the context of coping with betrayal, individuals, starting with themselves, adopt a proactive approach by offering specific directives and behavioral regulation. Wives emphasize the importance of resilience, faith, self-improvement, forgiveness, positive thinking, and seeking support as strategies for coping with challenges. Wives maintained to stay strong, trust in God, take positive actions, forgive, maintain a positive outlook, and seek support from various sources.

WC10, who discovered her husband’s affair almost a year into their marriage, managed to overcome the emotional tumult. She had a two-year-old and a one-year-old child at the time when the affair was revealed. Her husband’s vices, such as drinking alcohol, prevented him to support their children’s needs adequately. Despite the emotional and financial challenges stemming from her husband’s infidelity, WC10, now an Overseas Filipino worker (OFW), encourages wives experiencing similar situations to navigate through these difficulties as she urges to:

“Dili magpawala sa paglaum.” WC10 (L94)

(Don’t lose hope.)

In the broader context of coping mechanisms concerning how wives overcome with the painful experience caused by their husbands’ affair, regulatory functions like “Dili magpawala sa paglaum” contribute to the overall resilience and strength demonstrated by individuals dealing with marital infidelity. These regulatory statements guide and inspire individuals to face challenges, avoid succumbing to sorrow, and seek opportunities for personal and familial advancement in the midst of difficult circumstances.

Representational Function

The representational function, ranking second in prevalence, is evident in the utterances through the sharing of personal experiences and conveying information. In the context of coping with marital infidelity, this function becomes crucial for articulating emotions, narrating stories, and seeking understanding. The wives shared how they overcame obstacles by prioritizing family, acknowledging the vastness of the world and its opportunities, maintaining perspective, finding personal growth through experiences, and attributing meaning and lessons to life events.

WC6, 65 years old, married in a Catholic church at the age of 20. They decided to marry in 1981, and she was pregnant at that time. However, she discovered that her husband had cheated on her after a decade of marriage, despite already having three children. Fifteen years later, her husband formed a new family with the mistress, and even though he financially supported them, she decided to go back to studying to keep herself busy and cope with all the pain she had.

WC6 showcases representational function as she says:

“Ay, eskwela ko’g balik mao tong way nako para mag overcome, time flies so fast na maestra na dayon ko.” WC6 (L44-46)

(I returned to school because that was the only way for me to overcome, time flies so fast, and now I am a teacher.)

The wife’s statement, “Ay, eskwela ko’g balik mao tong way nako para mag overcome, time flies so fast na maestra na dayon ko” exemplifies the representational function of language as a coping mechanism for a wife dealing with her husband’s infidelity. The wife communicates a pivotal life event—her return to school—as a proactive measure to overcome emotional challenges. This phrase signifies a tangible action taken, symbolizing not just academic pursuit but also personal growth and empowerment. The mention of time passing underscores a transformative journey, highlighting the wife’s resilience and determination in addressing the profound impact of marital difficulties.

Personal Function

The personal function served as the least prevalent, revealing that wives cope by articulating their emotions, affirming individual growth, and focusing on self-empowerment—a transformative journey towards resilience.

WC4, 44 years old, got married at the age of 21. For about 12 years, she discovered that her husband cheated on her three times. The twelve years of marriage were characterized by lies and deceit due to her husband’s infidelity on three separate occasions. After learning and overcoming from those tribulations, she expressed:

“Nagpagwapa sa akong kaugalingon. atleast, finally, I am free!” WC4 (L126-127)

(I focused on beautifying myself. At least, finally, I am free!)

After 15 years, WC4’s husband passed away, and she focused on working as a saleslady in a clothing department to support her children. Although facing several challenges in her marriage, she successfully navigated through them, emerging stronger. Her statement, “I focused on beautifying myself. The statement, “At least, finally, I am free!” exemplifies the personal function of language. Here, language is employed to articulate personal emotions and coping strategies. WC4’s emphasis on self-beautification symbolically conveys the act of reclaiming her identity and experiencing liberation from emotional suppressions resulting from her infidel partner. The phrase “Finally, I am free!” epitomize the essence of personal growth and emotional emancipation achieved through intentional self-improvement.

Interactional Function

Simultaneously, the interactional function also emerged as the least prevalent. The wives engage in open conversations, seeking understanding and support from others. WC1, age 39, got married at 22, and her husband started cheating after 5 years of marriage, not just once, but thrice. She discovered the infidelity after 8 years, and the situation worsened as her husband made his mistress pregnant, causing devastation, especially since they have two children. Despite all of this, WC1 remains grateful because there are people who are willing to listen, and she has her kids beside her. She expressed:

“Pero nagapasalamat gihapon ko sa mga tao nga andam mopatambag, andam mo-comfort, ug labaw sa tanan, akong mga anak nga andam maminaw.”  WC1 (L126-130).

(But I am still thankful to people who are willing to comfort, and help, and especially my children who are ready to listen).

In this expression, the wife adopts an interactional function by conveying gratitude and appreciation. Despite confronting challenging circumstances, the wife takes a moment to acknowledge and express gratitude to people around them. She is not only communicating her emotions but also establishing a connection with the people around her and her kids. This interactional function serves to strengthen social bonds, fostering a sense of community and mutual understanding, as the wife recognizes the willingness of others to offer support and lend an empathetic ear during difficult times.

Instrumental Function

Similarly, the instrumental function considered as the least prevalent among the identified language functions in the coping mechanisms of wives dealing with marital infidelity, indicating a reduced emphasis on explicit practical strategies. Wives show a nuanced approach with limited explicit expressions of tangible actions, aligning with a more complex and emotionally oriented coping process.

WC2 expressed disappointment with her indifferent husband who failed to handle financial support within the family. Her disappointment stemmed from his prioritization of financial assistance to his parents over his own family.

“Mag invest ko sa akong sarili, gusto ko mag-abroad para sa akong mga anak.”

WC2 (L87-88)

(I will invest in myself, and I want to work abroad for the sake of my children.)

The instrumental function is evident in the wife’s expression as a coping mechanism to her husband’s infidelity. In this context, language functions as a practical tool, extending beyond communication to convey the wife’s determination to achieve financial independence and secure a better future for her children. The utterance serves as an instrument, articulating her decision to invest in herself through employment abroad, emphasizing language’s pragmatic role in expressing concrete plans and actions for specific goals, notably the well-being of herself and her children.

To sum up, those who have experienced infidelity, particularly in emotional and financial aspects, tend to voice explicit complaints than employ the strategies of below the level of reproach, and accusation and warning. The data in Figure 1 illustrate the prevalence on the complaints of wives about marital infidelity.

Figure 1. The Prevalence of Speech Act of Complaints of Wives on Marital Infidelity

In our study, most wives predominantly employed direct complaints, specifically explicit complaints, to address emotional and financial issues arising from marital infidelity. Our final analysis identified a total of seventy-nine (79) direct complaints, with fifty-seven (57) falling under the category of explicit complaints related to emotional aspects, indicating intense pain, betrayal, anger, sadness, confusion, and depression. Additionally, twenty-one (21) explicit complaints highlighted financial strains, lack of support, and the emotional burden of solo responsibilities. Additionally, only one (1) accusation and warning, reflecting a straightforward and clear expression of their grievances. In contrast, indirect complaints were less frequent, with only two (2) instances falling below the level of reproach. These findings emphasize wives’ preference for direct and explicit communication when articulating their emotional and financial concerns related to marital challenges.

On the other hand, wives employed several language functions—regulatory, representational, personal, interactional, and instrumental,—each playing a distinct role in shaping their communication strategies and coping mechanisms in the face of marital infidelity. Figure 2 illustrates the prevalence of these language functions as utilized by wives to cope with their husbands’ infidelity.

Figure 2. The Prevalence of Language Functions Used by Wives to Cope with their Husbands’ Infidelity

The coping mechanisms for marital infidelity prominently rely on regulatory expressions (17), emphasizing guidance and direction. Representational functions, the second most prevalent (7), play a crucial role in articulating emotions and sharing experiences, fostering shared understanding. The personal (3) and interactional (3), instrumental functions (2)  serve as the least prevalent functions, indicating less individual growth, communal support, the wives’ reluctance to engage in open conversations to seek understanding and support from others, as well as limited explicit expressions of tangible actions. This diverse use of language functions emphasizes the complex and multifaceted nature of coping with marital infidelity.

DISCUSSION

Speech Act Complaints of Wives on Marital Infidelity

Based on the results, we identified the complaints expressed by married women regarding their husbands’ infidelity, specifically focusing on emotional and financial aspects. These complaints encompass both direct and indirect forms of expression, with a notable prevalence of direct complaints, particularly in the explicit complaints category. Indirect complaints, which fall below the level of reproach, as well as accusations and warnings, were among the least prevalent forms identified. Our analysis revealed that wives tend to employ more direct forms of communication when articulating their grievances about marital infidelity.

In our study, most wives predominantly expressed explicit complaints, with a notable emphasis on emotional aspects. The emotional statements often conveyed feelings of neglect, frustration, and pain, indicating a deep emotional turmoil caused by their husbands’ actions. These explicit complaints involved direct assertions, expressing the intensity of emotional distress and the negative impact of infidelity on the marital relationship.

Schneider et al. (2012) stated that the overwhelming emotions, some of which are universally felt or shared by persons with the same experience of being cheated on, include feelings of mistrust, which are expressed through regret, knowing how much trust was placed into the marriage and was wasted; feelings of disappointment, which is expressed through thoughts of what-ifs and usually driven by the crushed image of his or her partner. Similarly, confusion, grief, physical discomfort, sadness, indignation, and even rage are all common reactions to the pain of betrayal (Litner, 2020) when you find out your partner has cheated on you.

In addition, Astuti and Lestare’s (2022) study mentioned that the experience of divorce due to a husband’s infidelity profoundly impacts a woman’s life. Their study revealed that women who divorced because of infidelity faced psychological challenges, including feelings of inferiority and worthlessness, fear and worry about the future, sadness and misery, regret, and disappointment due to unmet expectations, anger, hate, and heartache, as well as a sense of hopelessness and difficulty trusting men due to feeling betrayed.

Moreover, our study also revealed that most wives’ complaints stress the crucial impact of financial issues in relationships strained by infidelity. Seeing a spouse as financially neglectful worsens the emotional toll. The wives’ direct complaints address financial hardships, lack of support, and the burden of solo responsibilities, reflecting the need to assert their grievances clearly.

Wives explicitly voiced their complaints due to financial hardship resulting from their husbands’ infidelity. Mutuku (2018) opined that wives who experience financial decline due to their husbands’ infidelity and subsequent divorce are likely to feel poor or face financial difficulties. The financial impact of divorce manifests in the individual’s behavior when the relationship ends.

In the Philippines, involving families, children are often entangled in these narratives of infidelity and sordid affairs (Singuan et al., 2021). Regarding financial matters, spouses are obliged to support each other (Article 195, Family Code). Family support encompasses everything indispensable for sustenance, dwelling, clothing, medical attendance, education, and transportation, aligned with the family’s financial capacity (Article 194, Family Code).

However, wives often end up bearing the sole responsibility for their children, as husbands refuse to provide support, leaving their wives with the burden. This situation often leads wives to express their frustrations through explicit complaints. The lack of financial supports and wives’ burden of solo responsibilities added to the emotional tumult experience by wives after the relation ends or after the marriage is annulled. According to Trivedi et al. (2009) mentioned that during divorce, women often have no access to their husbands’ savings or earnings, and many cannot afford adequate legal representation to secure financial support from their ex-husbands (Trivedi et al., 2009).

On the other hand, Pour’s (2019) analysis revealed that children, non-infidel partner, and family experience unpleasant consequences due to infidelity. The children of these couples are the silent victims of marital infidelity and they are called children of infidelity (Nogales et al., 2021). They react to marital infidelity with intense feelings of anger, increased anxiety, guilt, sadness, and confusion (Callander 2015).

Therefore, as mentioned by Rathi and Pachauri’s (2017) study concluded that women who are divorced due to husbands’ infidelity often faced various difficulties and challenges related to social, familial, financial, emotional, and psychological problems. Marital infidelity will lead to shock, disbelief, denial, beatings, murder, suicide (Fincham and May, 2017), marital dysfunctions in parenting roles, job problems, (Gordon and Baucom, and Snyder, 2005), family breakdown, and separation of couple (Jahan et al., 2017).

Following Searle’s (1976) typology, as cited by Ronan (2015), complaints fall under expressive speech acts, reflecting approval or disapproval. Wives’ explicit complaints express emotional distress, serving as a cathartic outlet for feelings like neglect and frustration. Accusations and warnings can be assertive speech acts, attributing responsibility for the negative impact of infidelity. Statements below reproach may involve commissive or expressive speech acts, revealing nuanced emotional responses.

Olshtain and Weinbach (1987), as cited by Fadhil (2018), outlined five main severities of complaints based on the speaker’s position regarding the hearer’s face, categorized by linguistic features. These severities range from the least severe, below the level of reproach, to the most severe, immediate threat. It is suggested that these five strategies are the five major strategies that identify the speech set of complaints. In other words, when the preconditions for complaining occur, the speaker selects to reflect his/her feelings verbally, then any one of these five options exist for the realization of the complaining speech act (Fadhil, 2018).

Furthermore, the preference of explicit complaints of wives’ verbal expressions associated with Razzak and Jamil’s (2016) study, they stressed that the diversity in complaint acts in terms of topics, degree, and responses. Our study aligns with this variability, suggesting that the choice of wives to employ explicit complaints on emotional aspects may be attributed to the nuanced nature of emotions in the context of infidelity, which is complex and deeply rooted in personal experiences. This makes explicit complaints a preferred mode of expression to convey the intensity and specific nature of their grievances related to marital infidelity. Tannen (1990) as cited by Reigstad (2023), has emphasized the importance of direct communication styles in addressing relational issues.

On the other hand, our study also revealed that wives refrained from expressing indirect complaints, such as below the level of reproach, which reflects the cultural expectation for wives to express their grievances indirectly. According to De Dios (1995) as cited by Seligmann (2001), cultural expectations of women to be nurturing and patient may influence the way they communicate issues of infidelity, potentially leading them to opt for more indirect approaches.

Scroop (2017) added that Filipinos often communicate indirectly to prevent a loss of face and evoke “hiya” or shame on either side of an exchange. They tend to avoid interrupting others and are more attentive to posture, expression, and tone of voice to draw meaning. The presence of statements falling below the level of reproach highlights a diverse emotional response among participants. However, only few a wives exhibited a sense of acceptance and resignation, possibly indicating a coping mechanism or a willingness to understand the complexities of their emotions in the context of infidelity.

However, solely the wife explicitly accused and warned their unfaithful husband, indicating a lower frequency of direct warnings and accusations in our study. Yet, this singular statement conveyed a clear expectation of fidelity and a warning about the consequences of repeating past actions. Direct complaints may be perceived as a way for Filipino women to assert their dignity and self-respect. By openly expressing their dissatisfaction, they may be taking a proactive stance to ensure that their feelings and concerns are acknowledged and respected.

In the realm of wives expressing explicit complaints, the speech acts unfold as multifaceted tools encompassing various linguistic expressions. Among the prominent speech acts of category by Weinbach and Olshtain (1988) as cited by Félix-Brasdefer (2024) are explicit complaints, accusations, warnings, and statements falling below the level of reproach, proposed. These acts collectively serve as linguistic mechanisms through which wives convey their emotional turmoil, dissatisfaction, and expectations, as well as financial complaints following marital infidelity.  This framework offers insights into how wives navigate the aftermath of marital infidelity, considering both emotional and potentially financial dimensions. Implicit signals, viewed as indirect speech acts, showcase the influence of cultural and individual factors on communication styles.

Coping with Husband’s Infidelity

Our study also examined how wives cope with the challenges posed by their husbands’ infidelity, revealing diverse communication strategies employed to cope with the emotional and financial aftermath. Women, when faced with infidelity, utilize various ways of expressing their feelings, ranging from sharing information and seeking empowerment to express emotions. This study not only sheds light on these coping mechanisms but also provides valuable insights for creating effective support systems for married women dealing with infidelity.

The result of our study revealed that the regulatory function of wives’ utterances provides directives for coping with challenges, including praying to God, maintaining hope, staying positive, seeking support, and focusing on personal growth and forgiveness. Gonzales et al.’s (2004) study about the “Sources of Resilience in the Filipino Wife’s Responses to Spousal Infidelity” highlighted that the sources of resilience for the Filipino wife are varied: faith and prayer in religion, friends and family, professional counselors and psychiatrists, priests, education, work, and personal care.

Meanwhile, our research highlights the representational function, ranking second in prevalence, as evident in the utterances through the sharing of personal experiences and conveying information. In the context of coping with marital infidelity, this function becomes crucial for articulating emotions, narrating stories, and seeking understanding. Sharing personal experiences has been associated with emotional catharsis, building empathy, and fostering social support, all of which can be crucial in coping with challenging situations (Pennebaker, 1997; Rimé, 2009) such as marital infidelity. It allows wives to navigate and communicate their experiences, contributing to shared understanding and insights into coping strategies. However, according to Carver et al. (1989) as cited by Litman (2006), it is essential to note that not everyone finds externalizing emotions or experiences helpful.

On the other hand, the personal and interactional function, serves as the least prevalent functions, highlighting individual growth, communal support, and cognitive coping strategies, and they also engage in open conversations to seek understanding and support from others. Similarly, instrumental serves as the least prevalent, indicating a reduced emphasis on explicit practical strategies like wanting to work abroad rooted in financial strains resulting from husbands’ irresponsibilities.

The personal function (the ‘here I come’ function), serves as a  coping mechanism, enabling wives to express their personal feelings, emotions, and experiences to process and articulate internal struggles. Through this personal expression, women can attain clarity, self-understanding, and heightened awareness of their emotional well-being. This coping strategy empowers wives to take ownership of their feelings and engage in self-care practices, fostering emotional resilience and personal growth. Many wives focus on self-improvement through financial independence and express themselves openly, contributing to their coping mechanisms.

In the context of coping mechanisms for wives dealing with the emotional and financial repercussions of pre- and post-infidelity, the interactional function (the ‘Me and You’ function) emphasizes the importance of social interaction and communication. Women need to engage in conversations, seek advice, and share experiences with others. Cohen (2004), as cited in McLean, Gaul and Penco (2022) provided a thorough picture of the importance of social support. He also added that this kind of support gives them ―psychological and material resources intended to benefit their ability to cope with stress. This function serves as a means of building connections, seeking support, and fostering a sense of community.

In addition, Jurilla (1986) as cited by Gonzales (2004) mentioned that the low-income wives turn to their neighbors for support when there are problems, like infidelity. The higher income wives find resources or support by talking it over with “a friend, relative, counselor, priest, lawyer or even hire a detective before making any confrontation.” Alano (1995) and Relucio (1995) as cited by  Gonzales (2004) added that the Filipino wife, rich or poor, finds support with significant persons. One can see the openness of the Filipino wife to expand her horizon beyond the experience of her husband’s infidelity. Family support and the focus of attention become a resource for a wife.

On the other hand, the instrumental function is considered as the least prevalent among the identified language functions in the coping mechanisms of wives dealing with marital infidelity, indicating a reduced emphasis on explicit practical strategies like wanting to work abroad rooted in financial strains resulting from husbands’ irresponsibilities. Additionally, economic independence, coupled with a passion for caring for their children, emerges as a probable source of resilience for Filipino wives, as highlighted by McCann Erickson Philippines (1996) as cited by Alampay (2013). This lower prevalence is attributed to the complex and emotionally charged nature of the challenges faced by wives.

Implications for Practice

The results of our study provide valuable resource material for teaching Discourse and Pragmatics studies, particularly in the context of female speech acts related to complaints. Our study is significant as it is the first of its kind to focus on relationships within the context of marital infidelity in Bunawan, Agusan del Sur. This study illuminates how wives communicate and use language strategies to address emotional and financial difficulties resulting from infidelity. Integrating these insights into teaching materials can help educators improve students’ comprehension of discourse patterns, speech acts, and the pragmatic elements of communication in practical situations. Moreover, this research enriches the field of discourse analysis by meticulously examining language usage within the realm of intimate relationships, particularly in the context of marital infidelity.

Furthermore, our study stresses the importance of customized communication strategies and support services for wives dealing with the painful experiences of marital infidelity. It is crucial for counseling and support professionals to recognize the common use of direct and explicit complaints by wives and to create channels for them to express their concerns clearly. Couples can improve their communication by acquiring effective strategies to openly and constructively address issues related to infidelity.

Lastly, education and awareness programs can help individuals understand communication patterns within marital relationships. Such programs can provide insights into how to navigate difficult situations, like infidelity, and promote healthier communication practices. Overall, these implications suggest the importance of addressing communication dynamics in marital relationships to improve relationship outcomes and overall well-being.

Implications for Future Research

Future research could further explore the underlying reasons behind the preference for direct and explicit complaints among wives addressing marital infidelity. Understanding these reasons could provide valuable insights into marital dynamics and communication strategies. Comparative studies across different cultural contexts could also be beneficial to identify cultural influences on communication patterns related to infidelity.

Moreover, this research suggests avenues for further exploration, such as conducting longitudinal studies on coping strategies, particularly on the seven-language function proposed by Halliday (1975). These studies could track the evolution of coping mechanisms over time, offering insights into the long-term effects of different strategies. This understanding can inform the development of targeted interventions that adapt to the dynamic nature of individuals’ responses to marital infidelity.

In summary, future studies can build upon this research to deepen our understanding of speech acts and coping strategies in the context of marital relationships, contributing to the development of more effective interventions and support systems.

Concluding Remarks

In conclusion, the implications of this study extend across various spheres, benefiting a diverse range of stakeholders—students, educators, wives, husbands, local organizations, and future researchers. By delving into the speech act complaints of wives regarding marital infidelity in Agusan del Sur, this research provides valuable insights into communication dynamics within the complex realm of marriage.

Wives, as the main participants in our study, are empowered to voice out their complaints effectively. Our study underscores the importance of clear and direct communication, providing a support system for wives to express their emotions and assert their needs. Furthermore, the study advocates for legal and social support mechanisms, highlighting the importance of addressing emotional and financial issues arising from marital infidelity. The awareness generated by this research encourages wives to seek the assistance they require and deserve.

Husbands, on the other hand, are prompted to engage in introspection. Our study serves as a reflection of the negative consequences and impacts of infidelity resulting from husbands’ actions, emphasizing their moral and financial obligations towards their families. By shedding light on the experiences and coping strategies of wives, our study encourages husbands to contemplate the impacts of their actions on their children and their spouses.

Local organizations, especially the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSWD), can leverage our study to address the needs of wives affected by marital infidelity. The findings of our study shed light on the welfare of women and children who are victims of such situations. The implementation of RA9262 or the Anti Violence against Women and Children Act emphasizes the importance of recognizing psychological abuse as a form of violence against women and their children. This highlights the significance of providing comprehensive support and services to those affected, including counseling, legal assistance, and shelter, to ensure their safety and well-being.

For students and educators, the findings enrich the understanding of speech act complaints and coping mechanisms, offering a nuanced perspective on how individuals express dissatisfaction and navigate challenges within the cultural context of marital infidelity. This knowledge enhances students’ comprehension of communication dynamics, fostering a more informed and empathetic approach in future interpersonal relationships.

For future researchers, this study provides a solid foundation and reference material for further exploration of the topic. The identified language functions—regulatory, representational, personal, heuristic, interactional, instrumental, and imaginative—offer a framework for investigating how individuals cope with challenges in marital relationships. The multifaceted linguistic approach revealed in this research encourages future studies to delve deeper into the intricacies of communication strategies and coping mechanisms in the context of marital infidelity.

In summary, the far-reaching implications of this study go beyond academic insights. They touch upon the practical aspects of interpersonal relationships, mental health, and community support, contributing to a more informed and empathetic society.

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